Holding Onto You
by PeridotTea91
Summary: In 2012, Bobby Singer was killed by Leviathan Dick Roman. The aftermath of his death lead to a division between the Winchesters and Sam's girlfriend, Kasey. Guilt-ridden and driven to her breaking point, she gathers her stuff and leaves in the middle of the night without a word. Four years later, she calls Sam's phone after a hunt gone wrong in the hopes of hearing his voice one la
1. Wolves

It was supposed to be a simple, run-of-the-mill case. In a backwoods Wyoming town, several people had been found dead on a fairly popular trail over the past three weeks. Each victim was a different age, race, and gender with seemingly no connection between them. Local authorities chalked it up to animal attacks, most likely by a wolf or mountain lion. It honestly made sense considering the trail ran through a national park, and the bodies were covered in bite and claw marks. However, they were also missing the victims' hearts.

For someone such as Kasey Conklin, who was descended from a long line of hunters and white witches, a werewolf should have been a walk in the park. This, however, was an _alpha_ werewolf—one of the few alphas that managed to evade Crowley and the Winchesters—and he wasn't traveling alone. Coming down from Canada, the alpha and his mate had stopped to feed and replenish their strength before continuing further south. On a good day, werewolves were strong, fast, and brutal, but easily dispatched with a silver bullet or knife. Alphas were far more dangerous and tended to have a feral ruthlessness about them. Add a _pregnant_ mate to the mix, and suddenly you have an unstoppable killing machine that no hunter would dare take on alone.

Had she known, Kasey would have passed the case along to a Canadian hunter or called in some backup (not that she necessarily had any). Sadly though, she didn't know. So, when the seasoned hunter stared down in shock at the alarmingly pregnant lycanthrope she successfully tracked and killed, she was easily overpowered by the murderous alpha behind her.

One swipe of a giant claw was all it took to send Kasey flying; her rifle lost somewhere in the night among the leaves, mud, and snow. When the snarling alpha werewolf lunged for her, Kasey quickly rolled out of the way and scrambled to her feet. Kicking up rocks and dirt into the creature's face, she temporarily blinded her foe before darting away into the dark wilderness. Adrenaline pumped through her veins as she haphazardly wove through the wintry brush and trees, fighting with her panic-addled brain to come up with a plan-of-action. Earlier in the evening, she had passed a moderate-sized pond just off the path of the main trail. If she could lure the werewolf to the water's edge, there was a possibility she could push it into the icy depths. She would have to use herself as bait, allowing the creature to get dangerously close, but it would grant Kasey a small window of opportunity. Then, she could stab the beast with her silver knife, sealing its fate. True, the situation was less than ideal, and it would have been preferred if the alpha had been injured beforehand, but she just had to make do with the cards she was dealt.

Her lungs burned from the frigid night air, and her legs throbbed in pain from how long she had been running. With every step, Kasey could feel her muscles screaming in protest, especially as she slipped on wet leaves and snow. But she couldn't slow down, couldn't stop running. Before long, the hunter could see a clearing thoroughly the scarcely moonlit woods; she was almost at the embankment edge. Everything would have to be timed _precisely_ if her plan was going to work. Unfortunately, the alpha swooped in wide and situated itself between her and the pond. It was a common maneuver used by wolves when hunting prey—cut off the target so that they come crashing into you with no means of escape. It was a move that Kasey should, and would, have anticipated if it weren't for her panic and adrenaline-fueled state.

Kasey tried to stop abruptly, but her boots skidded on the snow and muck, causing her to slide smack into the werewolf. Long, sharp, yellow claws shredded deep into her side, blood gushing from the wound as an unbearable pain wracked through her. The monster lunged as she collapsed, pining Kasey underneath as it snapped it dripping fangs and attempted to tear her apart. Rapidly weakening legs barely kept the beast at bay as she struggled below. Kasey could feel her knees buckling under the alpha's weight as it thrashed above her, scratching the side of her face with one of its claws. She just needed to keep it off long enough to grab the silver knife she had strapped to her hip. Finally, after struggling to squeeze her arm between her and the feral beast, Kasey grabbed the hilt of the blade and, with what little strength she had left, plunged it deep into the wolf's heart. A roar ripped from the monster as it reared back and tumbled down the embankment, dragging the now spent hunter with it into the freezing waters.

Plummeted beneath the water's surface, Kasey's body locked up in shock at the severe drop in temperature. She could hardly move, suspended weightlessly as blood flowed freely from the gashes in her side and face, though the pain had numbed considerably. She silently watched as the corpse of the once ferocious alpha sunk slowly into the darkest depths, most likely to never be seen again. The dagger was still clutched tightly in her hand, fingers practically frozen around the handle in a vice grip. Kasey slowly drifted, everything around her lit dimly by what little moonlight that managed to penetrate the water's surface. It was so quiet now, and oddly peaceful. Everything seemed to slow down as if time no longer existed.

After what seemed like an eternity, Kasey finally re-emerged, the thin sheet of ice coating the pond's surface now shattered and drifting leisurely. Kasey swung her arms up onto the muddy shore and painstakingly dragged herself out. The cold, dry air was biting against her wet skin, and her wounds began pulsing angrily. The more the weary hunter pulled herself onto terra firma, the more torturous her body felt. Wrapping an arm around herself, Kasey attempted to protect her worst of her injuries as she continued to crawl through the mud and snow. The process was slow and strenuous, but at last, she was free of the water's clutches. Unfortunately, hypothermia was rapidly setting in. Her hair was frozen, lips blue, and body shaking uncontrollably in a natural attempt to produce body heat. Within minutes, the battered hunter lost all sensation in her fingers, toes, and legs.

This was it. This was how it ended — freezing to death, alone in the woods, hundreds of miles away from the man who still held her heart in the palm of his hand. She could still picture him, the soft chestnut locks that fell around his face and neck, those beautiful hazel eyes that always seemed to dance with a myriad of colors in the sunlight. Had his hair gotten even longer since she last saw him? He was so tall and broad-shouldered back then; did he look different now? Kasey always loved how small she felt when he held her in his arms. Did he finally grow out a little facial hair, or was he still clean-shaven? If she was being honest herself, Kasey would kill to see Sam Winchester with a bit of scruff. But most importantly, did he ever think about her the way she always thought about him?

Kasey choked back a sob and stiffly released her knife, whimpering in pain as she did. Digging through her coat pockets, she pulled out her phone which, thankfully, had been protected from the skirmish and submersion. In her struggle to pull the phone out of her wet pocket, Kasey accidentally flung the phone into the mud. But, with frostbitten fingers, she was able to painstakingly dial the number she knew by heart.

Kasey had no allusions about death, having seen so much of it over the years. She knew as both a hunter and a witch that she was destined to die young and bloody. Although, whether it would be on a hunt or at the hands of another hunter had always been up for debate. Unlike the infamous Winchesters, however, Kasey hadn't died so many times that it became a running joke. Technically, she died once as a child, but doctors resuscitated her almost immediately, so to her, it didn't count. Now she was going to die alone in the woods, freezing to death with no hope of being found. Kasey could hear her heart pounding in her ears, her pulse slowing down more and more by the minute. If this truly was her time of dying, she wanted nothing more than to hear Sam Winchester's voice one last time. She could barely register the sound of the phone ringing despite being on speakerphone and echoing through an otherwise silent wilderness. The moment the warm, familiar voice rang out of the phone, however, the floodgates opened.

"Hello?"

* * *

Sam and Dean had been tucked away in the bunker for a few days. A mid-March snowfall left Lebanon blanketed in white with temperatures in the low-30s. Sam had to admit, he was grateful to finally have a home with a properly functioning heating system. It was certainly better than all those years spent bouncing between various cheap motels, most with minimally performing heaters, crusty sheets, and thinning blankets. Even worse was when they were too far out in the middle of nowhere and had to camp out in the freezing impala. Although, those had been the nights when he treasured having _her_ close most of all, not that it mattered now. No, Sam was presently more than happy to be tucked away with his big brother, although their current research efforts were growing increasingly frustrating.

It had been a few weeks since their Hansel and Gretel case in Pendleton, Oregon. When the Winchesters returned to the bunker, they immediately dove back into researching the Mark of Cain. Cas was busy continuing the hunt for Cain himself, leaving the brothers to hit the books and work whatever cases that came their way. For the time being, however, things seemed to have calmed down.

One would think that, with the extensive amount of knowledge within the library's repertoire, the Men of Letters would have _something_ on the Mark. Instead, Dean found "He-Wolf, She-Wolf: A Study in Werewolf Transgenderism, Vol.1," which Sam made a mental note to read later. So now, while Dean took a swig of whiskey and poured over a large tome perched atop his lap, Sam was scouring the digitized archives on his laptop. Sam's focus, however, was pulled away from the task at hand when his cell rang with a number neither Winchester recognized, piquing both their interests.

"Who's that?" Dean asked, craning his neck to see the number on Sam's screen better.

Sam furrowed his brow as he stared at his phone, "No clue." Tapping the answer button, he set the phone on speaker so they could both hear and spoke, "Hello?"

Nothing.

"Hello?" he repeated. This time, they could barely make out the sound of muffled shuffling and some sort of faint rasping noise. Dean set his glass down on the tabletop, kicked his legs onto the floor, and leaned forward to hear better.

"Who is this?" Sam pressed. Whoever it was, they sounded worse for wear. A soft sob was the response along with a raspy voice that could barely be made out by either of the brothers.

"Sam—"

Sam and Dean exchanged confused and concerned looks, "This is Sam. Who is—?" The phone beeped suddenly, indicating the call ended.

"Dude. What the hell?"

Sam shook his head in confusion, "I don't know…"

Whoever the mystery caller was, they had reached out to him specifically; but why? Sam could feel a twisting sensation in the pit of his stomach. Based on his lifelong experience as a hunter, something like this was _never_ a good thing. Sam tapped redial, but the call went directly to voicemail. The voicemail he heard, however, made his heart plummet to his knees.

"_You've reached the voicemail of Kasey Conklin. Please leave your emergency after the beep_."

Sam and Dean stared at the phone, eyes wide with shock. After all this time, Sam couldn't believe it. How many times had he _dreamed_ of simply hearing her voice again? Four years ago, just a few days after giving Bobby a hunter's funeral, she vanished. No note. No goodbye. No explanation. When Kasey left, Sam's heart was damn near shattered. Dean, on the other hand, well, Dean got angry. He was angry that Kasey seemingly abandoned them, angry at Dick Roman for killing Bobby, angry about their whole situation, but most of all, he was angry with himself.

"Son of a bitch…"

Sam was snapped back to reality at the sound of his brother's voice. Dean looked between Sam and the phone, unsure of what to say, let alone what to make of this new development. Of all the things to happen, this was the least expected.

"Dean," the younger Winchester whispered as a small hopeful smile spread across his features, "She's alive!"

* * *

"Hello?"

Kasey choked down another sob as tears streamed down her face. Sam's voice was deeper than she remembered, but it was just as soothing and warm. Being the first time in years that she heard it, Kasey couldn't help but become overwhelmed with emotion.

"Sam—" she rasped, wincing in pain. Her voice was quiet and cracked from the frigid night air. It was difficult to talk, let alone breathe, and Kasey was reasonably certain she may have punctured a lung.

"This is Sam. Who is—?"

Suddenly the line fell silent, and Kasey could feel her heart sink.

"Sam?" she quietly called out, tapping the phone desperately. It was no use; the line was dead. "NO. No, no, no, no! Sam!" she gasped as a new wave of tears came spilling out. "Come back! Please, come back! I'm sorry! I'm… Sorry…"

Kasey's vision was growing increasingly blurry, with darkness creeping in around the edges. The gash in her side has no longer bleeding as profusely, the fluid freezing her left arm in place in the bitter chill. She let her head fall limply on her other arm as she felt herself begin to drift. There was so much she had wanted to say to Sam, but she supposed it didn't really matter anymore. She was so tired. Kasey felt herself slowly drifting into the darkness, alone in the snow and the muck, unable to physically feel anything anymore. She could see two tiny lights prick through the darkness that was overtaking her, but Kasey was too far gone to register it.


	2. Patience

Grand Teton National Park; that was where Sam traced the call from Kasey's phone, despite the phone now being dead. As soon as they had the coordinates, he and Dean wasted no time hitting the road.

Neither Winchester knew what to expect when they arrived, they just knew they had to get there. Sam's nerves were through the roof. Why did she suddenly reach out to him, seemingly out of the blue? Was she okay? Where had Kasey been all this time? Why was she in Wyoming? What would he even say to her when he saw her? Sam's knee bounced rapidly as he watched out the passenger window of the impala, his thoughts on overdrive. The amount of anxiety rolling off him was enough to even put Dean on-edge.

"Dude. Ya gotta settle down," Dean spoke up suddenly, startling the younger Winchester from his thoughts.

"what?"

"Look, I get it. Its been years. She calls outta nowhere, you still care about her… but you've gotta pull yourself together," Dean glance over at Sam, watching for his reaction.

Sam let out a deep sigh, "I'll relax when I see her, Dean."

"Okay, but what are you gonna say to her exactly? Hell, for all we know, this could be a trap!"

Sam remained silent for a moment, staring straight ahead and jaw set tight. "If you're so damn against me seeing her, then maybe you should have stayed at the bunker." Sam refused to look at Dean, communicating more than enough in body language alone.

Dean turned his eyes back to the road, letting a tense silence fall between them. He knew Sam would never forgive him for the aftermath of Bobby's death when Kasey left. Dean couldn't blame him; after all, it had been his fault she left.

* * *

_January 2012_

_The trio of hunters grimly watched as the pyre was engulfed in flames. Bobby was dead. Dean was angry, swearing vengeance on Dick Roman and refusing to let the grief settle in. Sam was shutting down; his emotions spent, and energy drained by the events of the past 24 hours. As well as the wall of his mind being completely shattered. Kasey, however, was silently torturing herself. If she hadn't come on this hunt, if she hadn't tripped up, if she were a better white witch, then maybe Bobby would still be alive._

_Even before the Mark of Cain, before Purgatory, Dean Winchester had a wicked temper. He was a man who did not deal with grief well. So, when they returned to Rufus' cabin in Whitefish, Montana, his outburst wasn't entirely unexpected._

_"Maybe you should sit out a few hunts, Kasey."_

_"What?" the younger hunter and Sam exchanged confused looks._

_"You're reckless and a liability," he stated coldly, jowls and shoulders taught with emotion. "We've had to save your ass way too many times. So, maybe you need to be benched for a while."_

_"what the hell, Dean?" Sam questioned in disbelief, "We need all the help we can get right now!"_

_"Really, Sammy? Like how she helped Bobby?" Dean turned his focus back to their companion, "you're supposed to be a white witch, a healer. So why couldn't you save him? Huh? Thought you used your magic to save people, so why not him!?"_

_"Dean—"_

_"No, Sam! She's useless and a fucking burden! She's no good to us, so why keep her around!? She's lucky that benching her is the only thing I'm gonna do!" Dean seethed, pointing at his brother, "Now pull you're head outta her ass, or I'll sideline you too."_

_Dean strode forward, anger rolling off him as he stood toe-to-toe with the witch. Kasey shrunk a little under his fiery glare as he towered over her, sudden panic evident behind her slate-blue eyes. For the first time in years, Kasey was genuinely terrified of the older hunter._

_"I don't give a damn how good of a freaking tracker you are, or about your half-assed charms and hex bags. None of that means shit if you can't get the job done or carry your own weight. So, either you're sitting out, and staying outta our way, or there's the door."_

_"Dean, enough!" Sam shoved himself between his brother and his girlfriend, grabbing the front of Dean's shirt and pushing him back a step. "You know damn well that Bobby's death wasn't her fault. If there were something she could have done to save him, she would have. Don't take this out on her!"_

_"Stop defending her, Sam!" Dean bellowed in his brother's face, "Christ, this is __just__ like what happened with Ruby! You got him addicted to demon blood too, witch!? Controlling him with sex?"_

_Sam pulled up to his full height and got in the older Winchester's face, "Don't you dare, Dean. You know damn well that's not what's fucking going on!"_

_"We can't afford screw-ups in this line of work, Sam! Especially not with Dick Romans and leviathans running around! She's wasting our time and holding us back. We __never__ should have let her tag along!"_

_"She's a __hunter__, Dean! We __need__ her! The leviathans running around are __exactly__ why we need to stick together. This isn't her fault, and she's not Ruby!"_

_"What we __need__ is Dick Roman's head on a pike. What we __need__ is for your little girlfriend to get out of the fucking way. Now, stop kissing her ass like a loyal pet puppy and help me get revenge for Bobby. Cause I swear, I will kill Dick Roman if it's the last thing I do."_

_Dean smacked Sam's hand away and, without another word, grabbed his jacket and keys, and stormed out the front door, almost breaking the hinges. Kasey jumped slightly at the sound of the slamming door, pained tears spilling down her cheeks while Sam took deep, steadying breaths. They heard the impala roar to life and watched as the headlights disappeared into the night. Dean needed to get shit-faced and far away from his love-drunk brother._

_He didn't return to the cabin until early the next morning, ignoring Sam and Kasey as he blew through. For almost five days, none of them said anything besides "food" and an acknowledging grunt. Then, one morning, the boys woke up to find Kasey long-gone; no note, no farewell. Sam was completely crushed. Dean sat on the couch, steeping in bitterness, anger, and grief. He knew he should feel guilty for what he said, for hurting his brother and their longtime friend. But at the time, he honestly didn't care, too pent on revenge to feel much else. _

* * *

Dean remembered the fight all too well. The more time went by, the more Dean came to regret his words. The morning Kasey vanished, Sam had shaken him away in panic. She had cleared out all traces of her having ever been at the cabin with them—clothes, bag, toiletries, tarot cards, crystals—everything was gone. She did exactly what Dean had told her, and he was still eating his words almost four years later.

Sam attempted to call her, the first few tries going straight to voicemail. Not long after that, however, the number was disconnected. Sam was downright distraught. Their surrogate father was dead and, the one woman he felt would be able to survive the life, a life with him, had been chased off by his own brother. It was something that Dean knew, deep down, Sam would never forgive him for, and for which he would always feel guilty.

The almost 13-hour drive from Lebanon to String Lake in Grand Teton was spent mostly intense silence. Sam was lost, deep within his spiraling thoughts, and Dean didn't want to provoke a fight with him. When the Winchesters finally arrived at their destination, they were surprised to find the road blocked.

"Wonder why they blocked it off," Dean mused, "Avalanche?"

"Well, it is still snow season. Hang on, "Sam pulled out his phone and started searching local news reports. In no time he came across an article he wasn't expecting, "So get this, six hikers total have been found dead on String Lake trail over the past several weeks. All the victims were missing their hearts and covered in claw marks."

"Werewolf."

"Yep. Looks like Kasey was working a job."

"Something must've gone wrong, based on her call," Dean thought aloud, staring absentmindedly at the road blockade.

Sam looked up from his phone. What little they had been able to make out of the call certainly leaned that way. It also pointed to the possibility that there was still a werewolf wandering around the woods. The more Sam thought about it, the more ominous the situation seemed to be.

"We passed a visitor's center a little ways back. Couldn't hurt to ask them a few questions," Dean offered, waiting for his brother's response. Sam simply nodded in agreement.

Careful not to get Baby stuck in the embankment, Dean turned the car around and headed back down the road. When they arrived at the center, the brothers were both surprised and disappointed to see that it too was closed.

"Well, this is a bust," Dean scoffed as he kicked at some snow and flung his arms out in defeat.

"Maybe not," Sam called from in front of a brochure case. Most were the typical packets found at any national park or tourist attraction, listing other points of interest to be found nearby. But one brochure turned out to be particularly useful as it provided a full map of the area. Sam leafed through it before speaking up again, "Only one place to really stay around here: Jenny Lake Lodge."

Guess that's our next stop," Dean confirmed as the pair made their way back to the impala. Unfortunately, due to the recent snowfall, that meant another two hours of driving, both to Sam and Dean's dismay.

Upon arrival at the lodge, the brothers were greeted to a large, homey-looking cabin. Considering the amount of driving they had done, and subsequently weren't as used to doing any more thanks to the bunker, it was a welcome sight. Inside, the Winchesters stepped into a small, cozy foyer where the front desk was located. The small entryway, however, then opened to a large sitting room adorned with overstuffed, leather, cream and brown sofas and armchairs. The walls, beams, and ceiling were made entirely from distressed wood with antique, lantern-style chandeliers overhead, two per beam. Against the farthest wall sat an impressive gray, stone fireplace adorned with a dark brown, reclaimed wood shelf and a mounted moose head.

Taking the room in, Sam could practically hear Kasey commenting on the excessive amounts of brown and wood accents. The thought brought a small smile to Sam's face. Despite the color scheme, he knew full well that his former flame would otherwise love staying there. Having grown up in a small, Oregon town, log cabins and other rustic locals had always reminded her of home.

After Flashing their fake ids and questioning the receptionist, the brothers learned that their estranged friend was last seen at dinner the night before. She had apparently checked in under the guise of a US Marshall investigating the supposed animal attacks. Smart, considering it meant she had a bit more freedom to investigate with about half the suspicion. Plus, people tended to be nicer to supposed US Marshalls than they were to supposed FBI agents. It was typically Kasey's disguise of choice since it meant she didn't have to dress up and, to quote her, didn't look like she was "going to shoot someone's cat." Dean may have taken the comment a little personally.

Behind the main lodge were several, smaller cabins where the guests stayed, according to the front desk. Having gotten a copy of the key to "aid their federal investigation," Sam and Dean made their way to cabin number two, where Kasey had been staying. There was a decent amount of space between each cabin; perfect for any hunters looking for privacy. Inside the rental, the décor looked like something from the Hallmark Channel. The bed was loosely made with a red, green, and white quilt that was very reminiscent of Christmas. All the furniture in the room was made from distressed white oak, with the bed frame and headboard being actual, sanded-down logs. And to top it off, the dresser and table were both covered in red-checkered runners, adding to the stereotypical rustic cabin feel. If it weren't for the map and case notes pinned on the far wall by the bed, no one would have known that a hunter had been staying there. Judging by the bed alone, it was clear to both Sam and Dean that Kasey had not returned the night before.

"Glad to see that she still goes all-in," Dean commented as he skimmed over the mounted map and a chart of moon phases.

Sam's attention was directed elsewhere, to a small, unassuming, blue photo album perched atop the dresser. It was well-loved and not much bigger than a pocket agenda. The temptation too great, Sam opened the album and carefully flipped through the preserved pictures. The first few were from Kasey's childhood—tucked against her father's chest as a toddler while he played guitar, thumb in mouth and hair everywhere. There was one of her riding the front seat of her dad's Jeep, which she later came to own, with a mouthful of happy meal while her dad was smiling wide. Then, there was one from when she was in the hospital with Leukemia at age nine.

Sam remembered when she finally opened up to him regarding her childhood illness. They had been on Bobby's front porch, just the two of them, having just wrapped up a bad case involving a rogue crossroads demon. The case had rattled her, hitting a little too close to home. Kasey had explained that, when she was nine, she was terminal and not expected to make it to her tenth birthday. On top of that, her mom had just walked out on her and her dad. Then, not too long after her mom left, she was suddenly cured. No more needles, no more endless hospital stays, 100% leukemia-free and with supposedly no explanation. When Sam asked if she knew how, Kasey smiled sadly and leaned her head against his shoulder, tears threatening to spill over.

Her father, a seasoned and relatively well-known hunter, had made a crossroads deal to save his only child. Instead of being given the full ten years, however, hellhounds came for him one week later, which was apparently when Kasey would have died from the Leukemia. It wasn't until after he died when she went through his journal that she learned the truth. Bobby knew, of course, having been a good friend of her father's, but as far as the rest of the hunting community was concerned, Ethan Conklin had been killed on a wendigo hunt. When Kasey had revealed to Sam the truth about her father's death, it really began a turning point in their rekindled friendship.

Sam continued flipping through the photo album, taking in the parts of her childhood where her father no longer existed. It wasn't until his eyes landed on an all-too-familiar scene that Sam stopped. He must have been around 17 years old in the photo, with Kasey not too long before turning 15. They were sitting on a bench together, in front of the local high school in her hometown in Oregon. The Winchesters had stayed there for over two months, the most amount of time they spent in any town, working back-to-back cases in the tri-county area. It was also the longest amount of time Sam had ever spent at a single school…And where he and Kasey first met.


	3. Wheel in the Sky

_April 2000_

_Sam was sitting on a bench at yet another new school. It was his senior year, and he was so tired of the constant moving around. He was tired of always being the new kid and once again having to make new friends and learn another school layout. The one for this school, however, seemed to be the most convoluted yet._

_"Everything okay?"_

_Sam jumped at the sudden voice behind him. Whipping around, Sam was greeted by the sight of a younger female student. She was cutesy looking, wearing an oversized olive-green sweater, khaki shorts, black tights, and low-rise chucks. Her long, ash brown hair was pinned back into a loose ponytail, and she had brilliant slate-colored eyes hidden behind long lashes. Despite being tall for a girl, she was still quite a bit shorter than Sam, who __finally__ had a growth spurt over the past year. He couldn't help but be a little distracted by the mystery girl's looks._

_"I uh-uh yeah. Uhm," Sam stuttered, embarrassed at having been so blatantly staring, "I'm new, and this map makes zero sense."_

_"Hmmm," the girl looked over his shoulder before letting out an amused huff, "Well, for starters, that map is outdated by three years…"_

_"Oh…"_

_"But, if it helps, the school is basically a multi-pronged cross; low numbers on the east and north sides, high on the west and south."_

_Oh, okay. Well, uh, do-do you think you could, maybe, show me?" Sam asked, shyly._

_"A sophomore helping a senior? Shouldn't it be the other way around?" she gently teased._

_"Yeah, I guess so," Sam admitted, blushing slightly, "Wait… How did you know I was a senior?"_

_"My auntie told me. She knows everyone," she stated matter-of-factly, "Plus, I saw you in town yesterday while your dad was talking to my uncle. You're Sam Winchester, a hunter's son."_

_Sam gaped at her a moment. He had never met someone around his own age who knew about the life. Well, excluding his older brother that is. This was unexplored and, admittedly, exciting territory._

_"Oh no, I don't hunt. I just help out every now and then with tracking the monsters and research. Uncle Shep doesn't want me out in the field."_

_Sam sighed in relief, "Not gonna lie, it's nice meeting someone else who knows what's out there."_

_"Yeah. It is, actually," she agreed sadly._

_"Do you not have many friends?" Sam asked without thinking. In hindsight, it was a bit blunt, but it was too late to go back now._

_"Uhhh… Not really. I prefer being alone, and in the woods, to being around people because people suck. Most folks don't like strange and unusual, and I __am__ strange and unusual…" she trailed off, staring into the distance thoughtfully._

_Sam paused for a moment and made a face, "Did-did you just quote Beetlejuice?"_

_"Huh. Most people don't get that!" she responded, pleasantly surprised, "Love Tim Burton… Anyways, we should probably get you to your first class, Winchester. Won't look good if you're late on your first day."_

_"Yeah, I guess you're right," Sam agreed as he gathered his bag and stood, "Oh! I didn't catch your name."_

_"It's Kasey. Kasey Conklin," she held out her hand and smiled warmly, making Sam swoon a little._

_Sam shook her hand and smiled back, "Nice to meet you, Kasey."_

* * *

"Excuse me, agents?"

Sam and Dean turned towards the door, where a somewhat nervous-looking park ranger stood, fidgeting with his hat in his hands. He looked much younger than either of the two Winchesters and clearly was a bit uncomfortable dealing with "federal agents."

"I understand that you're looking for the lady marshal?"

"Good news travels fast," Dean remarked, "We are. You see her lately?"

"I-I have, unfortunately," the ranger answered in a rueful tone, "Found her last night at the pond off String Lake Trail. She was bloody, and we darn near thought she was frozen to death."

Sam's heart crashed to his stomach. Dean glanced at this younger brother for a reaction. He was tense, and his jaw was locked; Dean knew Sam wouldn't be able to keep it together long.

"We had her flown out," the ranger continued, "to Saint John's Hospital down in Jackson. It's the only trauma center in the area."

"Thank you," Dean dismissed with a nod.

The ranger gave a polite nod in return, put on his hat, and left the brothers alone in the cabin. Before Dean could say anything else, Sam was already running around the room, grabbing what few belongings Kasey had left about and shoved them into her pack. Dean quickly took down the two walls of casework, making sure to not damage anything in case they needed it later and leaving nothing behind. He barely finished before Sam swooped by and snatched it all up, nearly knocking Dean over in the process.

"Woah! Sam!"

"NOW, Dean!" Sam shouted, panic evident in his voice. He finally had hope of seeing his old flame again only to have her possibly ripped away once more. He _had_ to see her, see for himself what her condition was. Dena, on the other hand, was remaining composed and letting his brother take the lead. While Sam was increasingly on-edge and desperate, Dean knew better than to get his hopes up for if/when they saw her.

Kasey was an iron-deficient anemic; her body couldn't produce enough healthy red blood cells, so she was ultra-sensitive to cold weather. Back when the three of them hunted together, it was part of the reason why, whenever there was a case in the wintertime, she tended to hang back at Bobby's and do research for the boys. Eventually, however, her constantly cold hands and feet had become a running joke, especially, once she and Sam started dating again, where he was always ready and willing to jump in and warm her up.

* * *

_Winter 2011_

_"Awwwww… The two lovebirds nestled together to escape the cold. Surprise, surprise," Dean mocked as he entered the room, taking a bite of burgers while bringing beers for him and Sam._

_"Bite me," Sam retorted f/Bobby's sofa. He had Kasey's feet tucked into his lap, so he could warm them. Even through two pairs of wool socks, he could feel the chill in her toes._

_"Seriously, though," Dean continued with a mouthful of food, "How is that you're __always__ cold?"_

_"She's anemic, ya idjit," Bobby drawled as he handed Kasey a hot cup of coffee. "Still think you should pull back hunting a bit and focus more on being support. 'Least til the weather gets warmer."_

_"Excuse me, have you seen these two hunt? Who else would sew up their reckless asses if I wasn't around?" Kasey exclaimed, pointing between the two Winchesters._

_"We sew ourselves up just fine!" Dean argued._

_"Bullshit. Those crooked scars say otherwise. You __both__ could use a more feminine touch."_

_"Oh, I think Sam's got enough 'feminine touch' for everyone."_

_Sam stopped kneading Kasey's feet and glared at his brother. His girlfriend, however, was rearing with a response as she casually sipped her coffee._

_"Say what you want, Dean, but there's only one Winchester receiving a feminine touch tonight."_

_Sam, Bobby, and Dean all choked on their burgers and beer before Bobby bellowed: "Not in my house, he ain't!"_

* * *

It was an almost 3-hour drive to the medical center in Jackson. Typically, in this sort of situation, Dean would have been flying down the road, cutting the trip time in half. Once again, unfortunately, the snow slowed the Winchesters down. It seemed like they had done nothing but drive, with each stop only leading to another stop on the map. The constant run-around had Sam wound tighter than ever, and it was already starting to get dark. Dean knew his brother was worried about their former hunting companion, although to call Kasey that would be a gross understatement—she was family, even after all this time.

"Sam," Dean began cautiously, breaking the silence as they drew nearer, "You know she might not be okay when we get there… Like, we gotta expect the worst here."

Dean didn't want to start another fight with Sam over this. But he also didn't want his brother to get his hopes up only to be met with disappointment.

"I know," Sam responded quietly but curtly.

"Man, I know you're upset. I know things aren't looking good but—"

"But what, Dean?" Sam glared at his brother with his lips pressed in a thin line, jaw ticking in annoyance.

"I don't want to see you hurt again if it turns out she didn't make it. You're my little brother, and I hate seeing you in pain like that. I just…" Dean trailed off. He could see all too well how much Sam would shatter if they made it all the way to the hospital and he couldn't see her. "I saw how much it killed you when she left. And I'll never forgive myself for that… But I sure as hell don't wanna see you go through it all over again."

Sam's features softened a bit as Dean's words sank in. He knew Dean meant everything that he was saying, especially since it was probably difficult for him to say it in the first place. Dean had never been very good with expressing himself, so it meant a lot for his brother to open up. If he was perfectly honest, however, Sam had already assumed the worst for Kasey's situation. But for him, that just wasn't good enough.

Sam remained silent for a moment before finally responding, "I know Dean. But I just—I _need_ to see her. Even if it is too late, I can't let this go—can't let _her_ go—until I see her again."

Sam had never stopped thinking about her, never stopped missing her, never stopped loving her. Kasey had been the one to -outshine all the rest. As much as he hated to admit it, especially considering that he had intended to marry Jess, Kasey more than filled the void in his heart. Part of him would always miss Jessica; nothing could change that. But Kasey… hell, Sam had been ready to die just to see her again, back when he thought Crowley had killed her.

* * *

_May 2013_

_Sam was suddenly alone in a dense, fir forest deep within his mind. He knew he was in a coma, an after-effect from having almost successfully closed the gates to hell. Dean had stopped him from completing the last trial and thus killing himself. But the damage was already done, and Sam knew he was running out of time._

_Bobby's words lingered as he considered his options. Of course, it wasn't __actually__ Bobby, just a figment of his imagination; a coping mechanism and a means to sort out his own internal conflict. The Dean his mind conjured up kept telling him to fight, no matter what. But there was so much weight and truth to what the apparition of Bobby had argued. Maybe it __was__ time to turn it all in and end the show…_

_Sam could see a cabin a little ways ahead of him. Once he walked through the front door, whichever reaper that came for him would be waiting for an answer. Honestly, they'd probably try to further convince him to just let this life go. But suddenly that last 100 feet were so difficult to complete, perhaps because he wasn't certain yet._

_"Hello, Sammy."_

_Sam spun around at the sound of the soft, familiar voice. There were only a handful of people allowed to call him that and she was, surprisingly, one of them. The one person he longed to see the most was now standing before him, looking every bit as beautiful as when he last saw her._

_"Kasey," Sam let out a shaky breath. She was wearing a simple, black, cotton dress and her favorite thick navy sweater, with the sleeves rolled up. Her silver jewelry and charms sparkled in the faint sunlight. And, oh, all that beautiful hair; long, layered, soft, and cascading around her. Suddenly, more than anything, he had to touch her._

_Barely two steps and Sam was on her, large and calloused hands cupping her face and tangling in her hair. He kissed her so deeply and desperately, like tasting her was the only thing keeping him alive. His tongue twisted with hers, and she moaned softly into his mouth. She smelled of blackberries and cloves, a wonderfully unique combination that Sam could never forget._

_Breaking apart finally, Sam rested his forehead against hers as he caught his breath. He knew it wasn't really Kasey, that she wasn't really there. Sam was simply seeing a figment of his heart's greatest desire, but at that moment, he couldn't care less._

_"Why are you here?" Sam whispered, rubbing his hands down her arms affectionately and savoring how the sweater felt underneath his fingertips. "To tell me to let go? Or that I shouldn't give in, to always keep fighting?"_

_Kasey fiddled with his jacket collar for a moment before answering. "Neither."_

_Sam pulled back a moment, confused by her answer._

_"Sometimes, we just need someone to walk with us and listen. Because those last few feet are the toughest to walk alone," she explained, smiling softly at him._

_God, how he had missed that smile._

_"You're dead… aren't you," Sam asked solemnly, "It's been two years already, and we haven't found you. Nobody's seen or heard from you—"_

_"If you're asking, then maybe you already know the answer."_

_"I'm tired of this, Kase. I've sacrificed enough. __We've__ sacrificed enough," Sam gripped her arms tightly as he pulled her closer, "Maybe Bobby was right… I could see you again. Finally, __be__ with you again…"_

_The apparition of Kasey softly pulled Sam towards the cabin, slipping her hand into his and interlocking fingers as she walked beside him. "What about your brother? The monsters? The family business?"_

_"I've lost enough because of the business. There will always be some other monster or demon. And there will always be other hunters to take care of them. Dena and I aren't the only hunters in the world."_

_"And Dean?"_

_Sam grew quiet and slowed his pace. It really had always been the two of them together, at the end of the day. Both heaven and hell know that Dean has been put through the wringer too many times to count. No, it was time for both of them to pull back. His brother had the apple pie life, once, but sacrificed it all for Sam when he found out he was back from the pit. He then gave up any possibility of returning to that life when Lisa and Ben were kidnapped, put in harm's way because of their connection to Dean. It was hardly fair to anyone in that situation. No, with Sam gone, he knew his brother would leave the hunting life again, and this time it would be for good._

_"Dean will stop hunting. This time I'll make sure it's permanent," Sam answered with determination._

_The couple now stood in front of the door to the cabin. Turning back to his mind's illusion of his former girlfriend, Sam took her hands in his and gently kissed her knuckles._

_"No more waiting."_

_"Sammy, I've been waiting for you since high school."_

_"I know, and I'm sorry. I put you through so much, I didn't pay attention, to the point where it made you leave and—"_

_Kasey clapped her hand over Sam's mouth, "Stop."_

_Sam went silent at her sudden command._

_"Sam… You can blame yourself, you can blame your brother, hell, you can blame Dick Roman for all you want. But you and I both know that __nobody__ forces me to do __anything__. It was __my__ decision to leave, despite what Dean said. I chose to walk out that door. You can't change that, no matter how badly you want to."_

_"I could 've—"_

_"No, honey. You couldn't have. It's too late to try and think of the 'what ifs' between us now, Sam. You need to let that go."_

_"I am ready to let go," Sam nodded softly, "And then I can finally be with you again."_

_"Is that really what you want, Sam? A heaven shared with me? Forever? What if it was all a lie? What if I'm still alive out there?"_

_Sam stared at her a moment, thinking it over, before finally leaning forward and capturing her lips in a gentle kiss. "Then I'll wait for you. Just like I always made you wait for me."_

_Sam gave her hands a squeeze. He had finally made up his mind and was ready to face his reaper. Kasey leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Sam's neck, pulling the older hunter in for a firm hug. Sam closed his eyes and tucked his face into the crook of her neck. He reveled in the smell and feel of her, even though she was nothing more than a figment of his imagination. _

_He could feel the softness of her lips and the warmth of her breath as she whispered in his ear: "I love you, Sam."_

_Sam could feel his heart breaking for her again. Those three little words meant so much, yet he had always been too afraid to say them. When he opened his eyes, Sam found himself alone once more, but this time he was steadfast in his decision. Turning back to the cabin, the seasoned hunter was ready to face whatever awaited him, even death himself._

* * *

Sam never told Dean about what he experienced in the coma. It had taken weeks after Sam gave Gadreel the boot to recover everything that happened, but now he had all his memories back, both fortunately and unfortunately. Sam often found himself wondering what would have happened had he not been tricked into saying "yes" to the shamed angel. Would Dean have actually gotten out of the life, or would he have carried on the fight without him? Would Dean have even taken on the Mark of Cain, and subsequently become a knight of hell?

Sam glanced down at his brother's arm. He couldn't see the mark since it was covered by Dean's navy jacket, but Sam knew it was still there. Dean had often described it as hot and pulsating, calling out for constant bloodshed. If Kasey really was alive, a part of him wanted to keep her as far away from the older Winchester as possible, to keep her out of harm's way. But another part of him, the surprisingly louder part of his brain, knew that she would be an invaluable asset in trying to get the mark removed. That is if she would even be willing to help them, let alone see them. He honestly wouldn't blame her if they got there and she told them both to screw off. It had been four long years since she last saw them. People can change a lot in the amount of time. Hell, Sam and Dean both had.


	4. Hospital Beds

By the time the Impala pulled up to St. John's Hospital, it was already 6:30pm. Luckily for the Winchesters, visiting hours were until 8:00pm. The complex looked more like a four-star hotel or health spa than it did a hospital; the entrance was artistically designed w/ round, mixed stone sides, and a wooden-slat front. If it weren't for the sign out front, Sam and Dean honestly would have thought they were in the wrong place. Stepping through the automatic doors, the brothers wasted no time getting to the receptionist's desk & flashing their fake FBI badges.

"We're looking for a patient. A young woman who was admitted early this morning, around 2:00am," Sam began, putting on a professional front, "We were told she was medevacked in for an animal attack and hypothermia."

"Ohhh… Yeah, I know who you're talking about," the receptionist admitted sorrowfully, "All the doctors and nurses have been talking about her."

"And what have they been saying, exactly?" Dean questioned pensively.

The receptionist shook her head, "It's not good." She typed away at her computer briefly before scribbling onto a post-it note. "She's in room 326. Just finished the first of three surgeries. That's how you get there," she nodded towards the note as she handed it to Dean, "I'll page the head doctor and have him meet you there."

"Thank you."

After maneuvering the hospital's corridors and enduring perhaps the _slowest_ elevator ride in history, Sam and Dean finally made it to Kasey's room. If Dean thought his brother was nervous before, it didn't even remotely compare to how he was now. Dean himself was starting to get nervous simply based on the receptionist's reaction. Sam didn't bother to wait for the doctor before bursting through the door, almost knocking Dean over again.

Kasey lay motionless in the hospital bed, eyes closed, and her breathing shallow. She was connected to a breathing tube, heart rate monitor, and two IVs. Her long, ash-brown hair was in a tangled mess, tied off to the side by nurses so it wouldn't get in the way. Various cuts and bruises littered her body, a large bandage covering her left cheek and temple. Her hands and right arm were completely wrapped up, limp on the bed beside her, and her left hip was elevated slightly. Sam's breath hitched in his throat while Dean let out a heavy, ragged sigh. The sight of her unconscious in the hospital bed reminded Sam too much of when Dean was in a coma; back when their dad made his deal with "Yellow Eyes."

"Agents, it's nice to meet you, though I wish it were under better circumstances," the doctor greeted as he approached, pulling the Winchesters' attention away from the heartbreaking scene before them.

"What are we looking at here, doctor?"

"A nightmare, honestly. She came in last night, half-frozen, with her abdomen ripped open by some sort of large animal. If the rangers hadn't found her when they did, she would have frozen to death. She's got three broken ribs, a fractured hip, a punctured lung, hypothermia, frostbite on all extremities…"

Sam's head began to spin. The more the doctor prattled off, the more nauseous he began to feel. Kasey's injuries were so severe that it was a miracle she was even still breathing.

"We're not quite sure yet if we'll have to amputate anything, although it's not looking good for her lower legs. We'll be able to find out more if she wakes up. We were able to reset her broken ribs and stitch up the gashes to her face and side. But she's now fighting a severe infection. According to the rangers, she appeared to have fallen in a pond, contaminating the wounds."

"Thus, the infection," Dean concluded.

"Exactly."

"We met one of the rangers earlier, but he didn't look like he had any injuries. Was she the only one admitted?" Sam asked, trying to gauge if there were any victims to question.

"She was the only one hurt. The rangers said she lost consciousness right as they found her. Unfortunately, her arm was still frozen to the lacerations on her side when she arrived. We tried our best to remove it carefully, but some of the skin on her forearm stuck and peeled off, thus the bandage," the doctor nodded towards Kasey's wrapped right arm.

Sam and Dean both cringed. Dean could feel a bit of bile creep up his throat at the mental image, thankful that he couldn't see the injury. Sam shook his head and continued the questioning.

"What do you think her odds are, exactly?"

The doctor let out a weary sigh, "Honestly, it's not good. Her body's immune system is in a free-fall from the infection. We have her on steroids but, combined with the nature of her injuries, it's a lot to recover from. Plus, her lungs are still thawing… she can't breathe on her own, and we had to resuscitate her several times on the table. With injuries like these… it'll be a miracle if she lasts the night."

"Thanks, doc."

The doctor bid them farewell before heading down the hall to do his rounds. Sam and Dean silently stepped into Kasey's hospital room with heavy hearts. Dean stood at the end of her bed; hands deep within his pockets as he fully took in the state of her. Sam came up to Kasey's right flank and gingerly touched her forearm. Even through the bandages and the heated blankets, her skin was cold to the touch, sending a small chill down his spine. Her skin was dry and pale, much paler than Sam or Dean had ever seen her, with the only discernible color coming from bruises and blue-tinted lips.

"When I said we gotta prepare for the worst," said spoke softly as he watched Kasey's chest gently rise and fall with the help of the ventilator, "I meant death. But this?"

"Death would almost be merciful at this point," Sam completed Dean's thought with a mournful rasp. What kind of life was there for her now? Was she even still in there? For all anyone knew, her soul could have already passed on thanks to a reaper. Now, the worst-case scenario was that she became a ghost or vengeful spirit, meaning they would have to hunt her. Neither of the men could bear the thought.

"What do you wanna do, Sammy?"

"Hmmm?"

"It's your call. Whatever you wanna do," Dean stated with finality. Whatever Sam chose, Dean would follow his lead for once.

Sam continued to stare sadly at his former girlfriend, trying desperately to be both realistic and optimistic about the current situation. But optimism was severely lacking, given the circumstances.

"Would Cas be able to heal her?"

Dean pondered for a moment, "Maybe, though this seems a bit outside his paygrade. Plus, we don't even know if her souls moved on yet—"

"But he would be able to tell, right?" Sam pushed. There was a hint of desperation and hope audible in his voice.

"I honestly don't know, Sammy," Dean admitted, "But it couldn't hurt to ask."

"Right. We should probably try and see whether she can be transferred closer to the bunker, if at all possible."

"Keep her close in case anything changes," Dean concluded. "We're gonna need to make something up in case anyone starts asking questions."

"Leave that to me. I'll go find the doctor, and you give Cas a call?"

Dean nodded, and Sam gave Kasey's arm an affectionate squeeze before leaving the room. Dean then found himself alone with their unconscious friend, the only sounds coming from the soft beats of the heart rate monitor and the ventilator. Dean watched her for a few moments with a heavy heart. If he had never taken out his grief and anger on her, she wouldn't have left, and maybe this whole thing could have been avoided. Hell, a lot of stuff over the past few years easily would have been avoided if he hadn't run Kasey off. But you can't change the past. It was a lesson the older hunter had learned the hard way numerous times.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart," Dean whispered, his voice cracking slightly, "You never should have been hunting on your own. We should have been with you. Maybe then…" Dean shook his head, trying to keep the emotions at bay. "I did so wrong by you and Sam. And I know I can never take that back."

Dean fished his phone out of his pocket and went through his contacts. He sincerely hoped that this would work, that Cas had enough angel juice to save her. Dean patted the end of the bed restlessly, waiting for the familiar voice to pick up on the other end.

"Hello, Dean."

"Cas, hey—"

"I don't have any news on Cain or the mark."

"No. I know. That's fine, this is something else. There's a bit of a medical emergency we need your help with."

"What happened? Are you and Sam alright?" Castiel asked hurriedly, concern evident in his voice.

Yes, Sam and I are fine. Will you shut up a minute?" Dean ordered in frustration. "We found a missing friend of ours, and she's in bad shape. We're gonna look at getting her transferred to the bunker, but we need your help first."

"Dean, this wouldn't happen to be—"

"Kasey. Yeah…"

The line was silent for a moment before Cas spoke again. Send me the coordinates, and I'll be there as soon as I can. How's Sam holding up?"

"He's… doing better than expected," Dean admitted, "He's anxious but keeping it together for the most part."

"It's understandable that he would be restless. Four years is quite a long time for humans to cling to an emotion or feeling, even one such as love and affection. The fact that your brother is still refusing to give up on her speaks volumes about his character. Although, I can't help but wonder if she still returns his affections."

"Wow. Thanks for the analysis, Dr. Phil."

"I am not a doctor by the name of Phil… Wait. That was a reference, wasn't it?"

Dean rolled his eyes and sighed, "Never mind. Just hurry up, please."

"Of course."

* * *

After some smooth talking with the doctor, Sam was able to convince him that they had a specialist who they wanted to bring in to perform an experimental treatment. At first, the doctor who was attending Kasey didn't believe him. But, when Sam made up a story about her supposedly having been working on a special joint-project with the FBI and US Marshals, and that her survival was imperative, the doctor gave in a bit. Sam almost tripped up, however, when the doctor asked for verification and stated that they needed consent prior to treatment. Thankfully, Sam had been able to convince him to cooperate by explaining that, since Kasey had no next of kin, she was the US Government's to do with as they pleased. That being said, when Castiel showed up to the hospital three and a half hours later, the hospital staff let him right in.

Naturally, the doctor wanted to supervise said "experimental treatment," but Sam and Dean were able to shoo him away citing that the procedure was classified and that they would update him with the results, much to the doctor's disdain and suspicion. While Sam and Dean had been busy preoccupying the doctor, Cas went on ahead to Kasey's room to assess her condition for himself. The prognosis he came up with was mixed.

"I managed to check the condition of her soul," Castiel greeted as Sam and Dean came into the room and locked the door.

"And?" the brothers asked in unison.

"It is still in-tact."

Sam perked up at the news. With Kasey's soul still present, there was a very good chance that she could survive. Dean, however, knew better than to expect it to go so smoothly.

"Sounds like there's a 'but' coming…"

Cas nodded, "She's very weak. After I heal her, there's no guarantee that she'll wake up. The damage to her body is extensive. Even with my capabilities, I might not be able to cure everything," he warned. Sam noticeably slumped at the news.

"Then, let's focus on the big stuff," Dean began, taking control over the situation, "The infection, hypothermia, and any limbs up for amputation come first. Then work your way down the list from the worst stuff to the not so life-threatening. But _definitely_ make sure nothing gets chopped off."

Castiel nodded and set about his task. It took a few minutes, but he was able to heal the majority of her injuries. Given that the gates to Heaven were long-since closed, cutting off most of his powers, the feat was impressive.

"She's still going to have a little bit of cold sensitivity and some minor cuts, but I was able to heal everything else as well as some older injuries. But as you can see, she still hasn't awoken."

"That's better than nothing. Thanks, Cas," Sam said with a half-smile.

"There is something else," the angel continued, "Her back had some poorly healed scars as if she had suffered flagellation or was burned."

Sam and Dean both furrowed their brows in concern.

"You mean like, someone tortured her?" Dean clarified

"It certainly appears that way. Unfortunately, the only way to know for sure is to ask her when she awakens. _If_ she awakens," Cas confirmed. "Out of curiosity, how _did_ you find her?"

"She called Sam's cell late last night. Tracked it to a national park nearby," Dean explained, "She was working a werewolf case, and I guess it just got one up on her."

Sam furrowed his brows again at his brother's comment. Now that he had stopped to think about it, something seemed off about that case. For a newbie hunter, werewolves were admittedly a little daunting. But, along with ghosts, were considered a milk-run. An experienced hunter like Kasey should have been able to tackle it without any problems. Even if she did encounter any issues, why wouldn't she have just used some magic to stun the monster or some other spell? To top it all off, "deep terrain" monsters were her specialty. Kasey had been trained hunting various cryptids in the deep wilderness of the Pacific Northwest and Canada. There was a lot more to this than a simple out-of-hand werewolf.

"Doesn't that seem weird to you, Dean? I mean a _single werewolf_ taking down _Kasey_? Kasey, who saved our necks by setting a ghoul on fire by blowing at it? Kasey, who is both a hunter _and_ a witch, and was out in her preferred field?"

"Hey, it happens," Dean shrugged, "Every hunter has an off day. She's entitled."

"Yeah but not when it's something she specializes in, Dean," the younger Winchester retorted, clearly annoyed.

"Okay. So, what, you think this was something other than a werewolf?"

Sam let out a sigh, "Maybe. I want to dig into what she was researching a bit. See if maybe there's something that she wasn't expecting."

Dean groaned at the idea of more research and dramatically rolled his eyes, earning a look from Castiel.

"But first, I'm going to look at getting that transfer."

With that, Sam strolled back out the door to go talk to what remaining hospital staff were there at that time of night. Cas bid Dean farewell, intent on continuing the search for Cain and a cure for the mark. Dean sent him off, promising to contact him if there were any updates on Kasey or their own research. Taking a moment to breathe finally, Dean slumped into a chair in Kasey's room and stretched out his long legs. They had been going non-stop since Kasey's call, and he could use a little shut-eye while Sam took care of the technicalities. The sounds of the quietly beeping heart rate monitor were surprisingly comforting as the hunter found himself being lulled into a light slumber.

"Soon, kid," he mumbled sleepily, "You'll be home soon."


	5. I'm not sleeping

It took a lot of finagling, false threats of legal action and elimination of hospital funding, and a giant migraine, but somehow Sam managed to successfully organize the transfer. The doctor, amazed by the supposed "experimental procedure," was more than happy to write Kasey a clean bill of health, after getting Sam to agree to her staying overnight for observation, of course. The hospital board, was far less cooperative, stating it was a waste of hospital resources with one board member making an insensitive comment about Kasey being "a human vegetable."

When Dean found out about the comment, he was more than willing to shoot the woman, but Sam used a little more clout when handling the situation. Not much more considering that he threatened to have her thrown into a federal prison for interfering with a classified investigation and threatened to blacklist her entire family. Sam was talking out of his ass, but Dean was sure as hell not going to question his methods. Especially since, by noon the following day, they managed to schedule a transfer to Smith County Community Hospital, just 20 minutes away from the bunker.

"Damn, Sammy. Guess four years at Stanford really paid off," Dean commented as he texted Castiel with the update.

"Guess so. Assholes," Sam agreed bitterly. "We're going to need to get her Jeep to the bunker. So, if we head back to String Lake, we can get the ranger to open the road, and convoy back to Kansas."

Dean nodded in agreement as they walked back to Baby. "Sounds like a plan."

When Sam saw the familiar Wrangler later that evening, a nostalgic smile crept onto his face. Kasey felt almost the same way about her hand-me-down off-road machine as Dean did about Baby. Although, perhaps a bit less obsessive. It had been her father's before he died, but Bobby had hung onto it until Kasey could legally drive. Back in the day, she had been notorious for flooring it on winding hills and off-road terrain. It came in handy when they had to go deep for a hunt and Baby couldn't go certain places, though Dean absolutely hated the experience after almost bouncing out the back while on a case in the mountains. None of them should have been surprised by her driving considering how much time she spent traipsing through the wilderness and the fact that she was an adrenaline junkie at heart.

Aside from the dirt-covered floor maps, and the old guitar and map collection in the backseat, the Jeep was surprisingly clean. Sam took a deep breath and savored the smell—more cloves with a hint of lavender and earth. Revving up the engine, Sam chuckled as "Running Down a Dream" came on over the radio. It was one of her many favorites, which tended to change with the weather. But this song, in particular, was one of the special few that she would listen to with her dad. Anytime the song came on the radio, she'd never fail to start singing.

Sam could still picture it-him, Dean, and Kasey rolling down the highway in Baby, the song occasionally blasting over the airwaves. Dean never seemed to mind, saying the song was "halfway decent." But once Kasey started singing, it wasn't long before both Winchesters bobbed their heads along to the tune. On really good days, they would join in, belting out the music with the windows down. It was a "summer song," she used to tell them. Sam missed those days when they were happy together.

* * *

Weeks ticked by, and neither Sam nor Dean were able to find out anything more regarding Kasey's "milk-run" hunt gone sour. Sam's best guess was that it ended being more than one werewolf, possibly a small pack; but even that didn't quite sit right with the hunter. The only person who knew the answers to Sam's burning questions was unconscious in the hospital down the road. So, instead, the Winchesters continued to search every day for more information regarding the Mark of Cain. Each morning, however, before Dean woke up, Sam would steal off to Kasey's hospital room and just sit with her a while. He knew she couldn't respond, and most likely couldn't hear him. It was just comforting to be near her again and to talk to her. He would go on about everything Kasey missed: Purgatory, the mark, the trials, and anything else he could think of.

Dean knew, of course, what his brother was doing every morning but chose not to press the matter. For so long Sam had yearned to see her again, talk to her, touch her. But both Winchesters knew, deep down, that this was possibly the closest he would ever get to having Kasey back. Dean's heart went out to Sam—this was one hell of a way to get what he wished for.

At the end of March, Cas called the Winchesters with news that Cain was active again and killing people. It began with an inmate on death row in Livingston, Texas by the name of Tommy Tolliver, followed immediately by the death of his father. Cain was wiping out his descendants—men, women, old, young; Cain didn't discriminate. This quickly led "Team Free Will," plus Crowley, to the home of 12-year-old Austin Tolliver, and the final showdown with Cain. It ended bloody, with Dean coming out the victor, Castiel hiding the first blade, and Crowley slinking off in a huff because he was tricked into helping them.

The physical toll it took on Dean was intense, but the emotional aspect affected all of them. The mark was starting to have a stronger effect on him as well, to the point where Sam no longer trusted leaving his brother alone for extended periods of time. It left Sam feeling conflicted since it was now five days after the showdown, and he hadn't heard any news from the hospital. The growing stress and restlessness made the younger Winchester want to check on his former lover more than ever. Instead, however, Sam decided to let himself rest after being drained by recent events and Dean's situation.

Sleep, however, did not come easy for the hunter. It took several hours, but once Sam did finally fall asleep, it was full of visions of his brother losing himself to the mark while Sam stood by, helpless. Dean with black eyes, covered in blood, and countless bodies surrounding him as he mocked Sam. Then, his nightmare turned to a snowy wood, with wolves howling and tearing Kasey to shreds before shifting to her lying in the hospital room, comatose, and Sam once again unable to do anything.

Her screams and Dean's demonic taunts echoed in his mind:

"_You can't stop it, Sammy! Cure me all you want, but I belong to the mark now! And ya know what? I like the disease! I like feeling the blood on my hands! You can't save me… It's too late now!"_

"_You let me leave. You barely looked for me! You replaced me with some veterinarian you barely knew! You __promised__ that we were family, but look at me now, Sam! I'm as good as dead!"_

Sam jolted awake, panicked, and covered in a cold sweat. Every night he heard their voices and saw the blood. Taking a moment to ground himself, Sam took several deep, calming breaths and wiped his hand down his face. He couldn't just sit by; he had to find a way to save his brother, no matter what, and find a way to help Kasey. Shoving the blankets off him, Sam got up, threw on his flannel and boots, and grabbed his bag. He didn't care that it was now nearly four in the morning, he needed to go be at that hospital.

As Sam hurried through the halls, he paused at Dean's room to check on him. The older of the two Winchesters was passed out in his bed, arms crossed and slightly slumped over with his back against the headboard. His wireless headphones were still on, albeit a little skewed, and his laptop was perched next to him on the bed. It was one of the rare times that Dean seemed to get any sleep since taking on the mark.

Letting out a quiet sigh of relief, Sam continued onward to the garage. He originally had every intention of using one of the many vehicles in the Men of Letters' possession but, just like every time he went to see Kasey, he could not resist the old Jeep. She used to tease him for how much he seemed to enjoy driving it, often content to let him take the wheel for a change. As much as the Impala was home, Sam had to admit he appreciated being in a vehicle where he didn't have to crouch. Plus, the Jeep was much less claustrophobic and didn't have classic rock blaring on the radio 24/7, not that there was anything wrong with Dean's taste in music. But listening to outdated cassette tapes for weeks on-end would drive anyone nuts.

Sam shook his head gently and turned the ignition, this time Pearl Jam came over the airways. Pulling out of the bunker's garage, Sam once again headed towards Kasey, patiently waiting for her to wake up and come home to him.

* * *

Dean was restless on-and-off throughout the night. Everything Cain had said during their encounter was still echoing in his mind, and the mark seemed to pulse hotter than ever. He saw the monster that Cain had become and was terrified of succumbing to the same fate. These were things that Dean could never admit to his brother; Sam would fuss and fret over him, possibly making things worse. Moreover, Dean simply was not ready or willing to let Sam see that other side of him, what he considered weaker. He was the older brother, the protector. For as long as Dean could remember, he had to be the strong, brave one; always there to pull Sam out of the fire. Dean figured, however, that he had long since let his little brother down in that department.

Dean's mind was going down an all-too-familiar spiral of guilt and disappointment. Every once in a while, he used to be able to unload to Kasey about this stuff. Somehow, she always seemed able to relate, though he never knew why and never asked. The duo had quite a few late-night conversations, her playing soundboard for Dean and the two of them bonding over their mutual love for Sam and Bobby. They never told anyone, of course, but those talks were what really made Dean appreciate her hunting with them and were what helped him see far beyond Kasey being a witch. But then Bobby died, and Dean's anger and grief ruined everything.

Dean ran his hands roughly through his hair in frustration, once again waking from an uneasy sleep. He could feel his muscles tense in anger and self-loathing, only further fueling the heat radiating from the mark. In desperate need of fresh air, Dean pushed himself from the bed, grabbed his jacket, and headed for the garage. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice Kasey's Jeep missing.

Sometimes, on nights like this where the Mark of Cain and Dean's own psyche wouldn't let him rest, he would come out here and tinker away on the old, navy Wrangler. Since they brought it to the bunker, Dean changed the oil, replaced the brakes and spark plugs, gave it a tune-up, changed out the brake fluid, and washed it seven times. By the time he was finished, Kasey's off-road machine was in as almost pristine condition as Dean's beloved baby. He felt it was the least he could do, all things considering.

Dean drove around for hours, lost in his thoughts and memories as the brisk morning air cooled his face. Even the mark seemed to be sated, for the time being. He didn't have a particular destination in mind, simply driving aimlessly wherever the road seemed to lead him. When eight o'clock rolled around, however, Dean found himself pulling into the visitor parking at Smith County Community Hospital, where Kasey was.

When he walked into the familiar hospital room, Dean was first greeted by the sight of his brother slumped over in a chair next to the bed, asleep. Kasey remained unconscious in the bed at the center of the room, unmoving and still connected to a ventilator. He could have sworn he saw her eye twitch but instead chalked it up to stress and exhaustion making him imagine things. It certainly wouldn't have been the first time.

Dean gently slid Sam's laptop away, closing it and setting it to the side before taking the other chair, at the end of the bed. He found it so much easier to focus on their comatose friend rather than his own problems. Throwing themselves into saving people and hunting was typically how the Winchesters avoided their own problems. Although lately, it seemed regardless of what they were facing, the brothers kept hitting brick walls. Dean stared vacantly at the bed as he chewed his thumbnail, once again deep in thought. He almost didn't notice the suddenly incessant beeping coming from the heart rate monitor. It wasn't until strangled, loud, choking noises came from the bed that he even realized what was happening.

Kasey was awake.


	6. Just Breathe

Sam jolted awake as the sounds grew louder and faster. Kasey was beginning to thrash about in the bed, choking on the breathing tube down her throat. Sam leaped to his feet and quickly tried to console her.

"Kasey! Kasey! Shh, shhh. It's okay," he soothed, grabbing her flailing hands and squeezing them to help ground her. "Dean's getting the nurses. You're okay."

Dean had already rushed out into the hallway, shouting for help, "Hey! We need a doctor in here!"

The doctor-on-call and two nurses came running to the source of the commotion. When they saw what was happening, the staff quickly stepped in to take care of the now awake hunter and ushered Sam out of the way. The Winchesters watched from the doorway as they stabilized Kasey. She was shaking slightly, gasping for air as they calmly removed the breathing tube and replaced it temporarily with an oxygen mask.

Kasey's eyes were wide and panicked; she couldn't quite get her bearings and struggled to fully comprehend her surroundings. She didn't recognize the faces that crowded around her and, when the doctor pulled out a syringe, went hysterical. When she was in the coma, Kasey had nightmarish visions from when she was hospitalized as a child. Memories of sympathetic and kind-hearted nurses were warped into deranged and psychotic demons who stabbed and pulled at her. In her state of delirium, Kasey tried to push away from her attendants, almost tearing her IVs out and launching herself to the floor. Luckily, Sam jumped in and caught her halfway down, holding her close against him. It took Kasey a minute to realize who was holding her, but those hazel eyes and chestnut locks were unmistakable.

"Sam?" she rasped, tears streaming from weary eyes.

Before he could answer, Kasey pulled herself up and buried her face in Sam's neck, arms wrapped tightly around his neck and shoulders. One hand twisted the fabric of his jacket, while the other tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck. He was warm, and his distinct smell began to calm her down.

Sam gently rubbed Kasey's back as he soothed her, carefully setting her back onto the hospital bed so she could be examined appropriately. Dean watched everything from the safety of the doorway, bewildered by Kasey's reaction. Pulling out his phone, Dean stepped out into the hallway and called Cas to give him the update.

"Hey, Kasey's awake, but she's freaking out. We might need you to swing by and make sure nothing's wrong."

Dean continued to watch as Sam followed one of the nurse's instructions while another injected a sedative into Kasey's IV. She was still trembling and refused to look at her caretakers, still tucked into the safety of Sam's body.

"Alright, I'll be there as soon as I can. How's Sam?"

"Sam's fine. Just hurry up, please."

Dena hung up and waited to be allowed back into the room. Kasey was finally settling down, and her breathing had evened out. Her vice grip on Sam's shirt relinquished, and she slumped a little in the bed, the sedatives making her somewhat lethargic. Finally, their missing friend was awake, but what would happen next?

The nurses reassured Sam and Dean that the lethargy was normal. Over the next hour or so, nurses and the doctor on-call fluted in and out, taking readings, asking questions, and so on. When all was said and done, Kasey was issued a clean bill of health. She was also prescribed a vitamin regiment since some of her levels were low after being in the coma. Just to be on the safe side; however, the doctor requested that she stay a few more weeks for monitoring and physical therapy, in case there was anything they missed.

By the time Cas had shown up, a nurse had just dropped off a tray of food, which Kasey picked at with uncertainty. Without the hospital staff taking up space, the room fell into an awkward silence. Dean and Cas stood along the wall opposite the bed with Dean making weird faces, as he does when bored. Castiel was standing stoically; one would mistake him for a statue if it weren't for him occasionally blinking. Sam remained next to Kasey's bed, trying desperately to think of _anything_ to say.

"Soooo… Werewolf, huh?" Dean spoke up, rocking slightly on the balls of his feet.

"uh… Yeah, kinda. Two werewolves."

"So, what happened exactly?" Sam asked cautiously, "I mean usually werewolves are a walk in the park for you. And we saw that you had tracked it down from Alberta."

Kasey chewed her lip, thinking of what she should and shouldn't tell the Winchesters. She knew that eventually, they would ask about what she had been doing up o that point. So, for the time being, she decided to stick to just the werewolf case.

"It was something really out of season, that I wasn't prepared for—an alpha and his pregnant mate."

Sam and Dean both perked up, shoulders tense. Castiel cocked his head in confusion as he spoke, "I thought all the alphas were eliminated several years ago? When Sam and Dean were hunting them for Crowley?"

"They took out most of them, but not all. And those were only the ones in the continental U.S.," Kasey explained, "certain alphas fled to Canada, Mexico, and other places. Others simply went into hiding. Plus, it turns out, certain monsters have _multiple_ alphas. Vamps have only the one but werewolves, shifters, ghouls, skinwalkers, and selkies have several. Wendigo are still up for debate since _technically_ they're _all_ alphas."

"Wow."

Despite having hunted their entire lives, there were still things Sam and Dean didn't know. Hell, there were still things they were learning about each other. Just when you thought you knew it all, someone comes and blows it all away.

"Awesome," Dean snarked, "So, uh, is that where you've been this whole time? Chasing monsters through the Great White North?"

Kasey dropped her gaze and continued picking at her plate, "Somewhat, I guess…"

"You guess? We've been worried sick about you! Thinking a leviathan or Crowley got you and 'you guess' you've been busy hunting?"

"What do you want me to say, Dean?" she asked quietly, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"What I _want_ is answers! You didn't answer Sam's calls, we couldn't track you… Hell, you didn't even leave a note! You could have at least contacted us sooner!" the older hunter reprimanded.

"Dean—"

"Seriously!? You're going to act all caring and concerned _now_ you temperamental jackass!? You told me to get out of the way, Dean! That, or leave, so I did both! You're so damn hypocritical, you know that? You want everyone to do whatever you say, but then get mad if they actually do it!"

Kasey was seething. First time seeing the Winchesters in years and Dean was already picking a fight with her. But this time, she was not about to be a pusher, not again.

"Why don't we talk about what _you_ did while I was gone, Dean? Hmm? Going to Purgatory, having a bromance with a vampire, becoming a demon, shacking up with Crowley… Oh yeah, you were _really_ worried about me during your summer of love with the King of Hell. Thought he was your enemy, _Dean_?"

Dean froze, both him and Sam wide-eyed while Castiel squinted at her thoughtfully.

"What?"

"Oh yes, I know _all_ about it, Dean. Just like I know about the angels falling, and Sam playing house for a year with some veterinarian in Texas."

Sam felt his heart drop, and the color drain from his face. He had honestly hoped that she would never find out about Amelia. It was one of thebiggest mistakes of his life, and he was _still_ paying for it.

"How do you know all this?" Cas asked suspiciously.

Kasey stared straight into the angel's eyes, an intense but unreadable look on her face, "You don't want to know."

Sam opened his mouth to say something but was immediately cut-off, "Now, while I appreciate the supposed concern and you all coming to see me, I'm officially over this little reunion."

"Kasey, please," Sam pleaded as he held his hands up in submission. This couldn't be happening. He finally got to see her again and couldn't even really talk to her!

"The three of you have 20 seconds to get out before I start screaming and get every nurse on this floor rushing in here."

Kasey stared directly at Dean, never breaking eye contact and throwing down the gauntlet. Dean could feel anger bubbling below the surface, the mark on his arm burning red-hot. Before he could provoke her further, Sam leaped forward and made a grab for his brother's arm.

"Alright, alright. We're leaving, I promise. _Dean_! Come _on_!"

Dean continued to glare at Kasey as his brother dragged him from the room. Sam rushed them down the hall, glancing behind him as they left while Dean angrily shrugged him off. Castiel, however, remained behind, watching Kasey with curiosity. Kasey let out a heavy sigh and slumped back into the bed, eyes closed and biting her lip as she calmed down. After a few minutes, she finally addressed the lingering angel.

"What, Castiel?"

"If you truly hate the Winchesters as much as you appear to, then why did you call Sam for help?"

Kasey opened her eyes as she let out a sigh through her nose, "I don't hate them, either of them. But that doesn't mean I'm not still hurting from before… I'm tired and hurting, Cas. And I didn't call Sam so he could save me… I called to say goodbye."

"You thought you were going to die," Castiel clarified.

"No, I _knew_ I was. Those injuries… I should be in the morgue right now."

"Dean called me from Wyoming and had me meet them so I could heal you, before bringing you here. Almost all of your injuries have been healed, including some older ones."

"D-Dean called you?" Kasey asked, bewildered. After the blowout of Bobby's death, she had assumed that the older hunter hated her. She especially thought that was true after she left several days later.

"I have to ask, what cause those scars and burns on your back?"

"Kasey paled and stared at the angel with panicked eyes. She reached over her shoulder to where the scars used to be, a sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach. Did he tell Sam about them?

"I healed them. The scars are gone," Cas explained, noticing her discomfort. Kasey sighed in relief. "Did someone do that to you?"

Kasey swallowed hard and lowered her gaze. "It's… It's complicated. I don't want to talk about it."

"Sam and Dean would want to—"

"Drop it, Cas!" Kasey shouted.

Castiel let out a frustrated sigh and turned his gaze towards the windows. It was now mid-morning with an overcast sky promising rain later in the day. How fitting considering everyone's present moods.

"You know, Sam told me about the fight. About what Dean said."

Kasey looked up at the angel, waiting for him to continue.

"Bobby's death was never your fault. But Dean, he was looking for someone to blame; to take out his emotions and grief. He was mourning the loss of a father-figure and said things he didn't mean."

"… I know…"

Cas turned back to Kasey, "Then why did you leave?"

It was now Kasey's turn to stare out the window, deep in thought. Four years later, and she could still remember the day she left as if it had just happened yesterday. Hell, sometimes it still hurt like it did. Kasey could feel tears threatening to spill but drew a sharp breath and kept them at bay.

"It's complicated…"

* * *

_January 2012_

_Soft snores and the occasional sound of crickets filled the cold night air. Old, worn, wooden walls and a cracked ceiling surrounded Kasey as she sat quietly and unmoving on the sofa. It had been almost a week since the pyre for Bobby was lit. The guilt-laden emptiness had long since settled deep within her bones.  
_

_Sam and Dean were still able to sleep, despite or perhaps because of their grief. But Kasey's insomnia had only grown worse. With all the self-loathing and sadness swirling in her brain, the witch/hunter never found herself getting more than two or three hours of sleep a night. Her six-month-long depressive episode only seemed to have worsened._

_Kasey felt to blame for Bobby's death; her heart hadn't been in the hunt, and her mental state had slowed her down tremendously. It had such an effect that Bobby had to practically drag her into the van and shove her out of the line of fire of Dick Roman's gun, getting himself shot instead. It was an injury that neither the hospital nor Kasey's magic could save him from. Yet another person she failed to save.  
_

_Ever since Sam had been tricked into releasing Lucifer, a dark cloud began to settle over her. All the "too-lates" on cases, being unable to help with Sam's demon-blood addiction, being unable to save Jo after the hellhound gutted her, thus ending in hers and Ellen's deaths, being unable to save Rufus, being unable to fix Sam's mind, and finally being unable to save Bobby… It all tipped Kasey over the edge. It didn't help that she felt like she couldn't go to either Sam or Dean with her problems. The boys had enough on their plates with the Leviathans running about and, honestly, she never truly felt like she fit in with them. She may have been dating Sam, and deeply in love with him, but at times there was a deafening loneliness that threatened to drown her completely._

_She wanted so desperately to belong with them, especially with Sam. But at the end of the day, she wasn't a Winchester. She was a witch, and a failure of one at that; a freak with magic powers who added nothing to their hunts, was generally useless, and slowed them down. She was unable to console either of the brothers and slowly felt them pushing her out of their lives. Perhaps that was what really sent her spiraling—the Winchesters closing off emotionally, leaving Kasey to suffer in silence. She couldn't blame them really; loss affected everyone differently.  
_

_Tilting her head, Kasey peered over the back of the couch. Sam and Dean were still asleep in the bunk beds in the back of the one-room cabin. Sam was on his stomach, clutching his pillow with the space beside his having already grown cold, and Dean was resting on his back, head tilted towards the window. They never quite seemed to grasp exactly how much they meant to her, which was probably why Dean's words had cut so deep. He hadn't spoken to her really since the fight, and Kasey knew better than to ever expect an apology.  
_

_Kasey slowly looked around the cabin, her mind plummeting deeper and deeper into the darkness that haunted her. Bobby had known to an extent about her depression. He had begged her to tell the boys, but she could never do it. Bobby almost did right before the last hunt, but she begged him not to, afraid of what they would think of her if they ever found out. She actually almost stayed behind on this one, barely able to focus anymore without nearly breaking down. Bobby, however, refused to leave her behind, too afraid that she would possibly hurt herself if left alone. In the end, him trying too hard to care for the hunter he viewed as a daughter is what got him killed. Never again would she spend days bonding with her father's old friend while waiting for Sam and Dean to come home to them. Never again would she lecture him on eating better while he pointedly drank a whiskey just to spite her. Never again would Bobby be around for them.  
_

_Kasey buried her face in her hands, her emotions crushing her like a two-ton rock. She could feel everything closing in around her as if she had been stuffed inside a box. She struggled to resist the urge to cry out and finally break down, crying like she desperately needed to, afraid to wake the sleeping Winchesters and cause more problems. It felt as if she was crumbling under the weight of being a hunter and a witch, unable to keep up with everyone around her.  
_

_For weeks, well before Bobby's death, Kasey had contemplated just leaving everything behind. She didn't necessarily want to kill herself, though the idea did occasionally sneak up in the back of her mind. Kasey couldn't take the constant feeling of being a disappointment and letting those she loved down. More than anything, she simply wanted to disappear and never come back… So, she did._

_Kasey wiped her eyes, clearing the silent tears that had fallen, and took a ragged breath. It would be best for everyone; she would be out of the way, and the Winchesters could hunt without worrying about her slowing them down. Silently, Kasey made her way about the cabin, gathering her belongings that were strewn about. When she passed Sam still sleeping soundly on the bottom bunk, she paused. Would he even miss her when she was gone? He had readily defended her against Dean's outburst but since then had pulled away out of grief. It hurt, but not as much as it broke her heart to leave him. Kasey had often wondered what Sam dreamed about, whether he had ever wanted something more between them. But the voice in her head kept telling her that Sam would never love or want her the way that she did him. After all, she would never be Jessica Moore.  
_

_Kasey finished her task, more tears streaming down her face as she sniffled quietly. She thought about leaving Sam and Dean a note, and even started one, but couldn't quite make it past the words "I'm sorry." Crumpling the note and shoving it in her pocket, Kasey grabbed her bag and stopped to take one final look around the room. Neither of the Winchesters had stirred and, by the time they woke up, she would be long gone. Kasey didn't know where exactly she was headed, she just knew she needed to go.  
_

_With a shaky breath, Kasey opened the door and walked out into the cold winter's night. Running her hands along Baby, she made her way to her beloved jeep. Kasey sat for a moment, staring at the dark, dirty windows of the cabin. She half-hoped that maybe Sam would wake up and stop her in time, tell her to come back inside. But he didn't. Turning the key in the ignition, Kasey drove away into the night, not stopping to rest until exhaustion finally overtook her just south of Salt Lake City._


	7. Complicated

The memory was still fresh in Kasey's mind despite having been four years ago. The emotions from that night still overwhelmed her to this day. The depression and self-loathing had lessened briefly only to flare up again after only a few months, leaving her to self-medicate with weed and alcohol. Maybe she really was a Winchester?

"Long story short, it's complicated," Kasey finally answered after having been lost in the memory, "Everything Dean had said, I was already thinking. He just vocalized it all. I just—I couldn't stay anymore, so I left… I'm honestly surprised that they cared enough to find me _now_."

"Sam and Dean have always cared about you. When you first left, Sam was distraught, asking me to help locate you once I woke up from, well, everything. Why would you think they didn't care?" Cas asked with brows furrowed in confusion.

Kasey looked down at her lap sadly, "Just hadn't felt that way for a long time…"

Castiel quietly walked around to the side of her bed and sat down, deep in thought. "You humans are such overly complicated creatures… so easily broken in some way or another, yet capable of loving each other so intensely. It always amazes me how easily relationships among your kind seem to fall apart depending on one's choice of words or, in your case, lack of them."

Kasey stared at the angel in confusion, unsure what point he was trying to make.

"personally, I always rooted for you and Sam. You helped to keep him calm when he was most distressed, which I've come to accept is just his overarching personality. But, despite everything, you remained loyal when others necessarily wouldn't have, and even when Dean second-guessed him. Sam has leaped into the line of fire for you and trusted you implicitly when others did not. To him, you—"

"Don't," Kasey whispered painfully, "Please don't, Cas… You're wasting your breath. Everything you said, all that may have been true _once_, but I _left_. I ran away, and Sam moved on. The life I _always_ wanted with him, he lived with someone else. He never came after me, he—" Kasey couldn't continue, tears threatening to spill over. It was perhaps the biggest pill to swallow; the idea of Sam having moved on.

"Is that truly what you think? That Sam simply never cared for you? That you're replaceable?"

"I _know_ I am…"

"Sam looked for you many, many times. His time with Amelia—"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore, Cas. Please?"

Castiel turned to face her, seeing years of pain evident on her face, "Kasey, I have no reason to lie to you or hurt you. When Sam and Dean couldn't locate you, and after the demon tablet was unleashed—"

"Wait, the _what_?"

"Sam begged me to track you down. But then, Dean and I were trapped in Purgatory. When Naomi brought me back, Sam immediately begged me to try again. But Naomi… interfered," Cas admitted, shamefully, "I… let you both down. Eventually, after an incident with Crowley, we all assumed that you had been killed."

"You weren't actually wrong…" Kasey admitted, avoiding looking at the angel.

"So, then you _were_ dead?"

"Briefly, yes. A couple of years ago…"

"Then, how were you—"

"I don't know," Kasey lied. Truthfully, she had a very good idea who brought her back and how. She just wasn't quite ready to admit it to herself yet, although her aunt's suddenly declining health after centuries of immortality was becoming too obvious to keep ignoring. "It's still a mystery to me, honestly. I woke up alone, covered in dirt and moss."

When she had been killed two years prior, Kasey was brought back within a month. She knew immediately that it was not something she could do herself. Being able to resurrect oneself was a rare and difficult skill that even the most powerful of witches couldn't do. When Kasey searched for answers in her family's grimoire of white and green magic, she found a few pages had been cleanly ripped out.

Castiel watched the young woman for a moment, trying to see if he could sense anything different about her compared to years ago, but nothing caught his attention. "Well, regardless, please do not give up on Sam and Dean. Dean has carried a great guilt over you since you left, and Sam especially has missed you. Please, just give them a chance."

Castiel stood and left the room, leaving Kasey alone with her thoughts and the angel's request. Truthfully, she wanted nothing more than for things to go back to the way they were before, before Bobby died. But Kasey knew that too much time had passed; they had all changed too much. At the end of the day, she would always miss what they had before.

* * *

"Dude! What the hell was that!?" Sam hissed as they made their way out of the hospital. "She _just_ woke up, Dean! The nurses barely left, and you already start shit with her!?"

Dean let out a dismissive huff, "Well she coulda' answered a question or two. Or at least put in a little bit of effort after ditching us."

Something in Sam suddenly snapped at Dean's comment. In a flash, Sam grabbed his brother by his shirt and slammed him into the wall. Dean stared at Sam in shock, surprised by the sudden display of aggression.

"I didn't even get to talk to her Dean! I've been waiting _four years_ to see her again because _you_ ran her off. And then, the minute I get the chance to, you attack her again? Enough, Dean! You can blame the mark all you want man, but you and I both know that this is just you being an ass," Sam seethed, anger uncharacteristically rolling off him. "Man, I have put up with so much of your crap over the last few years but this—_this_ is the last straw… You're my brother, and I would do anything for you, but do _me_ a favor and stow your fucking crap with her for once!"

Sam gave Dan a hard shove and stormed off, leaving his brother gawking in his wake. Several nurses and patients had peeked out into the hallway to see the commotion. It was rare for Sam to stand up to or get physical with Dean, but when he did it usually meant he was pushed too far. Dean could feel the mark pulsating angrily in retaliation. It took everything Dean had to not yank Sam back and beat him to unconsciousness. Dean clutched his arm as he watched his brother stomp away, trembling slightly with exertion. Dean was still standing there, trying to regain control when Castiel caught up to him moments later.

"Dean? What happened?"

"Nothin'. Just Sammy letting out some steam. We'll be fine," he dismissed.

"Dean…"

"C'mon, Cas. She doesn't want us here," Dean stated as he walked away from the angel. "What are you lookin' at? Show's over, so beat it," he snapped at the few stragglers still watching from their doorways.

Castiel watched him briefly before looking back towards Kasey's room. He had sincerely hoped when he got the call that she was awake that the reunion would go so much smoother than it did. Then again, he should have known that human nature, combined with the Mark of Cain, would only lead to a bigger mess. It was the downfall of humanity—hubris, resentment, and lack of communication always tore apart even the greatest of empires. Hopefully, however, this was one war that could be resolved peacefully.

* * *

Two long weeks later, Kasey was packing her stuff before being finally being released from the hospital. She had worked her butt off every day in physical therapy, having to re-strengthen her muscles after being out of commission for so long. She hadn't seen either Sam or Dean since the day she woke up. It was honestly a bit of a letdown, but what could she do? Castiel had stopped in a few times to check up on her, which was a little weird considering they had never been particularly close in the past. Regardless, Kasey appreciated the companionship, as scarce as it was.

Cas had given her the cliff notes on everything that happened over the past four years, filling in details for what she already knew. He explained that, ever since Dean killed Cain, the effects of the mark on his arm had grown worse. While it explained why the older hunter had been so quick to lay into her, Kasey was not about to give him a free pass, remembering all-too-well Dean's infamous attitude. Still, she couldn't help but wonder what happened to the Dean Winchester she once knew—the stubborn as hell, strong, resilient hunter. Even when the cards were stacked against him, Dean would prove everyone wrong. Once upon a time, Kasey had admired him for his strength and determination. That was probably why it hurt so much when he lashed out at her over Bobby's death.

Then there was the Sam Winchester of it all. Kasey had sincerely hoped that Sam would maybe stop by and see her, and thought she saw him once during her physical therapy. But she knew it was just wishful thinking. Kasey figured it served her right for snapping back at Dean. Sam was fiercely loyal to his older brother, far more loyal than he would ever be to her. Hell, when Sam was addicted to demon blood, he even picked Ruby over her. The way Kasey figured it, Sam probably would have killed her for the black-eyed bitch.

* * *

_May 2009_

"_Hello, Ruby," Kasey blocked the petite demon's escape down the hallway. She would hear the faint sounds of shouts and things breaking from the directions Ruby just came. Apparently, Dean was having a rough go with Sam._

"_Well, well… The Winchester's pet," she mocked before flashing black eyes and a wicked smirk, "Tell me, do they know your little secret? Sam __really__ won't like you then."_

"_You're not taking Sam," Kasey stated coldly as she took a step forward. She refused to give Ruby the satisfaction of getting under her skin._

"_You're right," Ruby cooed as she also took a step forward, "He's coming with me __willingly__. Guess we know what he prefers—power over a practical joke."_

_Kasey swung hard, her fist connecting w/ the demon's jaw with an almost sickening crack. Blood pooled at the corner of Ruby's mouth, getting wiped away before she lunged at the hunter. Kasey was five inches taller and had a clear size advantage. However, centuries in hell must have served Ruby well because she put up one hell of a fight; punches, kicks, and hair-pulling turned a mean fight rough. Ruby was small and quick, but at one-point Kasey managed to throw her into a hallway table, shattering it, before kicking Ruby in the face several times. Kasey had just pulled out a blessed knife and was about to finish the demon off when a giant pair of hands threw Kasey off and pinned her to the wall by her throat.  
_

"_Sam!" she wheezed as his grip tightened._

_His eyes were dark and cold as he stared her down, the adrenaline from his skirmish with Dean still pumping through his veins. With one hand, Sam easily lifted Kasey off the ground as he continued to choke her while Ruby watched from the floor, bloodied with a malicious grin. Kasey's head began to swim from the lack of oxygen, and she could feel herself slowly losing consciousness. Kasey struggled against his grip, clawing at Sam's hand and arm in a desperate attempt to break free. For a brief moment, she swore his eyes had turned pitch black._

_Just as her vision was going dark, Sam dropped her and plastered himself against the wall behind him. His eyes were wide in horror as he watched Kasey gasp for air and struggle to regain control of her breathing, in a heap on the floor. Her sense had blurred, and she was in a total daze. She couldn't hear Sam call to her like a frightened child, nor could she really see him stare down the hall to where he left Dean bloody and unconscious. Kasey also couldn't hear Ruby attempting to call back Sam's attention, trying to coax him to come with her. Her senses finally steadied in time for her to see Ruby, clear as day, drag the giant hunter away, guilt evident on his face._

_For a few minutes, Kasey couldn't help but lay there crying. But she refused to let herself wallow too much, and instead wiped the tears from her eyes and headed to where Dean was, legs still wobbly. When she opened the door, it was clear that both Winchesters fought hard—the room was smashed to bits. Pieces of broken glass and wood were scattered across the floor, the room divider and table were demolished, and Dean laid crumpled by the door looking like someone smashed him with a brick._

_Kasey stumbled over to the older Winchester and crouched beside him. "Dean. Dean, wake up," she rasped. Her throat was still raw from Sam's crushing fist._

_After a few shakes, Dean came to, his muscles protesting. Kasey struggled to help him to his feet, almost buckling under his weight.  
_

"_What happened to you?" Dean groaned out as he leaned against her._

_Kasey caught sight of herself in the remnants of the mirror. Already a giant, purple bruise was forming around her neck from where Sam's hand had been. She had a cut lip, a few small scratches, and a small reddish-yellow bruise forming along one cheek._

"_Ruby happened," she said quietly, carefully walking Dean away from the carnage._

"_Ruby's got some big hands."_

"_She does now…"_

* * *

Kasey blinked rapidly and shook off the memory. Even though she never said it, she never 100% got over the incident. Perhaps that was part of the problem—she almost never spoke up when hurt or when stuff bothered her. Hell, there were a lot of things she never told the Winchesters. Even though Kasey had loved Sam Winchester, and was admittedly _still_ in love with him, part of her was always afraid of his potential after that. Especially after seeing Sam get vengeance against his college buddy, Brady, which made things _incredibly_ awkward for everyone. It was a side of Sam that Kasey never wanted to see again, and the heartbreaking moment that she realized any feelings Sam had for her would never compare to what he had felt for Jess.

Then, there was Dean with his temper and distrust, which always made her question if one day he would turn on her for being a witch, despite having only ever practiced white magic. Logically, Kasey knew that neither Winchester would willingly hurt her. When Sam choked her, he was reacting the way a drug addict or someone with Stockholm Syndrome would. Ruby twisted and used Sam, keeping him juiced up on demon blood for months and creating a dependency that would result in the Apocalypse. She knew all of this and had long since forgiven Sam. But that didn't stop the damage to her pride or her broken heart.

Dean, on the other hand, always seemed to have his greatest lapses in judgment when it came to being overprotective of his brother or being wracked with grief. But he would always be the fiercest of hunters at heart. Unfortunately, his training under John Winchester would show through at times, and Kasey would wonder if today was the day. After all, John coming after her is what led to Sam leaving her the first time, unbeknownst to the brothers, and the falling out with Bobby years ago.

Kasey gave her hospital room a once-over as she went down a mental checklist. She really didn't have many belongings left in her possession, the events of her time away having effectively taken its toll. Due to extenuating circumstances, it was no longer safe for either Kasey or her beloved auntie if she returned home. Instead, she lived on the road and went off-grid, only calling home to check on things when it seemed safe. Right now, however, she was eager to get back to her jeep and as far away from Nowhere, Kansas as possible.

It's not like anyone would stop her from leaving, just like before. Of course, this time she wasn't leaving in the dead of night. The realization that no one would care if she left again made Kasey take pause. That lingering bit of loneliness crept in again and felt like a massive weight on her shoulders. But Kasey did this to herself; this was her cross to bear.

At some point, someone had dropped off her bag with her clothes and things. Considering that no one else had come to see her, Kasey simply assumed that Castiel brought it. Grabbing up her stuff, confident that she was leaving nothing behind, she headed down to the front lobby to settle up. The hospital staff told her that they'd just mail the bill to her, but Kasey insisted on being allowed to pay the bill upfront since she no longer had a working PO Box. She really should get on that.

The cheery receptionist greeted Kasey and began pulling out paperwork—release forms, authorizations, and other excessive legal documents. While Kasey waited for her payment to finish processing (she actually used her own money this time), her mind once again drifted. All she could see around her were people happily walking out with their families and loved ones, while she had no one to take her home. Kasey considered calling her aunt to fill her in on what had happened since she last went off-wire but thought better of it. Her auntie had been having a sudden swing of health problems over the past two years, and Kasey did not want to risk causing the woman who raised her any extra strain.

Castiel had told Kasey that he would drop off her jeep in time for her release from the hospital. How he intended to get wherever he was going afterward still remained a mystery. As far as she knew, the angel couldn't teleport anymore since Heaven had been shut down. Kasey just sort of assumed that Dean would take him wherever their secret base was, not that Cas had given her much information about it. He had admitted that he, in fact, knew very little about it besides the basics of worn-down building, secret interior, and lots of useful stuff for hunting. Kasey honestly didn't entirely care as she hoped to get out of dodge before Cas started pressuring her about the Winchesters again. While she did, in fact, want to see them again, and wished they were there for her, Kasey had a sneaking suspicion the feeling wasn't mutual and definitely didn't want another fight with Dean. Not to mention, she had no clue what to even say to Sam. The old Sam and Dean Winchester, Kasey knew how to handle reasonably well. But the two seasoned hunters who were now four years older, they were strangers with familiar faces.


	8. Come Home

Kasey came back to reality when the receptionist handed back the now emptied prepaid debit card along with her receipt. Officially released from the hospital's care, she headed out into the windy April morning. At first, Kasey couldn't locate Castiel or her beloved Jeep. After a moment of searching, she saw why—Sam Winchester was leaning against the passenger side of her wrangler, waiting for her. Kasey froze immediately with butterflies twirling in her stomach while a nervous heat spread across her cheeks. Part of her wanted to run & hide, frightened at the prospect of having to talk to him again. Another part of her, however, wanted nothing more than to collapse into her former boyfriend and cling for dear life. 

Sam's eyes locked onto Kasey and immediately he straightened up, an uneasiness settling in his gut along with uncertainty. He was so nervous about seeing her again, fac-to-face, and had no clue what to even say. Castiel had told them last minute that Kasey was being released from the hospital that day. Charlie, having been stopped in for a few days to reorganize her search for the Book of the Damned, had constantly pushed for Sam to "sweep her off her feet." But in a respectful way. Before Sam could try and make an argument to Dean for having Kasey come to the bunker, the older Winchester shooed him off and told him to bring her home. Sam didn't need to be told twice and raced out of the bunker, taking off in the familiar Jeep. 

The short 20-minute drive had felt like an eternity. Though he had remained composed, the hunter's nerves were all over the place. His stomach twisted into knots as his mind ran through every possible scenario for how this could go. After what happened when she woke up, Sam had been admittedly afraid to come see her again, worried that his being there would send her running. Sam knew, logically, that Kasey's issues were mostly with his brother. But honestly, Sam didn't want to take the risk. However, that didn't stop him from sneaking up there to monitor her progress in physical therapy every day. Nor did it stop him from checking on her several times late at night, when he couldn't sleep. Sam cringed and made a mental note to never tell anyone about his borderline-stalker behavior. 

Seeing Kasey face-to-face again, Sam's throat went horribly dry, and his heartfelt like it would vibrate out of his chest. Kasey herself wasn't much better, frozen in place like a frightened deer. After a silent, mentally wracking stare-down, Kasey took a deep breath and closed the space between them as she nervously fiddled with the sleeves of her oversized Henley. 

"Hi."

"Hey."

_Awkward_

"Didn't know the hospital had valet service," Kasey joked awkwardly.

"Yeah," Sam huffed with a half-smile, "I, uh, figured you would want your Jeep back. Dean did some work on it… Cleaned it up." 

"That was… oddly nice of him," Kasey commented with confusion and a hint of suspicion that didn't go unnoticed by Sam.

"He has his moments," he shrugged half-heartedly.

"So… I'm assuming Cas told you I was being cut loose today." 

"Yeah."

The conversation died off, and an uncomfortable silence once again fell over the couple. Kasey looked anywhere but at Sam, and Sam suddenly found his boots interesting. Kasey's nerves were through the roof, and she mentally berated herself for not being able to think of what to say. Never had there been a more anxious and awkward pair of people. Gathering some nerve, however, Sam took the initiate and spoke up again.

"What are your plans from here?"

Kasey shrugged lightly, "I don't know. Was honestly just thinking of heading up to Canada or something. Could really go for something deep-fried and smothered in chocolate after all that hospital food." 

Sam laughed lightly at her comment.

"I'm surprised you're here, honestly," Kasey continued.

"Oh?" Sam stopped smiling and furrowed his brow at her statement.

"Well, I mean… It's been four years. I didn't exactly leave on good terms or at the best of times," she explained, "Not to mention that as soon as I see you two for the first time since then, your brother and I have it out… again." 

"Yeah, well, Dean can get over it. He could do with a bit of ass-kicking every now and then."

Kasey was taken aback by Sam's response, "Wow! Not gonna lie, that's something I would have expected to hear from Bobby, back in the day, not you. Why the change in attitude?"

Sam let out a heavy breath before answering, "Kasey, I've waited _four years_ just to see you again. I thought you were dead, couldn't find you anywhere, no one in the hunter network had seen you, even your aunt didn't know where you were…" Sam trailed off, his voice thick with emotion.

Kasey's chest clenched tight with guilt. When she went off on her own, Kasey made her aunt promise not to tell Sam and Dean where she was. It ended up paying off in the long run really, considering the mess she found herself in about a year or two later.

"I'm tired, Kasey. For years it's been one thing after another, and now with the mark? Something's just gotta give… And I've missed you. I've missed you a lot," Sam admitted defeatedly. 

Kasey's heart broke at Sam's confession; she'd be lying if she said she didn't miss him too. At one point, she was actually going to come back to the Winchesters. But then circumstances got in the way… And, then, of course, Kasey found out about Sam's relationship with Amelia. After finding out about that, Kasey had assumed that Sam simply moved on and never actually cared about her. So, with a broken heart, she had gone back off-wire. That is, until the werewolf case that forced them back together again.

Sam watched her with tired eyes, awaiting any sort of response. He wanted nothing more than for things to go back to how they used to be between them. But all things considering, Sam knew it was too much to ask.

"I…" Kasey began shakily, "Ahem, Cas filled me in on some parts." She was afraid to admit anything to Sam, knowing too well that it would open a floodgate of emotions.

"How did you know about Purgatory? Or about Dean having been a demon? Or—" Sam bit his tongue, stopping himself from bringing up Amelia. Knowing now that Kasey knew about his time with the veterinarian from Texas, he might as well give up any hope of them being together again.

"It's… complicated," Kasey tap-danced, "Let's just say you two weren't the only ones pissing people off. As for Dean, I heard about his time with Crowley from a few whiny demons I ganked. Apparently, they weren't fans of their little tryst either. Cas filled in the rest of that story."

Yeah," Sam nodded. He could tell she was hiding whatever happened. He knew better than to expect her to open up to him again, at least right away. Then again, he often questioned how much she ever really opened up to him before.

"He's got the Mark of Cain, and it's destroying him. Dena's not himself anymore," Sam said sorrowfully with slumped shoulders. He looked exhausted. "We're trying to find a cure. We could use all the help we can get." 

Sam watched Kasey hopefully but was answered with a huff. "So, you're asking for my help… Like your brother would ever accept _my_ help."

"When have we _ever_ turned down your help?" Sam asked, pointedly. "Honestly, he's not really accepting _anyone's_ help now. He's given up." 

Kasey stared at Sam momentarily in concern, "That's not the old Dean Winchester I know…"

"No. It's Not," Sam agreed. "Look, I know things with my brother are tense. And I know things between you and me…" Sam trailed off, a lump in his throat. "I need your help. You're one of the best trackers in the business and a damn good hunter. Not to mention your skills as a white witch. I'm begging you… Please?" 

Kasey took a deep breath and looked away, weighing her options. On the one hand, she had longed for years to be reunited with the Winchester brothers, especially Sam. At the same time, though, she knew deep down that too much had changed during their time apart. Not to mention, there was the current contention between her and Dean. Kasey highly doubted that the older Winchester would be as welcoming as his younger brother. To top it all off, what Sam knew about her hunting skills was outdated. The werewolf case that had landed her in the hospital was the first one she'd done since she found out about Dean and Cas getting zapped to Purgatory. She was rusty and lacked confidence. But Kasey could never stand aside when someone asked for her help, even when she doubted her usefulness. She especially could never say no to Sam.

Kasey let out a sigh of resignation and shut her eyes, "Where would we be going, exactly? Cas said you had a secret base of some kind not too far from here?"

Sam gawked at her for a moment before quickly regaining his composure, "Uh-um yeah! It's a hidden bunker on the outskirts of town." 

"It's a what now?!" Kasey's eyes flew open, and she gaped at Sam with confusion. It was admittedly comedic

Sam chuckled at her reaction, "It belonged to a secret society, the Men of Letters. Apparently, our grandfather on dad's side was a member. So, Dean and me inherited the castle, so to speak."

"Woah."

"Yeah, words don't really do it justice," Sam stated with a hint of pride.

"Well… I guess you'll just have to show me, huh?" Kasey asked with a bashful smile. 

Sam couldn't help the relieved smile that spread across his face. "Yeah, I guess so." 

Sam and Kasey watched each other for a moment, both wanting to say something else but unsure what. At least this was a step in the right direction. Sam pulled the keys to Kasey's Jeep out of his pocket, ready to hand them over. But before he could, she stopped him.

"Don't bother, Sam. Figured I'd let you keep getting your kicks out of being the driver for once. Especially since you seem to have taken over my car." Kasey nodded behind him. 

"I-I can explain," Sam stuttered as Kasey calmly moved around him to get into the passenger seat, nudging the giant with the door a bit, "You-you were in the hospital, and we had to bring it back with us! I mean we-we couldn't just leave it there, and you were getting transferred here and—" 

"Hey, Sam?"

"Sam stopped his nervous babbling, "Yeah?"

"Shut-up," she ordered with an amused smile, "It's fine. Besides, I seem to recall a certain someone saying he preferred my car to Baby because he didn't have to 'eat his knees' every time he got in." 

"You swore never to tell Dean," Sam pointed at her accusingly. 

"Did I say I told him? No. Now get in, shut-up, and drive."

Sam happily did as he was told and ran around the front of the car and climbed into the driver's seat. Kasey watched him and felt a familiar sick feeling settle into her stomach. She still felt heavily conflicted regarding going with him and simply being alone with him. She loved Sam; hell, she probably always would. But as badly as she wanted to get close again and lean into him, the fact remained—she left, and he moved on, creating the life she had always wanted with a complete stranger. It was a hard pill to swallow and still hurt years later. Kasey once again pushed down those heavy emotions that often taunted her and settled in as Sam drove them away from the hospital. 

The relatively short drive to the bunker was quiet but surprisingly comfortable. The former lovers seemed to fall into a rhythm together with Sam behind the wheel and Kasey gazing out the window. She watched as rolling farmlands passed them by, enjoying the familiarity of the moment no matter how brief. Sam kept sneaking glances at her, fully taking in her features and savoring having her by his side once again. He couldn't believe how little fight there had been in trying to convince Kasey to come to the bunker. For the first time in years, Sam was on cloud nine.

When they arrived at the bunker, Kasey stared at the building in disbelief. As far as she could tell, it was an abandoned power plant—tall, cold, and an admitted downgrade from the motel rooms they used to share. So far, first impressions were not going well.

"Sam," Kasey sighed dramatically as she pinched the bridge of her nose, "this is a powerplant, an _abandoned_ powerplant… You're squatting in an abandoned building, again!" 

"What? No! No, no! The bunker is hidden inside it," Sam reassured, pointing to the small steps leading to a cast iron door.

"Sam, I swear to God…"

"I promise! It's-it's actually really nice inside! You'll see… Just trust me, okay?" Sam requested as he turned off the ignition and climbed out. 

Letting out another sigh, Kasey looked back at the building and was starting to second-guess herself. However, she decided to humor the older hunter and grabbed her bag from the backseat. Following behind him, Kasey's nerves began to pick up again. Having known the Winchesters for as long as she did, she genuinely questioned what was awaiting them inside. What she saw, however, was nowhere near what she expected.

A wrought-iron staircase led to a vast, cement-grey room reminiscent of a top-secret military base. A giant, glowing, map table sat in the center of the room while cold war era computers and controls lined the walls. On one far wall was a map of the continental United States with various locations pinned, which Kasey assumed were where the brothers had worked cases. Near the entryway to what appeared to be a library, smaller certificates and frames were hung neatly. The stark, grey tones of the room were contrasted nicely by antiqued iron poles holding up the catwalk. These were matched with art nouveau style window fixtures and shiny, black, subway tiles covering the bottom section of the walls. Kasey stared around the room, stunned by the sight. 

"Uh… Sam?"

"Yeah?" Sam turned back to face her, already halfway down the staircase.

"Who the hell did you two kill to get this?"

"What!?"

"You've joined a cult! You've joined a damn cult… Bobby dies, I leave, and you two—oh mother fuck," Kasey set her elbows on the rail and buried her face in her hands. There was no way that a place like this did not come at some cost to the Winchesters. It was huge and looked absolutely _nothing_ like the places they had stayed in in the past.

"Wha—No! I mean… _Technically_ we didn't… Like I said, this place used to belong to the Men of Letters. And Dean and me are legacies."

Kasey dramatically threw her hands down and whipped her head to stare at the hunter with a 'what-the-fuck' expression. "What!?" 

Sam pursed his lips and let out a huff, "Basically, they were a group of supernatural experts and researchers. They went defunct in the 1950s after a knight of Hell wiped them out," he explained as he continued his descent. 

"Ah. I gotcha… So, this was their secret lair," Kasey confirmed behind him.

"Yeah, basically," Sam agreed, "It's the hub of all supernatural knowledge known to man."

"I still say it's the Batcave," Dean called from where he sat in the library. Sam led Kasey to the larger room, nodding in greet to his brother.

"Sup."

The library itself looked similar to one she had seen in an old manor almost a decade before, on one of her first cases with Bobby. The only difference was that the bunker's library had various weapons on display and warding symbols along the ceiling borders. Oh, and it wasn't haunted by the vengeful spirit of a scorned matriarch (as far as Kasey knew).

"You two have really gone up in the world," Kasey commented a little stiffly as she sat her bag down and took in the room.

"You have _no_ idea. Everybody has their own room, there's an actual working kitchen, no questionable motel stains, and the shower pressure is _awesome_," Dean bragged proudly, leaning back in his chair.

"Well, shit. You might as well be staying at the Biltmore."

A voice then called from the room Kasey and Sam had just entered from. "Everything is running smoothly, and the computers are faster than ever." 

Kasey turned around to see a small, redheaded woman bouncing their way, typing quickly on her tablet as she spoke. She had Shirley Temple-esque ringlets that barely reached her chin, insane cheekbones, and a milky complexion that really made her flaming tresses stand out. When the mystery woman joined them in the library and finally looked up, she seemed pleasantly surprised to see Kasey there.

"Oh! Hello! Are you a hunter, too?"

"Umm… Yes?" Kasey answered, taken aback by her cheeriness. Since when did the Winchesters hang around anyone even _remotely_ happy?

"This is Charlie Bradbury," Dean introduced, nodding to the redhead, "Hacker extraordinaire, Hero of Oz, and hunter. Charlie, this is Kasey Conklin, Sam's—"

"WAIT! You're _Sam's_ Kasey!?"

"I-I guess?" she answered awkwardly.

"Ohmygod! YAY!"

Charlie lunged and tackled Kasey in a tight, bone-crushing hug, knocking the wind out of her. Over Charlie's shoulder, Kasey could see Sam snickering at the two of them. After a moment of unexpected affection, Charlie pulled away with a huge grin and sparkling eyes.

"I've heard so much about you! Oh wow… I can't believe I get to meet you finally!" 

Kasey narrowed her eyes and looked suspiciously between Charlie and Sam, "Have you now?"

"Oh yeah. Like how you were the love of Sam's life, and he desperately searched for you behind Dean's back. Not to mention how Sam hasn't been able to get over you because you're a totally awesome badass." 

Kasey's eyebrows shot to her hairline in surprise. Behind Charlie, Sam was a picture of unbridled panic and embarrassment as he gaped at his friend. For the first time since maybe high school, Sam wanted nothing more than to find a giant rock and hide under it.

"You-you think I'm _awesome_?" Kasey questioned uncertainly.

"Um, DUH! Don't get me wrong, Sam and Dean can definitely kick some ass, saving the world, working the 'Family Business'… But you're an _outstanding_ tracker! Your hunting record is unmatched! _Plus_, you're this totally badass wild woman who not only can id plants and go completely off-grid," Charlie gushed, "But you're a totally powerful witch who can take out monsters with natural poisons and leave, like, no trace. You're basically Black Widow, Poison Ivy, and Katniss all rolled into one tall, gorgeous package. Like wow," Charlie blushed a little and gave Kasey a coy, cutesy smile. "And, I mean, I know there's totally stuff going on with you and Sam but uhh… If, ya know, you're available—" 

"CHARLIE!"

Dean nearly spit out his whiskey and immediately began choking. Kasey went into a bit of bemused shock. Sam, however, had his eyes bugging out of his head and a hint of betrayal in his voice.

"Dude!"

"What? Gotta play the field," Charlie responded nonchalantly, "You can't just hoard someone this awesome all for yourself… Selfish."

Sam looked like someone had just kicked his dog. Dean had ducked his head so Sam wouldn't see him laughing. Based on how often Charlie asked them about Kasey, neither he nor Sam should have been surprised by Charlie's little crush. But damn, he didn't think that she would actually _go_ for it!

"I—uh…" Kasey's face turned a deep pink. She had never really thought much of herself as a hunter, nor was she very accustomed to receiving compliments. Charlie's declaration of adoration was both flattering and overwhelming. 

"AHEM—alright that's enough of that," Dean spoke up after regaining his composure, "Pretty sure you just gave poor Sam a coronary."

Poor Sam was still looking hurt and betrayed behind Charlie. Kasey had to admit, it was a little amusing although she did want to comfort him for that hilarious backstab. Instead, Kasey restrained herself but made a mental note to talk to Charlie later about what she had been told. 

"Uhh, right… Sorry," Charlie apologized.

Sam threw his arms up in exasperation, earning a quiet chuckle from Kasey.

"So, let's give you the grand tour and get you set up," Dean ordered and motioned for Kasey to follow. She took a deep breath and grabbed her bag off the table. All the tension that had left her briefly was back full force as she followed the oldest Winchester out of the room. She cast one more glance at Sam and Charlie, who gave her two thumbs up and a huge smile. Being alone with Dean was _not_ what she wanted to do today.


	9. Sweet Dreams

Walking with Dean was a little unnerving. The last time they had seen each other, things had been heated. However, Dean proceeded to act like nothing happened and easily navigated the maze-like hallways of the bunker. He showed her the industrial-grade kitchen, the showers with the "fantastic water pressure," the armory, and the garage. After seeing the number of vintage cars and motorbikes parked there, Kasey had a feeling that this was where Dean the majority of his time. If it weren't for her excellent sense of direction, Kasey would have easily been overwhelmed by the bunker's layout.

After touring the important stuff, Dean led her to spare bedroom behind door number 13. It was fitting considering 13 was a witch's number, plus, Kasey had been born on Friday the 13th.

"This can be your room," Dean explained as he swung open the door, "It's just down the hall from Sam and around the corner from my room and the kitchen."

"Why am I not surprised," Kasey joked awkwardly as she stepped into the room.

"Hey, gotta have priorities. Go ahead and unpack, decorate, or do whatever you do. We'll be in the library if you need anything.

Dean gave the doorframe a smack of finality and bowed out of the room, disappearing down the hallway. Kasey stood alone in silence for a moment, taking in the room before finally sitting down on the edge of the bed, which was a lot firmer than she anticipated. The room was very basic, with no personal touches whatsoever. The vintage desk was bare, save for an old phone, typewriter, and office supplies. The dresser and closet looked like they belonged in the 1920s but were otherwise in excellent condition. The bed itself, however, was hard as a brick with a thin, dusty sheet set and blanket. There were no windows, nor any form of natural light. There were no plants, no signs of organic life. It was chilly in both appearance and temperature, with the only warmth coming from seemingly the library and the wooden furniture in her newly assigned room. Everything felt impersonal, and like Kasey was in an underground military facility; she hated it.

Kasey questioned whether or not she should even bother unpacking. Her auntie and Uncle Shep had raised her to not judge a book by its cover, and Dean did say that she could decorate. But Kasey didn't entirely trust there not to be another incident between her and the older Winchester. Plus, she didn't exactly count on being there too long, half-expecting to be told to leave again. The situation was very stressful, and suddenly more than ever, Kasey wanted to return to her hidden cabin in the woods.

"Hey," Sam knocked on the open door, startling Kasey from her thoughts.

"Hey, Sam."

"Did, uh, Dean show you everything?"

"Yeah. It's, uh…" Kasey trailed off as she thought over her words carefully, "It's something."

Sam easily read between the lines, "You're not happy."

"No, it's just… It's not what I'm used to."

"It takes some getting used to," Sam reassured, "If you want, you and I can go out later and maybe grab some plants and things so you can maybe decorate it how you want?"

Kasey had to admit, it was tempting, "Thanks Sam but—"

"You still expect the other shoe to drop."

"Yeah. I kinda expect him to up and give me the boot."

Sam inhaled sharply, "Well, don't. Dean's the one that said to bring you here."

"Oh," Kasey had a hint of dejection in her voice, which also did not go unnoticed by Sam.

"Not that I didn't want you here," Sam quickly recovered, "I've been waiting for four years for you to come home."

Kasey began staring blankly at the floor between them, "Home…"

Sam watched with concern as Kasey seemingly spaced out. "Kasey?"

No response.

"Kasey? You okay?"

Kasey blinked rapidly as she snapped out of her haze, "Yeah. Sorry. I'm fine."

"You sure? Because if there's anything you want to talk about, I'm here…"

Kasey stared at Sam for a moment, so tempted to just pour her heart out to him. But the logical side of her gave way to doubt. Why should she bother him with her issues when he's got enough problems? So, instead, she gave Sam a small smile.

"Thanks, Sam, but I'm good."

Sam knew she was hiding something but decided not to press it. He knew, eventually, they would have to talk about the four years they spent apart. But Sam knew better than to rush things, especially when she was already teetering about staying there. And he certainly did not want to risk her running away again.

"Alright… Well, let me know if you need anything."

"I will. Thank you."

Sam hovered for a moment, wiping his hands on his pants nervously. He seemed like he wanted to say something but had thought better of it. Instead, with a nod and a smile, he disappeared down the hall, leaving Kasey alone once again. Letting out a heavy sigh, Kasey tipped onto her side and laid her head on the pillow.

* * *

Kasey's first week at the bunker was awkward, to say the least. Sam was constantly nervous around her, trying way too hard to strike up conversations with her while tap-dancing around certain topics. Then there was Dean, who simply maintained an uncomfortable silence while she was in the room. It was a far cry from the talkative tour-guide persona he used when she first arrived. Between the pair's excessive behavior and the overall lack of warmth throughout the bunker, it did little to make Kasey feel welcome.

The bunker was quickly beginning to feel like an inhuman prison. The only room that didn't just also happened to be where the Winchesters spent most of their free time. So, that left Kasey with two options—either sit in the library and endure the continuous awkwardness with Sam and Dean or hide away in her room and wilt like a sad fern. Neither prospect was particularly appealing. The stress and tension of the living arrangement were slowly but surely causing Kasey to slink back into her depression. She could feel it creeping up in the corners of her mind, once again spiraling. But she did not feel comfortable enough to say anything, not that she had in the past either. Why did she even say yes to Sam in the first place?

Charlie had left the morning after Kasey arrived at the bunker. She had promised to locate something called "The Book of the Damned" for Sam in the hopes that it would provide _something_ to help with the Mark of Cain. Considering that Charlie had been the only person to make Kasey feel welcome, not to mention ridiculously easy to talk to, the defunct witch was half-tempted to go with her. However, she also felt incredibly guilty for even considering it. After all, she did abandon the Winchesters four years ago.

Another thing about the whole situation between her and the brothers was that it caused Kasey to have wicked insomnia. She was so anxious and restless that she barely got three or four hours of sleep a night, which only further fueled her once again growing depression. To cope, Kasey would often wander the halls of the bunker late at night or sneak outside to lay in the grass and stare up at the stars. It was seemingly the only time when she could properly breathe. Every time she made her little trek outside or wander the halls, Kasey would stop just outside Sam's door on her way back to bed. She was so tempted to knock, to just pretend for even a few minutes that she could lay next to him and things would be okay again. But instead, she would softly pad away to her room and quietly shut the door.

One night, however, in late April, Kasey was startled awake by the sound of Dean screaming for Sam. On high alert, Kasey quickly grabbed her father's gun and rushed to the older hunter's room, only to have been beaten there by Sam. Kasey lowered the weapon as she drew near and came up to Sam's flank, peering between him and the doorframe. Dean was tossing and turning in his sleep, drenched in sweat. The arm that bore the Mark of Cain was twisted tight in his blanket as he grunted and shouted.

"No… No, no! No!"

"How often does this happen?" Kasey whispered as she continued to watch Dean endure his nightmare.

"He was fine for a while, but ever since he killed Cain…"

The pair continued to watch Dean, equally worried expressions on their faces. Kasey had not yet really seen how the Mark affected him, although both Castiel and Sam explained that his temper and emotions were completely out of control. Despite everything going on and their history, Kasey couldn't help but pity the older Winchester. After Dean finally began to settle down, Sam and Kasey retreated down the hall to their respective rooms.

"I don't think I've ever seen Dean have nightmares like that."

"It's been a while, but I have. Right after he got back from hell," Sam replied sadly, not seeing Kasey flinch. "Something's gotta give. We need to find a way to remove the Mark," Sam stated definitely as he stopped just outside his door.

"Well, I told you I'd help," Kasey assured as she leaned against the wall.

"I might have an idea… But we'll need Cas' help."

"Alright, well, just let me know."

Sam nodded somberly but then stopped when he saw the shirt Kasey was wearing. "Wait a minute." Sam pointed to her nightshirt, which was an oversized, violet t-shirt with a greyhound on the front. "That's—Isn't that _my_ shirt?"

Kasey looked down and could feel the heat rise in her cheeks. Admittedly, she had swiped the shirt from Sam years ago but forgotten. Blushing profusely, Kasey turned on her heels and shuffled quickly to her room next door and across the hall. Sliding inside, Kasey leaned her head back and called out, "Not anymore!" before shutting the door tight. Sam smiled for what felt like the first time in ages and began quietly laughing at her before slipping into his own room.

_Some things never change._

Kasey leaned back against the door in her room, breathing a little heavily as she memorized that look that was on Sam's face. It was the sort of look he would get when being facetious. Or, more importantly, the look he would get when they were alone, when he would stalk her like prey and ravish her. Kasey could still remember the way his lips and tongue would feel against her skin, how they heated every place they touched. She could still remember the way his fingertips would dance along her curves to her hips before forcing her thighs apart so he could devour her. Sam may have been sweet and sensitive to everyone around him, but in the bedroom, he was all primal and dominating.

Within seconds, Kasey could feel a familiar wetness soak her panties as the heat spread through her core. It had been a long time since she thought about Sam that way, remembering how he always made her feel like a queen between the sheets. It was a way for them to always reconnect with after a rough hunt, or when the business took them to opposite ends of the country.

Kasey couldn't resist the tingle on her skin anymore; one look had completely ruined her. Snaking her hand down into her panties, Kasey began to rub her clit, using the mere memory of Sam's touch to see her though. With her other hand, she began teasing and twisting her rapidly hardening nipples. Even the slightest touch was enough to have her rapidly approaching the edge. Kasey began rubbing her clit harder, pretending it was Sam's long, limber fingers playing with her. Soon, her legs were starting to shake, and she had to bite down on her bottom lip to keep herself from making too much noise, which was in itself rather difficult. Kasey began to finger herself, her slick trickling down her thighs as she slid down the door to her knees, back and head still pressed against the door. She would see the familiar smirk on Sam's face, the one he wore whenever he watched her come undone. She could still remember all the things he would say to her.

"_You're so wet for me, baby. Bet I can make you come just like this…. You're always so sensitive when I touch you."_

She could almost feel the warmth of his breath against her ear.

_"God, your pussy is so warm… Come on, Kasey. Cum for me baby. I want to feel you cum on my fingers."  
_

She was almost there. Kasey rolled her shoulder, so her arm was more centered down her body, and began humping the heel of her hand as she rapidly thrust her fingers in and out.

"_That's it. That's my girl. Come on, baby... Cum for me… NOW!"_

Suddenly it was like fireworks shot off behind her eyes and Kasey's entire body convulsed, riding out the surprising tidal wave of her orgasm. She continued to rub and work herself through the pleasure until finally, she began to come down from the high. It was admittedly the first time in almost two years that she had thought about Sam that way. No lie though, Kasey felt amazing.

After taking a few moments to settle herself down, Kasey finally pulled herself off the floor, groaning as her joints cracked in protest. A little delirious from the force of her orgasm, Kasey quietly stumbled over to the sink to wash her hands. Shaking her head, Kasey slowly dragged herself to bed, hoping that the euphoria would help her finally get a bit of rest. Shutting her eyes, Kasey felt her body decompress into the ridiculously hard mattress as she began to drift off. After a few minutes, however, Kasey let out a groan as a sudden realization hit her.

"Motherfucker… I ran out there not wearing any pants."


	10. Ghosts

Sam's idea was to talk to some angel named Metatron again. Kasey had never met the so-called "Scribe of God," but based on what little Sam and Cas told her, he deserved a swift kick to the nuts. After being filled in on the basics, Kasey couldn't help but pity Cas for the way Metatron used him, just like how Ruby had used Sam. It was as the saying went: the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

After meeting up with Castiel not too far from the bunker, the trio headed to a nearby playground where the door to Heaven was located. Unfortunately, they hit some interference when they approached the guard. According to an angel named Hannah, who swapped vessels with the guard upon their arrival, Castiel had been banned from entering Heaven due to his most recent experience with Metatron. Hannah made it very clear that they and the other angels did not share Castiel's belief that Metatron knew how to remove the Mark of Cain from Dean. By the time the trio left, more angels had gathered and were armed. It was now time for "Plan B."

"Back in the 50s, Oliver Pryce was a kid psychic," Sam explained as he Cas, and Kasey walked down the dark street, "He performed everywhere—carnivals, Atlantic City, you name it. He was the real deal. Now, the Men of Letters were teaching him how to control his powers before they got… You know."

"Brutally slaughtered."

Kasey whipped around at Castiel with a "What-the-fuck" look on her face. Sam chose to ignore his angel friend's comment.

"Point is, he's one of the good guys. He might be happy to see us."

"Or not," Kasey deadpanned as she stopped next to the fence and pointed out the "No Trespassing" signs.

Kasey was admittedly very nervous about the whole plan. Sam had explained on the drive over that he wanted to use the psychic to communicate with Bobby. Hopefully, with his help, Cas could sneak into Heaven and retrieve Metatron. The man was dead and _still_ being dragged into the Winchesters' messes. Despite Sam's confidence in the plan, Kasey was absolutely terrified at the prospect of talking to Bobby for the first time since his death. For normal people, death typically was the end of things. But when you're a hunter… Well, sometimes it takes a few tries to finally stick, and even the afterlife isn't as peaceful as it should be.

Stepping up to the front door, Sam pounded on it loudly, "Mr. Pryce? Oliver Pryce!"

"I'll break it down."

Kasey lunged and grabbed Castiel's sleeve, "WOAH!"

"Dude, dude, dude! Chill!" Sam ordered with a hint of panic.

Cas looked between the two of them, "What? I'm helping."

"Jesus, fuck—NO!" Kasey reprimanded, "God, some things never change."

"Just follow my lead," Sam ordered with exasperation. Suddenly, the front door swung open to reveal a balding, older-looking man with large glasses and a tan cardigan. "Mr. Pryce? I'm Sam—"

"Winchester. You're Sam Winchester, Man of Letters."

"Yeah. H-How did you, uh…"

"Mindreader, remember? Nice witch ya got there," Mr. Pryce commented as he nodded to Kasey, "And you're… What _are_ you?"

"I'm an angel," Castiel answered.

"That… No, you _can't_ be."

"Why not?" Cas asked, confused.

"Because I'm an atheist."

"Not anymore," Sam rebuked as he slid inside past Mr. Pryce. Kasey followed behind him, along with Castiel, and the group made their way to the dining room.

After explaining the plan to Mr. Oliver Pryce, who only agreed to help them after being told to read Sam's mind to find out what they'd do to him if he refused, they set up shop. Kasey had to admit, she wasn't exactly comfortable with the way Sam went about getting Mr. Pryce to help but remained quiet for the moment. It honestly startled her how much he seemed to be acting like Dean, but Kasey pushed down her uneasiness.

Soon, everything was cleared off the small dining room table and replaced with a red, séance cloth with gold lettering. Kasey lit the candles in the center of the table, earning a confused look from Sam behind her. In the past, she was notorious for her little "parlor tricks," as Dean and Bobby called them. Kasey would typically light candles by simply blowing on them, or with a twist of her wrist if there were a lot of them. So, why was she using a match? Pryce already knew she was a witch, so why hide it?

Once everything was set up, the group settled around the table. It was a tight fit, with Kasey squeezed between Sam and Cas. She couldn't help but blush a little at the sudden close contact between herself and her former boyfriend, but quickly got her thoughts reigned in before Mr. Pryce could comment.

"You got anything that belonged to the deceased?"

"Yeah, right here," Sam answered as he carefully pulled Bobby's hat from his satchel.

Kasey inhaled sharply. That hat was the one Bobby was wearing when Dick Roman shot him, bullet hole and all. Sam glance over at Kasey as he gently set the hat on the table. Truthfully, he had a slightly ulterior motive for wanting Kasey to be there for the séance. He and his brother had both gotten closure over Bobby's death from their time spent with his ghost. Kasey, on the other hand, never got that opportunity. Bobby had told Sam about how Kasey left, explaining what he knew about the extent of her depression, which even then wasn't a complete picture. That was why, no matter how badly he wanted answers, Sam wasn't going to push her. Instead, he was going to let Kasey come to him when she was ready. Hopefully, her talking to Bobby and finally resolving some of those old pains would help.

"Now shut-up and hold hands," Pryce barked and began reciting the chant. Kasey gingerly took Sam's hand, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks. Sam gave her a small, reassuring smile before turning his attention to the séance and speaking up.

"Bobby? Bobby, can you hear me?" Sam called out, "Bobby, we need your help."

"Sam?"

Kasey tensed at the sound of the gruff, familiar voice and squeezed both Sam and Cas' hands. Sam peeked at her out of the corner of his eye and gave her hand a gentle squeeze back before giving Bobby the run down.

"And, uh, that's what's been happening. The short version of it, anyway. You still there, Bobby?"

There was a short pause before the deceased hunter spoke again. "Yeah, Sam. It's just… Real good to hear your voice."

"Yeah… You too," Sam admitted.

"Okay. If, uh, I'm understanding right, you gotta figure a way to get the Mark of Cain off Dean before it turns him back into a demon?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"So just another day at the office for you boys, huh? Put Dean on the line."

Sam, Kasey, and Cas exchanged looks, "Dean's not here."

"Why not?"

"We—Dean's um… He's not in a good place right now, Bobby."

"So, what's the play?"

"Each soul in Heaven has its own private paradise. That's where you are now," Cas explained, "You need to escape. You need to find the gate to Earth and open it. Then, you and I will find Metatron, the Scribe of God."

Bobby paused again, "Hey, Sam? Remember when this job was just chopping up some fang and tossing back a cold one?"

Sam let out an amused huff, "I miss that."

"Ditto. So, while I'm playing Steve McQueen, anyone gonna be looking for me?"

"Everyone," Cas stated bluntly, "The angels will not like a soul wandering free."

"We got any way to slow them down?"

"Not exactly. But, um, you'll—you'll figure something out, Bobby. You always do."

Kasey let out an exasperated sigh and shook her head. Sam let out his own sigh in return and gave her a look.

"Look, I appreciate the warm, fuzzy, but I ain't exactly playing in the Big Leagues these days, Bobby admitted, "I'm drinking and reading the classics. Truth is, I'm rusty. Maybe there's somebody better out there."

"There isn't, Bobby. And with Dean the way he is… This is all we got."

Bobby sighed heavily, "Hell, I'm already dead. What's the worst that could happen? So, where do we start?"

Cas gave Bobby instructions for exiting his Heaven and getting to the door to Earth, behind number 43. Sam had full faith that Bobby could pull this off. Kasey did too, but she was more so worried about what the angels would do to Bobby afterward. She made a mental note to discuss that with Cas once they were done.

"Hey, Bobby, one last thing," Sam added before the connection was broken, "There's, uh… There's someone I think you should talk to."

"Oh?"

Kasey stared at Sam with wide eyes full of terror. Sam, however, gave Kasey's hand another reassuring squeeze and mouthed for her to go on. Suddenly, her throat felt horribly dry, and she struggled to find the words. Bobby didn't know that she was there, Sam having purposefully kept it a surprise until the very end. Swallowing hard, Kasey tried to calm her raging nerves and tightly squeezed Sam's hand.

"Hey, Bobby…"

"Kasey!? Is that you, Darlin?"

"Yeah… It's me."

She could hear Bobby sigh in relief, "Dammit, honey… Where have you been? You had us all so worried… You alright?"

Kasey swallowed hard again, struggling to control the emotions that were rapidly spilling over, "Yeah, I'm okay."

"Good. Don't know if Sam told ya, but I was a ghost for a bit."

Kasey turned to Sam with wide eyes and mouth agape. Apparently, she wasn't the only one who had a lot of stuff to fill them in on.

"I was there when you left, honey," Bobby continued.

Kasey paled at his words, "Oh…"

I'm gonna get right to the point, Kase. Dean _never_ shoulda said what he did. None of it was true. My death was _never_ your fault."

"Bobby, I—"

"Don't you dare argue with me, girl. I'm not one of our boys. We all know damn well that shot was fatal. There was no saving me, and that's not on you."

Kasey sniffed a little, "Bobby if you hadn't stopped for me…"

"And what? Let that big mouth bastard get _you_ instead? Thought you were smarter than that, girl."

Kasey bowed her head, struggling not to cry at Bobby's words. For years, some of the nightmares that had been haunting her were of Bobby's death, her greatest failure. But to hear Bobby now? It was utterly overwhelming but, admittedly, ad relief.

"Now, you listen good. I wasn't you sticking with Sam and Dean, no matter what. Y'all might've had your issues, and lord knows Dean's mouth has got him into trouble more times than we can count, but you're family. Ya always have been, always will be. So, you need to stick with them, sweetheart. No more running off and scaring us off shitless, especially Sam, understand?"

Bobby's tone was stern but gentle. When he was alive, he never minced words and always told it to them straight. He may have viewed Sam and Dean like they were his own, but always held a special place for Kasey in his heart. She was much softer and more sensitive than the boys, not having grown up in the life like they did. So, most of the time, when the boys caught a case they thought would be a bit much for her, Kasey stayed behind with Bobby and played a more supportive role. That was how the pair grew as close as they did. Bobby took the witch turned hunter under his wing, teaching her the finer points of hunting that she didn't get to learn from her own father. Even in death, he was _still_ trying to make sure she was taken care of.

"Yes, Bobby," Kasey nodded as she spoke. Sam threaded his fingers with hers and squeezed again. On the other side of her, Cas watched the two former lovers with interest. The angel had sincerely hoped that the two of them could work out everything between them and come together again. Cas wasn't typically one to take an interest in human romantic affairs (he wasn't a cupid), but Kasey and Sam's relationship was one that he had grown to favor. Simply watching the two during the séance, Cas knew Sam was right—this was _exactly_ what they needed.

"Alright," Bobby stated definitively, "Let's get this show on the road."


	11. All I Want is You

Sam and Kasey waited patiently at the playground for Castiel's return. There had been an angel guarding the sandbox-gate when they arrived, but the pair quickly dispatched of him, giving Cas the all-clear to enter Heaven. Now they just hoped the Cas and Bobby would be able to reach Heaven's prison without interference.

It was a surprisingly clear night, albeit a little chilly. Kasey began to shake a little, still sensitive to the cooler weather. It wasn't long before Sam noticed her fidgeting, which usually only happened when she was anxious.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, you know me," she dismissed.

Sam stared at her a moment and then heard the familiar sound of chattering teeth. It had been so long; he actually had forgotten how easily Kasey got cold. Pulling his hand out of his pocket, Sam held out his arm for Kasey to curl into. She eyed him warily for a moment, waging an internal war with herself. She was still a little awkward around Sam, and things sure as hell weren't going as well as they could have been. She wanted to give in, curl into the loving, familiar warmth, but the thought of Sam having moved on to Amelia still haunted her innermost thoughts. And yet, the current chill and the mere memory of being in his arms was just so enticing.

Sam waited a few moments, finally lowering his arm in disappointment when Kasey suddenly slid over with enough force to knock the "oomph" out of him. Sam recovered quickly and tried not to laugh. Instead, he wrapped an arm around her and began rubbing, trying to keep her warm as they continued to wait. A comfortable silence once again fell over them, but it wasn't long before Kasey spoke up.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

"Hmm?"

"Me talking to Bobby. You planned that, didn't you?"

Sam stopped rubbing her arm and tightened his grip on her a little, "I'm not dumb, Kasey. I know his death is still hurting you, and I know that that's a big part of why you left. Dean and me… We got some extra time with him, but you didn't get that chance. You were just as close to him as we were, if not more. I figured… Maybe I could help you get a bit of closure."

Kasey didn't say anything, lost deep in thought. Bobby had told her to stay with Sam and Dean, which she did promise to do. But there were still so many unresolved issues between them. As much as she wanted to, Kasey just couldn't quite open back up to them, not that they knew particularly a lot about her before. What was the point? They had both already replaced her…

"That's just one of many reasons," she answered finally, her voice a quiet rasp against Sam's shoulder.

"I know… Bobby told us a little bit about your depression. But he didn't really go into detail… Why didn't you tell me?" there was concern evident in Sam's voice.

Kasey swallowed hard, "I just… I never felt that I could."

"Kasey, you could always come to me, no matter what. I know that things kept getting hectic, but I've _always_ cared about you."

"Have you?"

Sam was taken aback and genuinely hurt by her question, "Yes. I have. Kasey, you _know_ that… Don't you?"

Kasey continued to stare straight ahead, refusing to see the look on Sam's face knowing that it would only make her feel worse. Once again, her mind began to swim. Pulling away from Sam, she slowly walked forward, contemplating the weight of the question that had plagued her for years. Ever since she saw Sam when she awoke in the hospital, Kasey had been dying to ask him but was genuinely afraid of his answer.

"Did you—did you ever tell her you loved her?" Kasey asked, her voice a hoarse whisper, "The woman you replaced me with…" She could feel the tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. It was a question that had practically burned a hole inside her head ever since Kasey found out about Amelia. It cut deep and was something she simultaneously did and didn't want to hear the answer to.

Sam felt his chest tighten, and his heart jump to his throat. He knew the topic would eventually come up, not that he necessarily wanted to have it. Sam regretted ever wasting his time with Amelia. It was something that he knew would haunt him probably for the rest of his life, just like everything with Ruby would. However, if ever there was a time for Sam to man up and clear up the lost feeling between him and Kasey, it was now.

"No. Because I didn't," Sam stated definitely, his nerves on fire, "Honestly, I could never have loved her. She was a replacement, and a poor one at that. Amelia and me… We used each other to try and replace whatever emptiness that was left behind by the people we lost. In hindsight, it really wasn't fair to either of us…"

"But you had a life with her," Kasey said quietly, looking down at her feet, "A home, a dog…" Kasey could feel her stomach twist in knots. Everything Sam and Amelia had together… They were all things that _she_ had wanted with Sam, things that she had long since given up wishing for.

"So? I didn't want it with _her_. I wanted it with _you_," Sam declared wholeheartedly as he took a few, slow steps forward, "The only reason I even stuck with her for so long was because I kept pretending it was _you_. Every night, I _dreamed_ that it was _you_ lying next to me… That it was _you_ I came home to every day. That it was _you_ that I had a life, a house, and a dog with. And yeah, I did try to replace you," Sam admitted as he continued forward. Kasey looked back over her shoulder at him, eyes red and shining with tears, "I tried to replace you… And I failed miserably. That whole year was a lie. So no, I never told Amelia that I loved her because I _didn't_ love her… Because she wasn't you."

Kasey stared at Sam for a moment, mouth agape as she struggled to process his confession. His speech was the closest thing he had ever come to actually saying "I love you" in all the time they had known each other, and she felt the power behind them. Kasey's mind went into system overload as it bounced between the weight of Sam's words, and years of deep-rooted regret. Now, more than ever, Kasey wished she had never left. Instead of feeling relief and reassurance at what Sam had just told her, Kasey could only feel herself diving head-first into that familiar, dark sea that tormented her.

Before Sam could say anymore, the portal to Heaven began to glow. Sam cleared his throat and kicked into hunter mode as he strode forward. Kasey hastily rubbed her face on her sleeves to try and clear up any signs of her crying before also putting on her best poker face. But damn, was she bad at poker.

"SAM-TASTIC! Miss me?" chirped the short, greasy-looking older man who accompanied Castiel to terra firms. Kasey assumed that this was the so-called "Scribe of God". "Ohhh… And who is _this_ cute piece of ass?"

Kasey's skin crawled, and she made a face in disgust as Sam stepped in front of her, effectively her from Metatron. Naturally, the greasy angel had a comment.

"Hmmm, how very _alpha_ of you, Samwise. Who knew you'd be so protective of the _witch_ who ditched you?" Kasey flinched at Metatron's remark. Sam, however, remained unmoving and stone-faced, narrowing his eyes slightly as he controlled his temper. Sam would _not_ tolerate _anyone_ addressing Kasey that way.

"Oh, smell that? That smells like freedom," he prattled on as he inhaled deeply, "Well, let's go. I call shotgun!"

Just as Metatron tried to bolt towards Castiel's "pimp-mobile," Cas yanked back on the shorter angel's collar, effectively choking him, "You don't get to make demands, Metatron. You're not in charge here."

"Oh, I'm afraid I am," the scribe mocked condescendingly, "I know about the mark. I have your grace. _I_ make the rules. It's called leverage boys—learn it, live it, love it."

Cas narrowed his eyes and turned towards Sam, who simply nodded. Without further hesitation, Cas pulled out his angel blade and slashed Metatron's throat. Slamming him against the playground equipment, Cas pulled out a small glass vial and collected a silvery-blue substance from the scribe's neck. Kasey watched wide-eyed and opened mouthed in shock as their friend finished his task and healed Metatron's throat. As soon as Cas stepped out of the way, Sam pulled his gun and shot the scribe in the leg, causing Kasey to accidentally yelp in surprise.

"Sorry," Sam whispered sympathetically as Kasey covered her mouth in embarrassment. She was a hunter dammit, she needed to act like it.

"OW! Ow!" Metatron shouted as he grabbed at his now bleeding leg.

"We have your grace, Metatron. You're mortal now. So, you will answer our questions or Sam will, um, what's the phrase… _Blow your freaking brains out_. It's called leverage Metatron—"

"Learn it, live it, love it," Sam finished with a wicked smirk, "how do we get rid of the mark?"

Metatron whimpered as he continued to clutch his leg, "I—I don't know."

Sam raised his gun again, this time pointing directly at the now-former angel's head. And once again, Kasey's eyes went wide in shock.

"I don't know!" he repeated desperately, hands raised in submission, "It' s—it's _old_ magic, God-level magic. Or, Lucifer level, but you can't ask him exactly, can you?"

"What about the tablets?" Castiel pressed.

"No. Th-there's nothing in them about the mark."

"So, when you said, 'the river ends at the source,'" Sam questioned, "that was—"

"I was just making up crap. Trying to buy time till I could screw you over."

"No," Sam lowered his gun in disappointment. Kasey could see his shoulders slump slightly and reached out to touch him but instead held back.

"What!?" Metatron looked between Castiel and Sam, "It worked before!"

Castiel sighed in frustration, "He's telling the truth."

"What?"

"Shoot him." Kasey gasped as Sam raised his arm and once again aimed at Metatron's head.

"NO! No! No! Your grace! I wasn't lying about that!" Metatron blurted out in desperation, "There's still some left! I'll take you to it."

Sam looked over at Castiel and gave a light shrug, "It's your call, Cas."

* * *

The four-hour drive back to the bunker felt like an eternity and was spent mostly in silence, with Sam brooding and deep in thought behind the steering wheel of Kasey's jeep. Castiel had taken off with Metatron towards the location of his grace. Kasey was somewhat uncomfortable after the exchanges she witnessed that night. She, admittedly, didn't know the full history between Metatron and the Winchesters, but Sam's quick-to-shoot reaction did startle her. She remembered that hunting with the brothers tended to be a little intense. But Sam's behavior with both Metatron and Oliver Pryce was something that she would have expected from Dean. Once again, Kasey found herself questioning exactly how much Sam and Dean had changed.

"So…" Kasey began, finally breaking the drawn-out silence, "That was a little… _extreme_."

"Wh-what?"

"I mean… Just everything that happened tonight. You mentally threatened an elderly guy, and then got trigger-happy with an angel," Kasey half-reprimanded. In the past, Kasey was notorious for keeping the Winchesters in check with how brutal they would sometimes get on hunts. Sam once even told her that she reminded them of their humanity.

"Kasey, I _have_ to save Dean. Metatron would not cooperate otherwise, and we couldn't waste time trying to convince Pryce to help us," Sam argued.

"So, what? You just scare and hurt everyone into doing what you want now? Didn't know you picked up Dean's bad behavior," Kasey scolded angrily, "Guess you really are the ruthless hunter your reputation makes you out to be."

Sam took pause at her comment, unsure how to respond. He wasn't exactly unaccustomed to being called a brute, among other things by monsters and demons. Usually, however, the majority of comments _were_ directed towards Dean, with Sam often choosing a more mental and tactical approach. To hear it come from Kasey, well it stung. In the past, she always reminded Sam that he wasn't like his dad or brother, and that was part of what she loved about him. But now… Now he second-guessed himself. Had he really changed since she'd been gone? Was that really what he had become—a cold-blooded hunter who just cut to the quick in desperation? Looking back, Sam could see a lot of moments where he maybe lost himself during the hunt. The idea honestly scared him.

"Don't stress out about it, Sam," Kasey said quietly as she turned to look out the window, "You're not the only one who's changed."

"Yeah…" Sam watched her quietly for a moment, unable to read the expression on her face. He knew she was upset with his methods and just upset with Dean in general. But honestly, the exchange with Metatron was about more than just his brother.

Sam turned his eyes back to the road ahead, letting out a deep breath from his nostrils, "Metatron killed Dean last year…" Kasey turned back towards Sam with a look of surprise and questioning. "Because of that, the mark resurrected him. That's how he became a demon, a Knight of Hell."

Kasey stared at Sam in shock, "I-I didn't know…"

"Most people don't, except Cas, Metatron, me and Crowley."

Kasey tensed again at the mention of the King of Hell and inhaled sharply. Sam, luckily, didn't see her reaction, which she wasn't quite ready to explain.

"I didn't like the way he talked to you…"

"What?"

"Metatron… The way he talked to you and looked at you…" Sam explained sheepishly, refusing to take his eyes off the road, "You deserve more respect than that."

"Oh…"

Kasey didn't really know what to say. Sam had never been the type to get jealous, or outwardly show it in any way. Hell, even him getting overprotective like that was a bit foreign to her. The only times she could really remember Sam being overly protective were when she would get benched at Bobby's. Or, more commonly, when she would kill time waiting for the Winchesters by going solo on hunts. Needless to say, there were several fights between them over her "behaving recklessly," which typically ended up with Kasey accidentally shattering Bobby's windows and scaring herself.

"What?"

"What?"

"What do you mean, 'oh'?"

Kasey shrugged, "Just… Oh."

"Talk to me," Sam pushed gently.

"I just… It doesn't matter, Sam," Kasey dismissed as she turned back towards the windows, "Let's just—Let's just focus on the problem with Dean right now…"

Sam sighed in resignation. There it was, that wall that she kept putting back up between them the minute Sam made any headway. It was growing increasingly frustrating and hurt a little bit every time he watched that wall go back up. The more effort he put into getting close to her, the more and more he felt validated in the idea that she's hiding a lot more from them than she let on.

Letting the conversation drop, Sam turned his focus back to the road, contemplating everything that happened over the past 24 hours. Her question regarding Amelia and her comment about how he handled Pryce and Metatron gave Sam a bit of insight to what she was thinking and feeling. He wished that Cas hadn't come back quite when he did, though. It would have been nice to have held Kasey in his arms for once and comfort her. Seeing her cry… it was such a strange thing for him. In all the time they had known each other, Sam had only seen Kasey cry twice—once when she revealed to him how her father died, and the other when he took Lucifer with him into the pit. She had always been ridiculously strong and withdrawn with her emotions, refusing to complain or show pain in front of them. In the past, Kasey often said it was her job to make him smile, to make the burdens easier.

But then what was his job? Being together meant they were supposed to be a partnership, to help _each other_. So, what was Sam supposed to do if Kasey refused to let him? Today, Sam had made a little bit of headway, finally. But he knew that if wanted to really breakthrough with Kasey, it was going to take a lot of patience and a lot of perseverance. Luckily, after years of dealing with Dean's closed-off emotions, Sam was beginning to become a pro at getting through to the people he loved most. Nevertheless, between Dean's mark and Kasey's hot-and-cold behavior, Sam was _very_ stressed out.

* * *

When the duo returned to the bunker, Kasey immediately slunk off to the privacy of her room, barely acknowledging Dean as she passed. Once tucked away in seclusion, she pulled a folded-up envelope from her jacket pocket. Before they parted ways earlier in the night, Castiel had given her and Sam each an envelope containing a letter from Bobby. Neither had opened them yet, both choosing to wait until they returned the bunker to do so. Kasey stared at the familiar handwriting for a moment, her nerves starting to get to her again. With shaking fingers, Kasey carefully pulled out Bobby's letter.

_Hey, darlin.  
_

_So… it's been four years, now. Sam and Dean have missed you somethin' awful, especially Sam. I wasn't kidding when I said I was a ghost for a while. Really gives you a whole new perspective on people, when they think you can't see them. I know you're still hidin' and I know you're strugglin'. Sometimes, it's better to let the people we love see us at our worst so they can help us be our best. And sometimes… we just can't do it alone. I know it don't always seem like it, but you mean the world to those boys. Sam's made some bad choices along the way, but at the end of the day, he needs you as much as you need him. And Dean… well even though the stubborn ass would never admit it, he loves ya like a sister. You remind both of them of what it's like to be more than just hunters.  
_

_Now, I don't know what all you've gone through since I've been gone, but if it's anything like Cas thinks it is… then you need help. I know its hard, honey. And I know you're used to struggling alone because you think everyone else has got enough on their plates. But no matter what anyone tells you or what you think… You are worth it. You grew up to be a damn good woman, and one hell of a witch. Your daddy and uncle would be proud of you, girl. I know I sure as hell am. Keep fighting, sweetheart._

_Bobby_

Kasey crushed Bobby's letter to her chest and began sobbing. Even in death, the ornery hunter could see right through her. While the letter had been meant to be the encouragement and kick in the pants she so desperately needed, Kasey only ended up feeling worse. Who was _she_ to ask for anything? Sam and Dean had more important things on their hands. Who was she to be so selfish as to ask them to help with her mess of a life? It was the reason why she never spoke up before, when the depression first started to kick in. Kasey could never ask for their time and attention, not when she was already so unimportant. Sam and Dean were the men who saved the world… And Kasey was nobody.

Kasey let herself slowly tip over, burying her face in the scratchy pillows as she continued to weep, muffling her cries and gasps. Letting the Winchesters see that broken part of her, especially Sam, was out of the question. Kasey could never burden them more than she already felt like she had. After pouring all her pain, self-loathing, and tears into the flattened pillow, Kasey finally cried herself to sleep, clutching Bobby's letter as if it were her last lifeline.


	12. Running on Empty

For the next few days, Kasey struggled to even make it out of her room. She was tired, sluggish, and her body felt incredibly heavy. It was as if she was in a haze where she couldn't focus and could barely function, and all she wanted to do was lay in bed all day. After the further shift in Kasey's behavior, Sam began to feel guilty. Unaware of what was _actually_ going on in his former lover's head, Sam couldn't help but think it was his fault she retreated. Perhaps it was because of their conversation in the car ride home? Or maybe she got overwhelmed by his confession regarding Amelia? Honestly, Sam didn't know what bothered him more—Kasey taking an extreme step back and locking herself away, or Dean's blaze attitude concerning her behavior. If Dean were himself, he actually would have shown more concern over their friend's isolation. But now? Sam felt stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Thankfully, a much-needed distraction arose roughly three weeks after the Pryce-Metatron incident. Sam and Dean had been in the library talking when a very distressed Charlie called. Apparently, she had successfully located the Book of the Damned. Unfortunately, she also found some unwanted attention, leading to her being tracked through Russia and Alaska. After a recent scuffle with her pursuers, Charlie managed to escape, but not after getting hurt.

"I, uh—I got shot. Did you know dental floss works great on stitches? I only passed out twice, and I'm pretty sure my wound is now minty fresh," Charlie joked half-heartedly, groaning slightly over the phone as she accidentally pulled her stitches.

"Charlie, you probably need to go to a hospital," Sam advised with worry evident in his voice.

"No, no, I-I'm fine," she dismissed, "I just got to get someplace safe. These guys are still after me."

"What guys? Who?"

"Some southern fried d-bags. They've been after me since I dug up 'The Book of the Damned.'"

"You found it?" Sam asked in disbelief. He couldn't believe their luck; suddenly, there was a reason to have hope again. "Where?"

"After some near misses and some broken into museums, I found historical documents that led to a monastery in Spain. It burned down years ago, left for dead, but, uh, I had this hunch about it. Turned out I was right."

"Okay, Charlie, what does it say about the Mark?" Dean pressed

"I have no fracking idea. The language it's written in, I've never seen anything like it," Charlie explained, "I, uh, I found some research notes in the monastery crypt, though, by the Friar that buried it. 'The Book of the Damned' is a spellbook for creating or undoing any kind of damnation there is. If we translate this thing, I think we can get the Mark of Cain off you, Dean."

"Charlie, you're a genius," Dean commended.

"A genius fugitive," Charlie rebuked, still sounded panicked, "I—these dudes following me… they are well trained. One of them keeps talking about his family—"

"Family? Did you get a name?"

"No clue. I-I-I spotted a tattoo on one of them. Might be a family crest. It seemed occultly. Soon as the book was out of the ground, they were all over me. I, uh…. I don't know how much more running I got left in me. T-they're tracking the book somehow."

"Alright, then we need to get you off the grid, Charlie," Sam instructed, "Where are you right now?"

"Uh, just south of Des Moines," she answered with a shaky voice.

"Uh, okay, you know what? Our—our friend, Bobby, has a whole bunch of cabins scattered all around, places for hunters to crash," Dean explained, "You know, it's not much, but there's some gear and lore books, stuff to keep you busy 'til we get there."

"Okay, bring snacks. And Kasey. And every Men of Letters decoder ring there is. This book is old and scary, and I've never seen anything like it."

With that final note, Charlie hung up. Sam and Dean exchanged looks before taking off in opposite ends of the bunker. Dean headed straight for the archives and storage rooms to see if they had anything that could prevent whoever it was from tracking Charlie and the book. Sam, on the other hand, rushed straight for Kasey's room, praying that she would answer. Hopefully, she would be able to translate the book. And if she could translate the book, she could possibly undo the curse that they knew to be the Mark of Cain.

"Kasey?" Sam knock eagerly on the door.

No answer.

Sam knocked again, "Kasey! We just got a call from Charlie; we've got an emergency." A few seconds ticked by, but still, there was no response. Sam was about to knock a third time when the door finally opened.

Sam's eyes went wide in shock at Kasey's appearance. Her skin was paler than usual and eyes baggy with noticeably dark circles under them. Her long, usually fluffy, ash blonde hair was a tangled, greasy mess. She had her favorite oversized sweater wrapped around her, shoulders hunched, and appeared to be curling into herself. Sam had barely seen her in the weeks since they broke Metatron out of Heaven, save for the occasional glimpses in the hallways. Usually, Kasey was somewhat kempt in appearance, so to see her looking like this immediately set off alarms.

"Kasey? Are-are you okay? What's wrong?"

Kasey could barely raise her eyes to look at Sam's face, instead choosing to stare at his chest. The look on his face was unmistakable and made her feel like he could see into her soul. It was unbearable and made her want to slink back to the comfort of her crappy bed once more.

"It's nothing. What's up?"

"Kasey—"

"What's going on with Charlie?" Kasey interrupted with a firm tone to her voice. She quickly shut down Sam's questioning, making it very clear that she wasn't interested in discussing it.

Sam let out a resigned sigh, "Charlie found the Book of the Damned."

"Oh."

"Yeah. But she's in trouble. Said some guys with Southern accents have been following her. She's been shot."

"What!?" Kasey's went wide, and she paled at Sam's words.

_Oh, God, no. Please, not them… Not again.  
_

"She's fine, for now," Sam reassured, misunderstanding Kasey's panic, "But we need your help."

"Alright. Just give-give me ten minutes so I can pack and dunk my hair. I'll meet you in the library."

Before Sam could say anything else, Kasey slammed the door. Sam stood there, staring, for a moment or two in confusion. He could tell that she knew something about the men tailing Charlie, but to what extent he couldn't say. Eyeing the door suspiciously, Sam headed back to the library, mentally noting to question her about it once they got Charlie to safety.

Behind the door to room 13, Kasey was in a frenzy. Wasting no time, she scrambled around the room, haphazardly tossing clothes into her pack. She could hear the blood pumping in her ears and felt like her heart was going to fly out of her chest. After hurriedly washing her hair in the sink, Kasey threw her hair back and had to grab hold of the porcelain to stabilize herself. Everything was spinning, and she felt like she was going to throw up. Kasey stared at her scared reflection in the mirror, struggling to take calming breaths.

_You don't know that it's them. Settle down… It might be someone else…_

* * *

_May 2013_

_Kasey hiked through the woods, following her tracking spell closely. It had been a long hike into the 100-Mile Wilderness in Maine, and hopefully, she would reach the portal shortly. Between the spell, months of research, and tracking the portal she summoned, Kasey was exhausted. Why was it that the Winchesters always managed to get themselves in trouble?  
_

_Eventually, Kasey came upon a clearing where the portal sat just beyond a pair of enormous oak trees. Letting out a sigh of relief, Kasey snatched the crystal she had enchanted and tucked it away safely to be reused later. She had only taken a few steps forward when a strange man appeared between the oaks.  
_

_"Good evenin', Ms. Conklin. We've been waiting for you," he greeted in a thick, Southern accent.  
_

_The man was much older than her, his salt-and-pepper hair combed back neatly, and his beard smooth and kempt. He was dressed sharply in a clean, tweed, navy suit with a dark grey vest and matching shoes. He obviously put a lot of pride into his appearance but was completely over-dressed for a walk through the woods._

"_Can I help you?" Kasey asked warily, glancing around as two more men, dressed like hunters only with better fashion sense, also stepped out through the trees._

_"Yes and no. You are, unfortunately, a witch, after all. There is only but so much assistance an abomination such as yourself can provide," the man rebuffed as he casually strode forward. He must have been at least Dean's height with incredibly broad shoulders. Despite his taste in fashion, the man was admittedly intimidating.  
_

_Kasey took a step back, "If you know who I am, then you know that I'm a __white__ witch __and__ a hunter. I use my magic for good."_

_The men chuckled as they continued to stalk towards her. "Oh darlin', there's no such thing," one of the men drawled, "And you may have that drunk bastard Bobby Singer fooled, but we know better than to trust your kind."_

"_We all know that Sam Winchester has a soft spot for monsters and demons," another one spoke with a wicked grin, "Hell, he'll sleep with any abomination as long as it's pretty." _

_"Those Winchesters… They're supposed to be the best in the business, but clearly, they've been slacking since they let you run free."  
_

_"I have no one, and I've tricked no one," Kasey rebuked, brows furrowed in distress. To say that the men were bigger than her would be an understatement. And if they were hunters like she suspected them to be, then Kasey was in deep trouble._

"_You can try to bewitch and seduce us all you want, but we cannot be swayed by the likes of you."_

_It was an intimidation tactic, a mind game of sorts. They were herding their prey so that she only had one means of escape, likely having set up a trap somewhere else in the woods. But Kasey knew the wilderness like the back of her hand; there was no forest that she wouldn't navigate. If she could put enough distance between her and these southern hunters, then there was a chance that Kasey could escape._

_"Just who are you, exactly?" Kasey pressed as she continued to walk backward.  
_

_"We are descendants of a group of hunters and truth-seekers. We are a group of hunters who have dedicated their lives to the eradication of demons, witches, and other hell spawn who seek to taint this earth. We work to prevent those who would seek to condemn this world to hell from fulfilling the wishes of their unholy master, Lucifer. In the name of the one, most holy father above, we smite those who seek to destroy his most holy of creations," the first man preached. Clearly, his explanation was rehearsed, and Kasey couldn't help but wonder how many innocent people heard it before meeting their demise.  
_

_"You're religious fanatics. And if you paid attention or even talked to an angel, you would know that God isn't in Heaven, and hasn't been for a long time."  
_

"_Blasphemy from the lips of that disgraced angel Castiel," the first man rebuked, "He is a dishonor to the powers of Heaven and shall be dealt with justly, once he has served his purpose. But for now, we must deal with the likes of you."_

_Kasey turned around to flee only to slam straight into a fourth man, who grabbed her arms tightly and prevented her from running. The moment he touched her, Kasey's arms began to burn and singe, causing her to cry out in pain.  
_

_"Now, now, Ms. Conklin. There's no need for that. We would just like to chat," he cooed in a thick Louisiana accent. He was dressed similarly to the first man only looked years younger, with a much shorter goatee. His breath smelled heavily of tobacco and whiskey, and Kasey choked a bit, "As long as ya cooperate, we promise this won't hurt __too__ much."_

* * *

Kasey swallowed hard and pushed her damp hair out of her face. She needed to keep her cool until they knew for certain who was chasing Charlie and got her to safety. Pulling her hair back into a braid, Kasey finished grabbing her gear and headed into the library, where Sam and Dean were waiting.

"Well, look who finally showed up," Dean snarked, earning a warning look from his brother, "Finally ready?"

"Just waiting on you, _old man_," Kasey sassed coldly as she brushed past him towards the garage. Dean scowled at her as Sam let out a snort, mumbling something about not being that old. Gathering their bags and the box of books that Sam compiled, the Winchesters followed behind her.

The drive to Des Moines was mostly uneventful. Dean rambled on about finally catching a win, as well as something about going to the beach once the mark was gone. Sam flitted in-and-out of the conversation, distracted by Kasey's appearance earlier and glancing at her in the side-mirror. Kasey droned everything out with her headphones, trying to keep herself calm as she got lost in her own head. For the most part, it seemed successful.

When the trio arrived at the cabin in just over four hours, Charlie was startled awake with a post-it stuck to her face. "Merry Christmas."

"Hey," Dean called.

"Were you followed?"

"No, no."

"How are you feeling?" Sam asked as he looked her over, setting the box of books down in a nearby chair.

"Um…. I may have just passed out, but better."

"Where's the book?" Dean asked, setting down his bag.

"Okay, here's what I've learned so far. About 700 years ago, a nun locked herself away after having visions of darkness. After a few decades squirreled away by herself, she emerged with this," Charlie explained as she pulled the book out of her backpack, "Each page is made out of slices of her own skin written in her blood. I told you, it's eekish," she continued, both her and Kasey making a face at it. Charlie handed the book from Sam, who gingerly began flipping through the pages as Charlie spoke, "According to the notes I found, it's been owned and used by cults, covens, and the Vatican had it for a while. There's a spell inside that thing for everything. Talking some black mass, dark magic, end-of-times nastiness. As far as what language it's written in, I'm thinking it's some kind of… uh…"

Charlie trailed off as she watched Dean with the book. He seemed entranced by it as he slowly turned the worn pages. Kasey, Sam, and Charlie exchanged concerned looks before Sam spoke up, trying to get his brother's attention.

"Dean? Dean!"

Dean's head suddenly shot up at the sound of his name, "What?" Dean noticed the looks on everyone's faces and glanced down at the book still in his hands. He could hear a faint, disorienting buzzing, and softly closed the book, "I don't think it's a good idea that I touch this." Dean handed the book to Charlie and made his way back out the cabin, "I'll go get the rest of our crap."

"Right."

As soon as Dean was out the door, Charlie rounded on Sam, "What the hell was that?"

"He's not getting better. He's trying to cover, but… We need to find that cure, fast."

Sam took the book from Charlie as Kasey continued to watch as Dean drove away. The look on Dean's face kept replaying itself in her mind. He was losing himself more and more each day. Hopefully, they would be able to translate the book and save him.

"C'mon Charlie," Kasey called after a beat, "Let me check your stitching. I might have something that can help."

While Kasey was busy re-patching up Charlie and applying a homemade salve, Charlie and Sam continued to research the book. After Dean brought everything inside, he got with Charlie to try and identify the tattoo she saw on one of the men.

"Okay, I got a pretty good look at his tattoo. It's something like this," Charlie handed Dean a slip of paper with the drawing one it. Kasey let out the breath she was holding when she peeked over the older hunter's shoulder at the sketch. Thankfully, it wasn't the symbol she thought it would be, meaning they were dealing with a different group.

"The douche clan. Got it," Dean stated, "Well, this is everything the Men of Letters had on occult families, so there should be something in here."

Kasey eyed the files Dean was digging through. It was quite possible that the men she dealt with years ago were in there. But did she even want to know more about them?

"Sam, got anything?"

"Maybe. Uh, yeah, it's all in an obscure Sumerian dialect. Actually, found a rough match for it in this book," Sam explained.

"Great!"

"I thought so, too. But I've been translating, but none of the translated words make any sense. It's all just gibberish," he debunked, "I mean, maybe it's in a different dialect?"

"No, no, no. You're right, but I-I-I think…. I think this is in code."

"Seriously?" Kasey asked, looking up from the file in her lap.

"An entire book of unreadable text that's also in code. Great." Sam stated, sarcastically.

"And you call yourselves nerds. Come on. You got this," Dean encouraged.

"He's right. Let's get our Alan Turing on. Decrypt this bitch," Charlie urged further, full of vigor. Sam glanced at his brother and noticed his staring at the book.

"You know what, Charlie? Why, uh… Um, why don't we stick with my notes for a little bit? This book is literally making my eyes hurt," Sam excused as he shut the book in the lockbox.

Kasey looked at the three of them, feeling rather useless in their endeavor. Why did they even bother dragging her along? Charlie had actually done a decent job stitching herself up, even if she did pass out twice while doing so. And she couldn't read ancient Sumerian code. So, what was the point of her even being there? Kasey stared blankly at the file in front of her, once again lost deep in thought. Sam glanced up at her and noticed her far-off expression. She did that a lot, and Sam could tell she was getting inside her own head. He wanted to help her, to comfort her, but he knew that he could never devote the proper attention to her as long as Dean had the mark. Hopefully, Kasey could hang on until they got rid of it.


	13. Hurt

"Okay, even the Bletchley Circle couldn't crack this thing. I've tried every cryptographic algorithm there is. Goose egg," Charlie threw her hands up in exasperation. She'd been trying for hours to make a dent in translating The Book of the Damned, but so far been unsuccessful. Dean, however, had been busy researching the family that had been following Charlie.

"Well maybe that's not such a bad thing," Dean remarked, "Those people following you… Hmm? All kinds of wrong. Talking multi-generational, centuries-old wrong. The Styne family. Men of Letters' files have them dated back to the early 1800s. They used spells to create disease, to destabilize markets. Hell, they even helped the Nazis before they came into power, and they profited from all of it.

"So, they're like the supernatural Du Ponts?"

"Basically. All the spells they used came from a book of 'unspeakable evil' which they lost nearly a hundred years ago."

"Okay, so they're bad. So, what? We faced worse," Sam rebuked.

"Sam, read the file. The way the book works is when you use it, there is a negative reaction. I'm talking biblical negative. Dark magic always comes with a price. We know that. We've been down that road before."

"I might be able to help with that," Kasey chimed in, "While I was gone, I learned how to convert dark magic spells into white magic ones. It'll take a lot of time and research, but theoretically, I could do it again."

"Again?" Dean asked quirking an eyebrow.

"Its… It's a long story," Kasey evaded, feeling the weight of everyone's stares.

"Hey, it's a start," Sam commented hopefully.

"Well, let's at least translate it, see what it says," Charlie instructed.

"You guys don't understand," Dean said with frustration, "The book's been calling out to me ever since I laid eyes on it, okay? Calling out to the Mark. I can hear it like it's alive. It wants me to use it, but not for good. Look, I wanted it to be the answer too, okay? I really did. But we have got to get rid of that. Burn it, bury it, I don't give a damn. We'll just have to find another way to fix the Mark."

"Like what?" Sam asked in annoyance.

"I don't know."

"Dean, I literally just said—"

Dean cut off Kasey's argument, "Yeah, yeah… Conversions and 'theoretically.' Nothing good can come from that book. We don't even know if you were _actually_ successful last time!"

"Trust me, I was. Or is that you don't want to rely on a witch?" Kasey remarked bitterly.

"I never said that…"

"Alright enough, you two," Sam cut in, stopping any further argument between the two hunters. Sam was not in the mood for there to be another blowout.

"So, you're giving up?"

"No, I'm not giving up," Dean sighed, "Charlie, I don't have a death wish. Okay, even if I did, I can't die, not with this thing on my arm. What I can do is I can fight it as long as I can until…."

"Until what? Tell me. Until what, Dean? Until I watch you become a demon again? Until then? I can't do that. I won't do that," Sam stated angrily. He could not bear to go through losing Dean to the Mark again.

"Well, then you'll just have to lock me up. Bind me to the bunker like you did last time."

"That doesn't solve anything."

Kasey crossed her arms and sighed in annoyance. Dean was perhaps the most bull-headed man she ever met. Why couldn't he just let them clean up his mess?

"Look, just let us translate the book, okay?" Sam persuaded, "If there's a cure, we'll do it and deal with the consequences later. I can't lose you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"You change your mind on that, cause that's not what you said last time," Dean dug at his brother.

Sam threw the file in his hand down on the table in frustration, "Oh, come on, man. You know I didn't mean that."

"This is my cross to bear, Sam! Mine! And that book is not the answer! Now we got to destroy it before it falls into the wrong hands, and that includes me! I'm gonna go for a drive. Uh, Charlie, we forgot to pick up your snacks."

"Dean, look—"

"We'll figure out another way. And Sam, I'll get my vacation. But not today. Not like this," Dean stated definitively as he left the cabin. They could hear the Impala start-up before driving away from the cabin.

Charlie sighed heavily, "Sam, maybe he's right."

"No, there's a way to fix it. There has to be."

"Why is it that we _always_ have to clean up your brother's fucking messes?" Kasey seethed from where she sat at the small dining table on the other side of the room. "Why can't he just fucking use his head for once?"

"Kasey—"

"Shut up, Sam. Stop making excuses for him," Kasey snapped as she stood from the table and stormed to the door, "I need some air."

The door slammed behind her, leaving Charlie and Sam alone in the cabin. Sam let out a weary sigh and rubbed his hands down his face. When Charlie said that she found the book, this was not how he pictured things going. Then again, nothing ever seemed to go smoothly for the Winchesters, did it?

"So… I take it things haven't been going better between the three of you," Charlie asked cautiously.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Charlie. Kasey keeps going hot to cold to I don't know what. Every time I think she's letting me in she locks herself away or snaps at me. And then, Dean…" Sam threw his hand up towards the door in frustration, "I just don't know."

Charlie was quiet for a moment, pondering the conversation they just had. "What did Dean mean? When he said you changed your mind?"

"So, awhile back, we had a chance to, um… close the gates of Hell. And in order to do that, I would've had to die. And, I was okay with that, and I am okay with that, but Dean was not. And so, he uh…"

"He saved you," Charlie concluded.

"Yeah, he saved me."

"And let me guess, in doing so, he did something you didn't want, and that pissed you off. And you said something that hurt him?"

"Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Brothers… You know, I haven't been a hunter for very long, but it feels like this is the life. Mostly ends in Sophie's choices, death, or tears. Usually, all of the above, huh? How did this become my life? I mean, I was gonna own my own start-up, marry Scar Jo, invent something cool. Now I'm just…. I'm just happy to be alive," Charlie stated thoughtfully.

Sam nodded in agreement, "You know, when Dean came to get me at school, I-I told myself… one last job, you know? One more job. And then when–when I, um…. When I lost Jess, I, again, told myself one more job. There's always one more job, ya know? And one more job, and one more job, and then I was gonna go back to law and–and to my life."

"You were the Dread Pirate Roberts of hunting."

"Yeah," Sam huffed in amusement, "I guess I really understand now that…. this is my life. I love it. But I can't do it without my brother... I don't want to do it without my brother. And if he's gone, then I don't…." Sam trailed off. He couldn't bring himself to think about life without Dean again. Last time it happened, when Dean went to Hell after making a deal for him, Sam was a wreck. He completely lost his way, hell-bent on revenge, and ended up getting tangle with Ruby in ways he never should have. Without his brother, Sam lost all hope and common sense due to grief.

"I got it. I-I do," Charlie said sympathetically, "What about Kasey, though?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well… you obviously care about her. And the more recent stuff that got uploaded really goes into detail about your relationship… But what about her in all this? I mean did you ever fight for her or actually want her around for the long-term?"

Sam swallowed and leaned back in his seat, "Truth is, I was going to die for her."

Charlie's eyes went wide in surprise, "Woah."

"Yeah. When I was in the coma after not completing the last trial, I-I was more than willing to go with whatever reaper came for me. I missed her so much, and I just wanted to be with her again, you know?"

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked, confused.

"Crowley… He had told us that Kasey was dead and-and showed me the necklace her aunt gave her when she was 16. I still have it, just haven't been able to give it back to her…"

"So, what stopped you?"

"Dean. He-he kinda tricked me into not saying yes to Death himself, convincing me that there was a way to save me and that there was no way to know for sure if she was dead… Guess he was right, huh?" Sam huffed, looking up at Charlie. "Truth is, if she ever asked me to, I would jump for her. I feel like I've just let her down, ya know? Like every person I've ever been with besides her was a stab in the back. I know Ruby and Amelia were. And before them, Jess…" Charlie continued to watch Sam, subtly eyeing the door as he spoke. "I know finding out about Jess hurt her. I loved jess, and part of me always will. Hell, I was going to marry her. But Kasey… She's the whole reason I got into Stanford. We-we-we were going to go together, run away together... But dad dragged me away before I could finish up the last month of school. I still don't really know why. It was so rushed and without warning, which was a little weird for him."

"Does Dean know…"

"No. He doesn't," Sam admitted, "Honestly, he probably would have hated Kasey if he found out."

"Does Kasey know that—"

"No. How could I ever tell her that? That I was going to die for her? Hell, she won't even give me five minutes to talk to her properly. It's like I'm dealing with a total most of the time… I just… I wish she would talk to me, let me in. But between her and Dean…"

"You're split in two."

"Exactly."

"It's got to be frustrating," Charlie empathized, "Trying to save Dean while struggling to reconnect with Kasey. Has she told you anything about when she was gone?"

Sam shook his head, "Nothing. What she said about converting black magic to white magic is the most I've heard. She's shut down tight."

"Damn. Something big must have happened if she's still refusing to talk," Charlie surmised, a worried expression on her face.

"That's what I'm afraid of…"

* * *

Eventually, Kasey came back inside the cabin, quietly sitting down in her previous spot and going through the files before her. Sam and Charlie exchanged looks but chose to let her be, not wanting to provoke her. After almost an hour researching in silence, Dean came flying through the door, looking disheveled.

"What's going on?"

"The Styne's, they found me. Those douches are all jacked up, too."

Sam stood from his spot at the living room table, "What are you talking about?"

Dean threw a cup of some unknown liquid into the fire before answering, "I emptied a full clip into one of them before the son of a bitch went down."

"Dean, what are you doing with the holy oil?"

"There is a cure for the Mark in the book. But it comes at a price. We got to destroy it."

"What?" Kasey asked, also standing.

"Are you sure about this?" Sam questioned his older brother.

"It's calling to me, Sam, okay? I can hear it. It's calling to the Mark. It wants me to take the book and run away with it. Burn it now," Dean boomed. Suddenly, the group could hear the Styne's just outside the door. Dean, Charlie, and Kasey each pulled their guns, ready for a fight. "Sam, burn it now!"

One Stynes crashed through the window, sending glass flying as he grabbed Dean. Another barreled through the other window and grabbed Charlie. Kasey rushed forward to help the struggling redhead when a familiar voice called out, stopping her in her tracks.

"Well hello there, darlin'. Long-time, no see."

Kasey paled and slowly turned around. Standing before her was one of her captors from years before, standing tall and smirking darkly, just as he did when they met.

"Now, how did you manage to come back from the dead?"

Kasey didn't answer, instead taking a step back while everyone else was occupied. Dean and Charlie were fighting off one of the Stynes while Sam was busy taking the wrapped book out of the lockbox so he could cast it into the fireplace. Jacob Styne, the leader of the small team that was hunting Charlie suddenly burst through the front door of the cabin. Kasey, distracted by the sudden intrusion, was forcefully grabbed by the man and thrown across the cabin.

"This time, I'll make sure you _stay _dead," he promised, strolling towards where Kasey landed.

"Go fuck yourself, Nate," Kasey spat, struggling to get to her feet.

"Oh, darlin', no need to be a tease." Nate yanked Kasey up by the front of her shirt, only for her to stab him in the chest with a small dagger, earning a grunt, "Oh… Kitten got some claws."

Nate backhanded her across the face. Across the cabin, everyone was struggling with their respective Styne. Dean, noticing Kasey struggling, fired two shots into Nate's back before turning his attention to Jacob. Jacob, unphased by Dean's shots, continued his path toward Sam at the fireplace.

"Gah! You bastard!" Nate dropped Kasey to the floor as he shouted in pain. Mustering all the strength she could, Kasey tackled the larger man to the floor. Struggling to maintain her position overtop him, Kasey began beating on Nate's face.

Back at the fireplace, Sam threw the wrapped book into the fire, but when he turned around, Jacob Styne was practically on top of him.

"You silly boy."

Charlie managed to kill her adversary and turned around to see Sam struggling. Dean kept shooting Jacob, who grabbed Sam's throat. Struggling to breathe, Sam stabbed the huge repeatedly until Jacob finally collapsed.

Meanwhile, Kasey is still on top of Nate, shouting he she bashed his face in over and over with a broken table leg. Sam, Dean, and Charlie all watched her with wide eyes as she continued on, shouting with every hit. She looked crazed, eyes wide as she bashed away, large pieces of hair falling in front of her face. After a moment of shock, Sam stumbled forward and grabbed Kasey's hands, struggling to keep her from bashing Nate any further.

"Kasey! KASEY! STOP! He's dead! Stop!"

Sam yanked her off the bloody mess that was left behind, Kasey sobbing uncontrollably as Sam pulled her back. Dean and Charlie watched as she writhed in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably. Sam pulled her upright against his chest and pressed his cheek to her head, whispering in her ear.

"It's okay. He's dead. It's over. Breathe for me," Sam soothed as Kasey slowly calmed down, tears still rolling down her face.

Sam glanced at Dean and Charlie, who both stood speechless across the cabin. Nate now lay in a bloody mess on the floor, his face unrecognizable after having been bludgeoned to death. Kasey turned her head and buried her face in Sam's neck and cheek as she continued to cry.

_What the Hell just happened?_

* * *

Back at the bunker, Kasey sat quietly in her room alone. The entire trip there had been spent in uncomfortable silence. Charlie ended up falling asleep in the backseat, next to Kasey. Dean and Sam both kept glancing at Kasey in their mirrors, watching her for any signs of, well…. _anything_. She was mute the whole way back, seemingly in a daze as the Impala cruised down the highway. Upon returning, she immediately left Sam, Dean, and Charlie in the garage, making a beeline for the showers. Once tucked away from everyone else, with the noise from the water to drown her out, Kasey crumbled. Curled into a ball, she sobbed under the shower stream, remembering everything that Nate and his cult had done to her after she was captured.

She could still feel them cutting into her, mocking her, spitting at her. She could still imagine those dark eyes watching her with disdain, hating her for being something she couldn't control.

_"You will rot in the fires of Hell, witch. You are a stain upon this earth, a whore of Satan. No wonder you were so attracted to Sam Winchester… the 'true vessel' of Lucifer."_

She could see it all, clear as day, the nightmares that haunted her. Nate had been the main one of her torturers, sadistically getting off on her pain. He did everything in the book—waterboarding, branding, breaking bones, burning her, cat-o-nine tails, electrocution… All the memories came flooding back, and she was once again strapped to the chair in anti-witch shackles.

_Nate pulled the poker from the embers, watching it thoughtfully as it continued to glow red-hot. "Darlin', I told you we wouldn't hurt you too much as long as you gave us answers. All you have to do is cooperate. Now I'll ask ya again… Why did you open the portal?"_

_Kasey's head bobbed pathetically on her shoulders, "Go to hell…"_

_Nate jabbed the poker into her ribs, causing Kasey to scream out in pain. She could smell her flesh burning under the iron. After a few seconds, Nate pulled the poker away, leaving behind a perfect brand of what was once used to mark witches._

"_We'll just have to keep going I see," Nate said casually, like what he was doing to her was as simple as going for a stroll, "Don't worry, sweetheart, we have all the time in the world._

Kasey sat on the edge of her bed, exhausted and emotionally drained. Her wet hair hung loose in front of her face and continued to drip tiny droplets into her lap. After a while, a soft know came from her door. Kasey barely looked over as the door slowly opened to reveal Sam.

"Hey."

Kasey couldn't even respond.

"I, uh, I brought you some pizza. Thought you might want something to eat," Sam continued, nodding to the plate of pepperoni pizza in his hand. Setting it down on the desk, Sam then made his way over to where Kasey was on the bed and sat down next to her. Sam drew a nervous breath before speaking again, "Kasey… What happened back at the cabin?"

Kasey continued to stare blankly at the wall. She was unmoving, unresponsive. Sam gingerly reached out and touched her hand, causing her to snap back her attention.

"Kasey?" Kasey's eyes were wide with terror. Sam was unable to tell if she was actually looking at him or looking through him. "Honey… I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on," Sam encouraged softly, careful not to scare her.

Kasey drew a shaky breath and rapidly blinked her eyes, trying to compose herself. It failed horribly. The moment the opened her mouth, a quiet, choked sob came out. Once again, tears poured from her eyes, causing Sam to reach out. Wiping away some of the fresh-fallen tears, Sam cupped her cheek in an attempt to soothe her. Kasey shut her eyes and leaned into Sam's palm, seeking the comfort and warmth it held.

"Kasey… Did-did he do something to you?"

Kasey opened her eyes, struggling to keep her emotions at bay. Overwhelmed and unable to properly communicate, Kasey simply turned and buried her face into Sam's arm. She clung to him tightly, as if he were the last thing keeping her from drowning. Sam reached his free hand out and softly stroked her hair, resting his cheek on the top of her head. Whatever happened, she was not going to be able to talk to him about, not just yet. But that only further fueled the concern that wrestled in Sam's stomach.

_What happened to you?_


	14. Let It Be

Everything was a blur after the incident in the cabin. Kasey was practically a zombie, the way she seemed to drift around the bunker, barely eating or sleeping. Sam kept trying to get her to eat something, anything, but the most he could get her to eat was beef broth. Even Dean stepped in, trying to tempt her into eating, much to Sam's relief. He even attempted to bribe her with bacon, which only resulted in her throwing up, much to their surprise.

When she wasn't floating down the halls for water or to the bathroom, Kasey spent the majority of her time tucked away in her room. Typically, she was cuddled up against the headboard with the thin, scratchy blanket wrapped around herself. Sam made a point to check on her two or three times a day, trying to coax her into any sort of conversation. Mostly, however, he only got sighs in response or blank stares. No matter what they did, nothing seemed to get Kasey out of her trance. To make matters even worse, only a few weeks after retrieving Charlie and the "Book of the Damned," shit hit the fan.

Sam had opted to let Kasey sit out anything else involving the Mark of Cain, recognizing that she wasn't in any shape to even help herself. That being said, he wished more than anything that he had her there for Charlie. But it was too late, now. Sam stared into the flames of the pyre, silently abusing himself for her death. If he hadn't brought her in. If he had gotten there quicker. If he had brought Charlie back to the bunker. If, if, if… But none of that was going to bring Charlie back. Elton Styne had managed to track Charlie to the Blackbird motel, desperate to get his hands on the book, which was back at the warehouse with Rowena. So instead of letting Charlie go, he killed her. God, there was so much blood… Seeing Charlie like that was a living nightmare, one that he could never escape.

Sam continued watching the pyre, mourning the loss of their friend, with Dean standing stone-like beside him. "Charlie… We're gonna miss you. You were the best. And I'm so sorry—"

"Shut up. You got her killed, you don't get to apologize," Dean snapped.

"We were trying to help you."

"I didn't need help. I told you to leave it alone."

Sam shook his head, heavy with emotion, "What was I supposed to do, just… Watch you die?"

"The Mark isn't gonna kill me," Dean rebuked coldly.

"Maybe not, but… When it's done with you, you won't be you anymore. Dean, you're all I've got. So of course, I was gonna fight for you because that's what we do. And listen, I had a shot—"

"Yeah, you had a shot," Dean interrupted, "Charlie's dead. Nice shot."

"You think I'm," Sam struggled to speak, heart heavy with guilt, "You think I'm _ever _gonna forgive myself for that?"

"You wanna know what I think? I think it should be you up there, not her," Dean stated coldly. Sam's breath caught in his throat at his brother's words, "This thing, with Cas and the book, ends now. Shut it down before somebody else gets hurt. You understand me?"

Sam stood silently for a moment, thinking over Dean's order. He knew this thing with the Styne's wasn't over and worried about what his brother might do, "And what about you?"

"I'm gonna find whoever did this. And I'm gonna rip apart everything and everyone that they ever loved. And then I'm gonna tear out their heart."

Sam swallowed hard, and his eyes went wide at Dean's words, "Is that you talking, or the Mark?"

"Does it matter?"

With that final remark, Dean walked away, leaving Sam alone with Charlie's funeral pyre. How did everything fall apart so badly? Kasey was back but was a shattered reflection of her former self. The Mark's hold on Dean was stronger than ever. Now, to top it all off, Charlie was dead, murdered for aiding in Sam's desperate mission to save his brother. For the first time in a long time, it felt like Sam's world was falling apart. He honestly wasn't sure how many more hits he could take.

Once the flames burned themselves out, Sam headed back to the old warehouse. He was going to have to relay the news of Charlie's death to Cas but honestly didn't want to move. His body was heavy with guilt, and he honestly just wanted to give up on everything.

When he walked through the old, iron doors, he was immediately met with Rowena's attitude, "Well, about bloody time."

"Where's Charlie?" Castiel asked.

Sam stopped and had a pained expression on his face. He couldn't quite get the words out, and instead shook his head.

Cas let out a mournful sigh, "Oh no, God. I should have gone after her. I—what happened?"

"Me," Sam answered shakily, "The Stynes, um... they caught up with her, and uh, Dean's gone after them."

"So, he knows." It was a statement rather than a question.

Sam nodded in confirmation, "Yeah."

"Well, what now?"

"I'm shutting this down, I promised Dean—"

"Er, hello?" Rowena interrupted, "Anyone want to tell me what's going on?"

"NO," Sam and Cas answered in unison, effectively shutting up the witch.

"What about her?"

"Guess."

"I'd be happy to kill her, she just called me a fish," Cas stated bluntly. He paused briefly before speaking again, "What about Dean?"

"We uh...we should be able to track him," Sam explained, "I low jacked the Impala a few weeks back just in case. Here."

Sam pulled out his phone, showing Castiel a map with a flashing dot labeled "Dean." Suddenly, Sam's phone pinged with an email notification from Charlie. Confused, Sam opened the message, which contained a document titled " ." Sam's eyes went wide as he skimmed the file, and he quickly made his way to Rowena and showed her the screen.

"Is this what I think it is?"

Rowena's mouth hung open in shock, "Oh, that little minx. She's cracked the code."

Sam's blood started pumping with excitement, "Can you read the Book of the Damned with this?"

"Every last word." Sam looked at Cas in disbelief. "We can cure the Mark of Cain."

"Cas, go find Dean, make sure he doesn't go too far off the reservation, okay?"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm saving my brother."

"You told Dean—"

"—I know what I told Dean," Sam snapped accidentally. Regaining composure, Sam continued, "Cas, look. I've been the one out there, messed up and scared. And alone. And Dean—"

"He did whatever he could to save you," Cas finished Sam's thought.

"Yes. I mean, it's become his thing. I owe him this. I owe him everything. Look, I know he pretends he can ride the Mark out, but you and I know the truth. We know what happens if we don't cure him. We both know where that road ends."

"Black eyes and blood."

"Yes. Go. Find him, Cas. Keep him safe," Sam instructed.

"Okay."

With that, Cas took his leave. Sam was actually feeling hopeful again, that maybe Charlie's sacrifice wasn't for nothing. Unfortunately, Rowena quickly brought him crashing down. Instead of translating the text, as per their agreement, she refused to assist further without a bit of compensation. Her request—Sam was to kill Crowley. Sam was furious. They were so close to the finish line, but she was now delaying the end goal.

Sam slammed his fist angrily on the table, "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!"

"Right, you don't! Your brother's a walkin' freakin' time bomb, and the clock, she's a ticking. So, you will kill my son, and you will do it my way, now!" Rowena shouted back, shooing Sam away.

Sam stormed out of the warehouse. It was always something. Pulling out his phone, Sam made a quick phone call to Kasey. He knew she probably wouldn't answer, but he at the very least wanted to make sure she didn't think they deserted her. Only three rings, and the call went to voicemail. Clearly, she wasn't in the mood to talk, so Sam left her a message at the tone.

"Kasey, it's Sam. Listen… A lot happened and, well… Charlie's dead. The Styne's got to her. Dean's out on a revenge mission, but I got Cas tailing him. Charlie was able to translate the book, so I-I got Rowena working on that, but she wants me to kill Crowley first," Sam inhaled deeply, catching his breath, "Look, I know-I know things are shit. I know everything is really crazy right now. But, as soon as I get this done, I'm gonna take care of you. I'm gonna come home, and we'll talk or do whatever you want, and I'll sit and listen to anything you have to say. As soon as this is done, I'm all yours. So, just… Please, hang on for me. I'll be home soon."

* * *

Killing Crowley was not as simple or straightforward as Sam had hoped it would be. Sam had lured him to a warehouse with a fake voice recording of Dean. Once he had Crowley where he wanted him, Sam shot the King of Hell with a Devil's Trap bullet. Unable to move, Crowley couldn't stop the desperate hunter from slipping Rowena's hex bag into his pocket. However, despite Sam's preparations and having Ruby's demon-killing blade as back-up, Crowley was slow to perish.

"I thought you were the smart one," Crowley chastised, "Working with my mother. Are you insane! You actually trust her?"

"'Course not. Not even a little," Sam rebuked

"Then, why? What has she got over you?"

"Will you just die already?"

Crowley coughed loudly, spitting up blood, "That's what I get."

"What?"

"I said, that's what I get for trying to be the good guy."

Sam huffed in disbelief, "Wait a second, so you're the good guy?"

Crowley looked up at the tall hunter from where he lay on the dirty, concrete floor, "Do you have any idea what I've been at for the past year? The changes I made to hell!?"

"Am I supposed to be impressed by that?"

"Yes!" Crowley choked out, coughing up more blood, "I thought if I did better, I might actually feel something again. That it might matter."

Sam glared down at the dying King of Hell, "It doesn't matter. Maybe everybody else forgot about all the bad you've done, but I haven't! I have watched you kill people, Crowley. Innocent people! People I cared about, people I loved! So yeah, you have the accent, and the suit, and the snark, but at the end of it, you are a monster! Just like all the rest of them. And I'm gonna watch you die, screaming. Just like all the rest of them."

Sam was seething. Years of resentment at having to put up with Crowley's bullshit were finally boiling over. Truth was, he didn't really need Rowena to blackmail him into killing her son; he was more than happy to do so. The constant frustration of having to deal with Crowley for years on end, combined with the stresses from trying to cure Dean and get through to Kasey finally made Sam snap. He was going to enjoy watching Crowley die, even if it was taking longer than he hoped.

"You're right. I am a monster," Crowley agreed quietly, "And I've done bad. I've done things you can't even imagine. Horrible, evil, messy things…" Crowley turned his head to look up at Sam, his eyes the familiar dark red of a powerful demon. This time, however, there seemed to be smoke swirling inside them as he spoke, "And I've loved every. Damn. Minute."

Sam watched Crowley with confusion, taking a step back from him. Casually, the demon pulled the devil's trap bullet out of his wound and stood up. The was a silent rage behind his eyes had Sam flustered and second-guessing.

"So, thank you, Sam. For reminding me who I really am." With a flick of his wrist, Crowley sent Sam flying across the room and through a nearby window. Shattered glass crunched under the King of Hell's feet as he strode over to where Sam lay. Pulling the hex bag out of his pocket, Crowley spoke once more, "Powerful magic. Might have worked on any other demon. But me? Please."

Crowley set the bag ablaze, Sam watching in horror from the floor. This was _not_ how any of this was supposed to go.

"Word is your little girlfriend is back from the dead. Tell me, has she told you yet about our lovely time together?" Sam cocked his head in confusion at the King of Hell, "No? Well, I suppose it would be difficult for her to talk about… Being tortured in hell by yours truly. Then again, I guess there really is no more trust between the two of you, is there? After all, she went through literal hell, and you were playing house with little-miss-nobody in Texas," Crowley mocked.

Glancing sideways, Sam noticed Ruby's knife laying only a few feet away. Before he could grab it, however, Crowley sent the knife flying with a wave of his hand. Now standing over him, Crowley held his fingers at the ready; a single snap would be the end of Sam's life. Sam watched, wide-eyed and breathless, waiting for his end.

"I could kill you. Snap my fingers, easiest thing in the world," Crowley stated plainly. But much to Sam's surprise, Crowley lowered his hand instead, "From here on, I want you to know that the only reason you're alive is because I allowed it. And I want you to deliver a message—You tell that ginger whore that I gave her a chance to walk away and she spat in my face. So now, she'll never see me coming."

Just like that, Crowley vanished, leaving Sam alone on the dirty warehouse floor. Panting heavily, Sam collapsed back, staring at the ceiling and replaying the altercation in his head. So, Crowley really hadn't been lying years ago, when he told him and Dean that Kasey was dead. Sam felt his heart clench in his chest—Kasey went to hell, and he wasn't there to save her. If ever there was someone who deserved to go to Heaven, it was here. So, how did she end up in hell being Crowley's favorite plaything? Did he grab her soul just like he did Bobby's? Sam closed his eyes and let out a ragged sigh as his head began to spin. The hits were still coming.

* * *

Kasey meandered out of her room in search of something light to eat. She had received Sam's message the day before and replayed it several times since then. Despite her current mental state, his voice was a grounding force. So was his scent, which was why Kasey continued to wear his old purple shirt. He had washed it one day with his clothes and, thankfully, the smell of books, sandalwood, and whiskey were back. It was comforting, and slowly helped clear her head.

Halfway down the hall, Kasey heard some crashing noises and the sounds of someone rummaging through Dean's room. Curiosity piqued, Kasey softly padded towards the older Winchester's room. Inside, a tall, blonde man was shoving things of Dean's into the box containing his records. Kasey gasped quietly, earning the attention of the intruder.

"Well, well… What have we here?" he drawled, "didn't know the Winchesters kept fresh tail on hand."

Kasey bolted down the winding hallway towards her room. She needed to get her phone and find somewhere safe to hide until Sam and Dean could get there. But just as she rounded the corner, Kasey smashed into a massive wall of a man, who quickly grabbed her.

"Good job, Roscoe," Elton praised as he appeared a second later, "Take her out to the library. We'll figure out something good for her."

"No!" Kasey shouted as she struggled in the behemoth's grasp. It was no use, however; he was three times her size and easily overpowered her. Dragging her down the hall, Roscoe threw her into the library, where a scared, skinny teenage boy waited.

"Watch her," he growled at the kid, then turned on his heels and left.

Kasey glanced over at the teenaged boy. He couldn't be older than maybe 16. Brown, messy hair, thick glasses, and somewhat neatly dressed, this kid looked nothing like the two other men she saw. The two older men had sinister looks in their eyes, and the energy rolling off of them reminded Kasey of a serial killer she once killed in Oklahoma. But this boy… He has all kinds of scared, restless, and mostly untainted. What was someone like him doing with the southern goons who were ransacking the bunker?

"I'm-I'm so sorry," the boy croaked just as Elton entered the library, carrying the box from Dean's room.

"So, this is what I know about Dean Winchester. He's got crappy taste in music, got a hot mom, and he loves flannel," Elton stated as he dumped the box onto the pile of books and grabbed the gas canister, "Alright, let's light her up."

"NO!"

"Elton, wait, the shaky boy spoke up, "We don't have to."

Elton looked at him with a smile on his face. It gave Kasey the chills and looked like a slasher film villain, "I know, Cy. We_ get_ to."

Elton then poured propane on the pile and lit a match. Kasey lunged forward to stop him, but he quickly twisted her arm behind her without looking, effectively subduing her. He was about to set the pile on fire when they heard footsteps approaching the library. Craning her neck, Kasey saw the man named Roscoe stumble in, and collapse against a wall. From where she was, she could see that he had been stabbed in the back.

"Roscoe?"

Roscoe fell to the floor, dead. Kasey held her breath, hoping to see a familiar face. But the face she saw was stone-cold and covered in blood. Dean stepped into the library, emotionless and with a dead look in his eye. The Mark was in full effect now.

"Dean?"

"Well, there he is. I hope you brought marshmallows," Elton taunted.

"Been looking for you," Dean's voice was emotionless and steady.

"Oh yeah? Why is that? Oh, wait. You're not still sore about um, what's her name?"

"Charlie. Her name was Charlie."

Kasey began to struggle in Elton's grip, "You're the one who killed Charlie!?"

Elton jerked his arm, causing Kasey's shoulder to dislocate. Kasey shrieked and fell to her knees on the floor. "Yeah, well… Chuckie, she got what she deserved. Wanna know how I did her? It's a kinda funny story—"

"Shut up," Dean spat.

"Straight to it, then. I respect that. See, you got lucky before. This time, I'm sporting some new upgrades. See my old man—"

"Your old man's dead," Dean interrupted, "They're all dead. So, you can save me the speech on the three hearts, the two spleens, the seven nipples, for the ladies—or the fellas, I don't judge. But even with all that, you still only have one brain."

"So?"

In a flash, Dean drew his gun and shot Elton in the head before he could even realize what happened. Kasey and Cy both shouted at the sound and watched as Elton dropped to the floor, dead. Dean then turned the gun to the boy.

"DEAN!"

"NO! No, no, no! No, don't! Don't!"

"Why not? You're one of them."

"No! No, I'm not! Okay, I hate my family! See, look!" he said with a shaky voice as he pulled up his shirt, "No stitches! I'm not like them, I promise."

"Oh, you are like them," Dean stated coldly, "There's bad in you. It's in your blood. Now, you can deny it, and you can run from it all you want, but that bad... will always win."

"Dean! Please! Don't!"

Cyrus shook his head, voice cracking and on the brink of tears, "I'll do anything you want. Okay, please. You don't need to do this. _Please_!"

Dean drew back his gun, hesitating a moment, but it didn't last long, "Yeah. I do."

Kasey shrieked as Dean also shot the boy in the head, killing him instantly. Kasey stared in horror as blood pooled on the floor. The Dean Winchester she knew _never _would have killed a child, no matter how old. Kasey turned back and stared at Dean, his eyes were empty and emotionless.

"Dean!" a familiar, gravelly voice shouted. Dean turned around just as Cas reached him, the angel's eyes wide in shock, "What have you done?"


	15. Fix You

Cas kneeled over Cyrus Styne's body, looking over him sadly, "You killed him."

"I took down a monster," Dean retorted, "Because that's what I do. And I'll continue to do that until—"

"Until you become the monster," Cas finished as he stood.

Kasey looked between the two of them, clutching her dislocated shoulder. Dean still had a dead look in his eye, like he really felt nothing after what he just did. Glancing over at the dead boy, Kasey couldn't help but pity him—he didn't even stand a chance. He was killed for being a member of the wrong family, for dragged into Dean's warpath. How could Dean do this and act like it was justified?

"You can leave now, Cas."

"No. I can't. Because I'm your friend."

"Really?" Dean asked, stepping forward, "Well, let me ask you something… Do you screw over all your friends?"

"Sam and I were trying to cure you! We still are!"

"Like hell."

"We can read the book now…"

"Oh, so what? So, you _might_ find a spell that _might_ take this crap off my arm?" Dean snapped, "But even if you do, what's it gonna cost? 'Cause magic like that does not come free. No, it comes with a price that you pay in blood. So, thanks, but I'm good."

Dean attempted to leave, but Cas rushed forward and grabbed his shoulder, "No! You're not. Maybe you could fight the mark for years. Maybe centuries, like Cain did. But you cannot fight it forever. And when you finally turn, and you will turn... Sam, and everyone you know, everyone you love... they could be long dead. Everyone except me. I'm the one who will have to watch you murder the world. So, if there's even a small chance that we can save you, I won't let you walk out of this room."

"Oh, you think you have a choice."

"I think the Mark is changing you."

"You're wrong."

"No, he's not, Dean," Kasey chimed in as she stood up shakily, "You _never_ would have murdered that kid before. He was innocent and wanted no part of what they were doing!"

"Wrong. He was a monster. I just stopped him before he got started."

"That's bullshit, and you know it," Kasey bit back, "The Dean Winchester I knew would _never_ have murdered that kid!"

Dean huffed in response, "Yeah well, that Dean's always been kind of a dick. You should know."

Once again, Dean tried to walk away, but Cas was not about to let him go, "Dean. I don't wanna have to hurt you…."

"I don't think that's gonna be a problem."

Dean threw Cas' hand off his shoulder and punched him hard in the face, making him stumble back a couple steps. Kasey's eyes went wide in shock. Dean had completely gone off the reservation.

"Dean."

Dean continued to punch him, over and over again. Throwing Cas to the floor, Dean proceeded to walk away, only for Cas to try and stop him again. Blood was already dripping from the angel's face, and Kasey watched in horror as they continued.

"Dean… Stop…"

Dean was halfway to the doorway when he turned around and renewed his attack. His punches were fierce and deadly, and Kasey worried that the hunter would bludgeon his friend to death. Desperate to stop him, Kasey launched herself onto Dean's back, attempting to pull him off.

"DEAN! STOP!"

Dean easily threw Kasey off him and rounded on her instead. Kasey tried to scramble away, but Dean caught her by the ankle and dragged her back towards him. One-Two-Three… Dean punched at her face and wrapped his hands around her neck, choking the life out of her. Kasey clawed at his hands and kicked and screamed. It was like with Ruby all over again—the eyes that bore into her, intent to kill. Tears streamed down her face as Dean continued to squeeze. She was rapidly descending into darkness when Castiel pulled Dean back, only to face his ire once again.

Dean beat Cas over and over again, drenching his fists in blood. Kasey was in a daze on the floor, struggling from the lack of oxygen and possibly crushed windpipe. Finally, the deranged hunter relented briefly. Cas laid there, half-conscious and coughing up blood, glancing to Kasey who could still barely breathe. Reaching into Cas' trench coat, Dean pulled out the angel blade. Kasey attempted to shout out to him, to stop him, but nothing but a quiet rasp came out. Dean was going to kill Castiel. Grabbing his tie and pulling him forward, Dean readied the angel blade

Cas reached out, weakly, and grabbed Dean's arm, "No, Dean… Please…"

Cas coughed up blood as he spoke. Dean stared down at him, cold and emotionless. Raising the blade, Dean swung, causing Kasey to shut her eyes and turn away. But instead of piercing his friend, Dean stabbed the book next to Castiel's head. Cas stared at the blade, having been so close to his demise.

"You and Sam stay the hell away from me. Next time I won't miss," Dean promised as he walked away, leaving Kasey and Castiel bloodied on the floor of the library.

* * *

When Sam arrived at the bunker a few hours later, he was appalled by the chaos. Cas had called him after tending to his and Kasey's injuries and told him what happened. But when he arrived, the younger Winchester had not been prepared for the amount of blood covering their floor, or the putrid smell of gasoline. Without hesitation, Sam rushed to check on Kasey, who was sitting alone in the kitchen, hands buried in her hair. Sam slowly entered the room, head throbbing from adrenaline. She had no immediately visible injuries, but he knew the psychological ones were still there.

"Kasey?"

Kasey's head shot up, startled by the sudden company, "Sam."

Sam knelt beside her, inspecting her neck for any remaining injuries before cupping her cheek. She flinched away from him at first, understandably, but quickly melted into his touch. Leaning her forehead against his, Kasey and Sam sat for a moment in silence. He couldn't believe that he almost lost her again, at his brother's hands no less. When Cas told him Dean nearly strangled her to death, Sam immediately had flashbacks to when he himself almost did the same. It was a weight he always carried with him, never able to forgive himself for falling so far. If Dean had been in his right mind, Sam knew he _never_ would have done the same.

"I'm not gonna let him hurt you again," Sam whispered, breathing deeply, "I'm gonna stop him. I won't let him hurt you again."

"Sam…"

"Just… Please… stay here, where it'll be safe."

"How can you tell me to stay here, 'where it's safe,' when we literally just had the men who killed Charlie break-in. When Dean just…" Kasey trailed off, squeezing her eyes tight. While waiting for Sam to return, she cried over what happened and was struggling not to cry again. Plus, she now had a horrible migraine.

Sam pulled Kasey forward, so she straddled his lap and held her close to him. Kasey's breath hitched in her throat at the intimate of it, even though Sam hadn't necessarily meant it that way. It was the closest she and Sam had been in years but was so comforting after the events of the day.

"Those men," Sam spoke softly, "Dean killed the entire family. House Frankenstein is gone and can't hurt anyone. And Dean… Dean is gone. He's not gonna come back home, at least not willingly while he still has the mark."

Kasey nodded and remained quiet for a moment, sorting through her thoughts. Everything that happened shocked her out of the month-long episode he'd been having, though she was admittedly still a bit trembly. There was no denying it, that version of Dean scared her. He was completely lost to the mark, and something had to be done ASAP before anyone else got hurt.

"Sam," Kasey spoke finally, opening her eyes to look at Sam again, "Dean's eyes… He-he just completely—"

"I know," Sam cut off, "Cas told me."

"That boy couldn't have been older than 16, Sam…"

Sam opened his eyes and stared into her hazel orbs, "I know. I-I saw…"

"We _have_ to stop him," Kasey stated firmly.

"I know. And I will. But I don't want you going anywhere near this."

"But—"

"No. I'm not gonna risk him hurting you again, or you getting caught in the crossfire because I won't let this go. You've been dealing with your own problems. Problems that I should have been trying to help you with. But this? What Dean's become? I'm not going to force you to deal with that again."

"Sam, you brought me here to help fix Dean. I've been basically useless until now, and that hasn't been fair to anyone. _Let me help_," Kasey pleaded.

Sam cupped her cheek again and combed his fingers through her hair, "I said no. This is too much right now and I…" Sam paused. He didn't want to say anything that would risk her pulling away from him, but he also couldn't get what Crowley said out of his head. "I know you were in Hell."

Kasey's eyes went wide, and she withdrew from him slightly, leaning back towards the table. Sam had his hands on her waist and kept her stable on his thighs. Kasey opened and closed her mouth; panic began to set in again.

"How?"

"Crowley. Rowena sent me to kill him in exchange for her translating the Book of the Damned and getting the mark removed."

"Did-did you?"

Sam let out a heavy sigh, "No… He almost killed me. He's stronger than Rowena thought."

Kasey drew a ragged breath and wrapped her arms tightly around Sam's neck. Closing her eyes, Kasey tried to stop herself from shaking. Sam gently rubbed her back and held her tightly, letting her feel grounded against him.

"I'm not gonna ask you about it. I know that something like that, it's not an easy weight to carry. Especially alone. But I'm here, and I know what happens in Hell. And I know what that does to a person. So please, don't think you have to carry that alone. And please don't think that I don't care," Sam soothed, leaning back on his haunches to get more comfortable, "Just know that, no matter what, I'm here for you, you just need to ask. But please, just stay here and stay safe."

Kasey pressed her face to Sam's cheek and tangled her fingers in the soft hair at the nape of his neck. She almost forgot how comforting it was to be in his arms. For just a moment, everything with the mark and her nightmares seemed so far away.

Kasey pulled back to look in Sam's eyes, "Alright… I promise."

Sam nodded lightly, looking between her eyes and her lips. This was the closest they'd been in years, and the temptation was there. But at the same time, Sam was worried anything he did would be inappropriate. Even holding her the way he was now, Sam was concerned that he was pushing things. Kasey must have been able to read his mind because she lightly nudged his nose with hers, eliciting a tiny smile from both of them.

Kasey could feel the heat spreading through her core at the closeness they were sharing. Him touching her, even as a means of comfort set her skin ablaze. Her mind had been spinning out of control for so long, and her emotions had been strangling her. For once, Kasey wanted a distraction, and to feel a tenderness that only Sam had ever given her. Taking a chance, Kasey gently pressed her lips to Sam's in a tiny, tender kiss. The moment she did, however, the floodgates opened.

Sam reciprocated the kiss, and then hungrily went for more. Sam pressed her body to his and kissed her deeply, passionately, using his tongue to grant access to her mouth. Tiny moans escaped her as their tongues twisted and danced together in an almost forgotten rhythm. Kasey dug her fingers deep into Sam's hair and gently rocked herself against his rapidly growing erection. Neither of them could wait any longer, and soon clothes were being shed.

Sam gracefully flipped Kasey over, so she was under him, not once stopping his ministrations of kisses. Kasey groaned as he moved along her jaw, to that sweet spot on her neck that could get her writhing. Sam sucked at that spot just above the juncture of her neck, and Kasey's hips shot up. Kasey threw her head back, moaning loudly as Sam tightly held her hips and ground against her. Her body was growing red-hot, and suddenly nothing was enough anymore.

"Sam… _please_," she begged pathetically under him.

Sam planted kisses all down her shoulder, collarbone, and chest. Each kiss cooled quickly, and left her body singing for more. Pulling a cup down, Sam latched on to one pebbled nipple while his hand snaked down into the wet heat of her panties. His fingers gently teasing her netherlips sent her hips thrusting into his hand, desperate for friction. Kasey desperately needed relief to the ache and dug her nails into Sam's scalp.

"Sam… Don't tease… _Please_ fuck me!"

Sam release her nipple with a tiny pop, and stared at her with lust blown eyes, "I've waited over four years to touch you again. I'm gonna enjoy every minute of this, darlin."

Sam kissed down along her abdomen until he reached her panties. Leaning back on his haunches, Sam licked his lips as he dragged her panties down her legs. Before Kasey could adjust to the sudden coolness against her pussy, Sam dove down and wrapped his entire mouth around her.

Kasey's hips shot up at the sudden wave of pleasure as Sam feasted on her like a man starved. Licking and sucking, Sam pulled unholy cries from her as he sent her rapidly crashing towards her first orgasm. Kasey tangled her fingers in Sam's hair, pulling roughly as she quickly reached her high. Sam sucked on her clit and dove a long finger into her, thrusting it in and out in time with his mouth. It wasn't long before he added another finger, scissoring them inside her and sending Kasey hurtling over that crest.

Oversensitive from the stimulation, Kasey roughly pushed Sam away, a wolfish grin on his face as he nipped at her inner thighs. Pulling himself forward, Sam kissed her deeply, her taste still on his tongue. Lining himself up, Sam slowly sunk his cock into her soaked channel. It stung at first, having been a long time since Kasey was intimate with anyone, but soon that faded into a delicious heat that had her ramping up again.

Sam thrust into her at a steady, languid pace, arms shaking as he struggled to make it last. Kasey enjoyed every minute, but soon it wasn't enough. Kasey reached down and grabbed the globes of Sam's ass, pulling his hips flush to her and his cock deeper.

Leaning forward, she whispered in his ear, "Don't hold back, Sam… Give it to me… You know what I want."

That was all Sam needed to let go. Pinning Kasey's hand next to her head, Sam adjusted the angle of his hips and began slamming into her. Grunts and swears and Kasey's shouts filled the kitchen as Sam pounded into her over and over again. Sam crashed his lips to hers, swallowing down her screams of pleasure, his cock punching deeper and deeper with every thrust. Reaching down, Sam hiked Kasey's leg up higher over his hip, causing her to begin babbling incoherently at the pleasure.

Clawing, thrusting, grunting… the primal force behind Sam's hips was quickly sending Kasey into her second orgasm. Changing angles once again, Sam draped himself over her and continued to thrust into her relentlessly. It was hot and dizzying and delicious. Years of pent up emotions and unspoken words fueled the fire driving Sam into her, his cock plunging into her wrecked pussy over and over again. The sounds were loud and obscene, and Kasey was pretty sure that Castiel could hear them all the way out in the library. But neither her nor Sam cared; they waited far too long to be tangled up in each other again.

Sam felt her pussy pulsing around him, signaling she was close. Reaching down between them, Sam began rapidly rubbing her clit, giving that extra bit of friction she needed to get over the edge. Immediately, Kasey arched up and clawed at Sam's arm.

"That's it, baby. Let me feel you cum on my cock… C'mon baby… Come for me," Sam coached as his hips began to stutter. He wasn't sure how much longer he could stave off his own orgasm. Five more thrusts, however, and Kasey came gushing around him with a high-pitched wail, ripping Sam's own orgasm from him. She could feel him shooting hot ropes of cum inside her and pulled Sam's ass towards her again. Both of them shook with pleasure as she locked Sam deep inside her with trembling legs.

Sam buried his face in the curvature of her neck, panting heavily as the sweat cooled his skin. Kasey wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pressed close against him. Sam was hot heavy, but Kasey didn't want to let go, using him like a weighted blanket. Rolling off to the side, Sam pulled Kasey close to him, shivering slightly when his back touched the cold, cement floor of the kitchen.

Sam pressed his forehead to hers and took her in. Her cheeks were flushed, eyes closed, and hair a mess. She looked thoroughly fucked, and Sam couldn't help but swell a little with pride, knowing that he had done that to her. Sam kissed her gently, earning a soft sigh in response. Kasey's body was sore but in the best kind of way. Sam let out a hiss when he finally pulled out of her, his cock soft and oversensitive.

Sam brushed Kasey's hair from her face and kissed her cheek, "C'mon, let's get you off the floor."

Sam groaned as he stood, joints cracking from extracurricular activities on a less than optimal surface. Kasey continued to lay on the pile of clothes, limbs like jelly and head feeling heavy. Sam couldn't help but grin at the blissed-out look on her face.

"Need help?"

"Mmmmmmm…" was all the response she could muster.

Laughing lightly, Sam heaved Kasey up, keeping a steady grip on her as she regained her balance. Sam quickly threw on his jeans and Kasey the reclaimed purple shirt, and together they crept down the bunker's halls to Sam's room. Once safely behind the closed door, Sam pulled Kasey towards him again and placed soft, lazy kisses on her lips. Sam gently guided her to the bed, where they both stripped back down and pressed close together once more. Once tucked in under the thin blankets, Kasey snuggled close against Sam, sighing in contentment as he traced lazy circles along her spine.

Being so close to her once more made Sam's heart ache. He missed her desperately, and now never wanted to leave her. But he knew he had to stop Dean, no matter what. Sam gazed lovingly at Kasey as she drifted off to sleep, unaware of the weight on Sam's mind. He couldn't let Dean hurt her again, or himself for that matter. Sam had already tried to sacrifice himself once for Dean and Kasey, and he wasn't so certain that soon he wouldn't have to again.

Pulling Kasey tight against his chest, Sam reveled in the feel of her against his skin. For just one night, Sam could pretend that everything was ok, even if the reality was waiting just outside his door.


	16. With or Without You

Sam finished packing his bag in the library, making sure he had everything he would need, not that it would be much. Castiel was back at the warehouse with Rowena, monitoring as she drafted the spell to rid Dean of the Mark of Cain finally. They were so close, finally, after months and months of researching and scraping by. After all the losses and fights and struggles, the finish line was just ahead. Now, all Sam had to do was buy time for Rowena to finish the spell, and then bring Dean home.

Kasey hovered nearby, hugging herself as she watched Sam set about. She felt guilty for not having been able to really help him with everything that was going on.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"What?" Sam questioned, turning around to look at her.

"It's just… You asked me to come here to help Dean. I haven't done jack but hide, be awkward, and have meltdowns. And now, it's almost over. So, really what was the point of me coming here besides to make things harder on you?" Kasey looked up at Sam sadly.

Sam reached out to her and placed his hands on her arms, pulling her closer to him, "Hey, stop. It's fine, okay? I-I didn't _just_ bring you here to save Dean… I asked you to come because, well, I-I wanted you home. Because I missed you." Kasey looked up at Sam, lips parted slightly as she searched his eyes for any hint of a lie but found nothing. Sam pulled her into a hug and rested his cheek on the top of her head. "I promise everything is okay. And everything is going to _be_ okay. I'm gonna get Dean, Rowena should be completing the spell soon, he'll be back to normal, and then we'll come home."

Kasey was quiet for a moment, letting Sam's words soak in before responding, "Don't make me promises you can't keep, Sam."

Sam pulled away and looked at her, taking in her features. She looked tired again and sad. She seemed to have perked up for a bit, but the moment Sam said he had to leave it went away. Leaning in, Sam pressed his forehead to hers and closed his eyes. He knew, that worst case scenario, he would possibly have to die to save Dean. Cain had taunted Dean with it before, but Sam knew there was truth behind his words—_ "The mark began with me killing Abel, and it will end with you killing Sam."_

Sam kissed Kasey gently before pulling away, "We'll be home soon. Everything will be okay, I promise."

* * *

It was five days before Sam and Dean finally returned home. Sam had called halfway through to say that they found an emergency that they had to take care of. His voice had been shaky, and Kasey could tell that something was wrong, but Sam brushed it off saying everything was okay and that they would be home soon. The spell had worked, and the mark was gone; everything was okay. At least, that's what Sam had told her.

Kasey found herself growing increasingly restless after that phone call. She could always tell when the Winchesters were lying but chose to wait until the boys returned home before pressing for details. Besides, she was still a little shaken up from the incident in the library. Several times a day, she found herself standing in the middle of the library, staring at the heaping pile in the center of the room. Cas and Sam took care of the blood and dead bodies. Before they could clean the rest, however, Rowena had fully translated the spell to remove the Mark of Cain, and everything became a blur.

Finally, on the morning of the fourth day, Kasey had enough and cleaned up the library. A lot of the books had been contaminated by the gasoline but, using a concoction from her family's book of white magic, she was able to restore them. After several hours of shelving books, up-righting tables, and sanitizing, the library was back in shape. Feeling grimy, Kasey hopped in the shower and took some time for quiet contemplation. The steam and hot water made for perfect relaxation, and Kasey could feel herself lull into a comfortable haze. She still wasn't feeling quite like her usual self but was at least mostly functioning. It had been years since her mental health spiraled as badly as it did. Before, when she had been alone and suffering, she indulged in copious amounts of alcohol, weed, and reckless behavior. Over time, she became a bit of an adrenaline junkie, seeking a high that made her feel lighter than air. This eventually snowballed into a borderline suicidal recklessness that had her cliff-diving in less-than-safe areas. There were several times that she was certain she would die from the impact of the jumps, combined with her alcohol-laced system. But, every time she managed to walk away, that feeling of weightlessness still lingering.

Kasey opened her eyes and let the water continue to run over her, cascading off her head and shoulders. It was soothing but didn't quite eliminate that drowning feeling that would creep up in her chest and throat. While it was true, she had started feeling a bit better as of late, the heaviness still weighed her down. It was a sensation that she forced herself to push down ever since the incident with the Stynes. She couldn't keep being a burden on Sam, making him worry and fuss over her. When they had sex right before Sam left, it was honestly the best she felt in years. The endorphins and dopamine had coursed through her. That, combined with the comfort of being held safe and warm in Sam's arms, had really helped pull her out of the darkness. But of course, nothing lasts forever, and Sam had to leave to go hunt down his brother, leaving Kasey alone.

Kasey shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, using one of the scratchy towels to dry off and dress. What was it with this place and bad linens? Stepping out into the hallway, Kasey could hear the faint sounds of people talking out in the War Room. Toweling off her hair, Kasey headed towards the sounds, hopeful that it was Sam and Dean, and not more intruders. Once she was a little closer, she let out a sigh of relief at the familiar voices.

"Alright, I still don't understand," she could hear Sam say, "I mean, I thought the darkness was a woman, not a child."

"Well, same here. I don't know. Maybe whatever I saw wasn't real. Maybe it was a vision," she could hear Dean respond.

"Vision?"

"Yeah."

"Huh. Pretty weird," Sam commented.

"Yeah, weird with a weird cherry on a weird top," Kasey could hear Dean pause and couldn't help but roll her eyes at his next remark, "Damn, man, did we get a maid? Hehe, you know, one with a-a little uniform and really big, uh—"

"No, Dean, you did not get a maid," Kasey retorted as she stepped around the corner into the room. Already she could see a night-and-day difference in Dean's posture and disposition compared to how he was before. He still seemed a little tired, but his eyes seemed brighter than before, and he looked not so worse-for-wear. Dean was back.

"Did you clean this up?" Dean asked, pointing to the library.

"Maybe," Kasey shrugged nonchalantly.

"Kase, you didn't have to. You should have left it until we got back," Sam stated.

"Yeah, well… I got a little restless. Besides, the smell was giving me migraines."

"How are you feelin?" Dean asked seriously, brows furrowed. The question hung thickly in the air between them. He remembered clearly what he had done, how he had almost choked the life out of her. It haunted him ever since he left; her, Cas, Rudy… their bloodied faces kept staring back at him everywhere as a reminder of how far he'd fallen.

Kasey opened and closed her mouth, thinking her words over, "I'm… alright. You?"

"Alright, I guess," Dean shrugged.

"So, you're back to your usual, charming self?"

"Just about. A little stiff, but I'm good."

Kasey nodded, eying him a moment, "So, uh, what happened exactly when Sam found you? After you took off? Sam told me you left the Impala."

"Yeah… Well, I, uh, went to this little cantina and summoned Death. I just-I couldn't go on like that anymore. So, I asked him to remove the mark, which he said he couldn't because it contained 'the Darkness.'"

"That's not ominous…"

"Right? Anyways, Death was gonna send me to some planet far away so I couldn't hurt anyone, and the mark still be contained."

"There's a 'but' here," Kasey commented as she crossed her arms, still holding the towel.

Dean paused for a moment before speaking, "But in exchange, I had to kill Sam…"

Kasey's mouth opened slightly, and she looked back and forth between the two brothers. Why do things always come down to self-sacrifice with the two of them? Kasey could feel her stomach twist, and her chest constrict. She knew that Sam easily would've made that sacrifice for his brother, without question. Which meant that everything Sam had told her, all those sweet words and reassurances, were just that… _words_.

Kasey tongued her cheek, and shifted back-and-forth on her feet, "So why didn't you?" The question came out a lot harsher than she intended, but Kasey didn't exactly care.

"Because he's my brother," Dean answered honestly, "We may fight and have both been to hell and back, but at the end of the day… I just couldn't do it. Besides, I knew you were here, waiting for him."

Kasey swallowed hard, struggling to hold back her tears, "Waiting on empty promises and sweet words, more like."

"It's not like that," Sam reassured.

"Right… So, what? You just said all that stuff to shut me up and get in my pants, Sam? Wanted one last hoorah because marching to the guillotine?" she choked out. Dean's eyes nearly bugged out of his head, and he looked from Sam to Kasey.

"It was _never_ like that," Sam rebuked, anger rising, "I meant what I said. All of it. I promised you I wasn't gonna let Dean hurt you again. And I promised that everything would be okay."

"Right, because you sacrificing yourself again automatically makes everything okay," Kasey scolded angrily, "You ask me to come here to help, and then you decide 'Hey! Kill me!' what was this just a bit of revenge for before? For me leaving? You turn around and do the same shit to me?"

"It's not like that!" Sam half-shouted, his temper getting out of control, but he quickly reigned himself in, "It's not like that…"

Kasey and Sam stared at each other, a silent war of emotions between them. Both of them were hurting: Kasey at the fact that Sam would have just let Dean off him without considering her feelings, and Sam at her implications that he had lied to and used her. Sam could never do that to her, but clearly, Kasey didn't trust or believe him. And perhaps that was what hurt the most, the apparent lack of faith.

Dean stood there awkwardly, feeling very much like a child caught in the middle of two arguing parents. He was also genuinely surprised to hear that Sam had slept with her, which raised a lot of alarms considering her recent mental state. But now was definitely not the time to bring it up.

Suddenly, the three of them could hear groaning coming from behind one of the tables. Stepping forward into the library, they could see Castiel's disheveled form on the floor. With a groan, he looked up at the three hunters. His eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot, with dried blood smeared down his cheeks and his skin clammy. He looked horrible.

"Help me," he begged.

Sam and Dean immediately lunged forward and dragged him up into one of the chairs, Kasey immediately took off down the hall to her room. She immediately began digging through the various bottles and mixtures she kept on hand, hoping that something would be able to help him. Admittedly, however, without fully knowing what was wrong, she could only help but so much.

Back in the library, Dean checked that Kasey was out of earshot before rounding on his brother, "Dude! You fucking _had sex_ with her!?"

"Shut up," Sam snapped, not in the mood.

"With everything that's been going on, and how she's been for the past month and a half, you fucking go for it? Seriously!?"

"It wasn't on purpose!" Sam hissed back, "I was comforting her, and we were talking, and things just-just got carried away. I wasn't trying to make a move on her!"

"Great, Sam. Your ex-girlfriend has a mental breakdown, your brother almost kills her, so you sleep with her. Shit, Sam…"

"I am not discussing this with you right now. It is none of your business!"

"Like hell, it isn't!"

"You had sex with Kasey?" Cas croaked out, causing Sam and Dean to look down at him.

Sam glared at his brother and their friend, "Both of you keep your mouths shut, got it? Back off so I can talk to her _in private_."

Just then, Kasey came rushing back into the library, two mysterious bottles in hand. Sam shot Dean one last warning glare before the topic was dropped, for now. Pushing Sam out of the way, Kasey knelt in front of Cas and began mixing the bottles.

"Here, this should help. I don't know what spell you're under, but this will at least settle the symptoms a bit," Kasey explained as she passed the twitching angel the mixture.

Cas took a tentative sip before sighing and downing the rest, "Thank you."

Kasey gave him a small smile as she took the bottle from him and stepped back, not looking at either Winchester. Sam and Dean stepped in again and gave him a good look-over. They recognized what the spell was almost immediately.

"Attack-dog spell."

"Rowena."

"Alright, let's get him settled and look into a way to fix him," Dean ordered, "Kasey, do you think you can look in your family's book for a counter spell of something?"

"Uh, yeah, of-of course," she stammered nervously. Dean raised a brow at her but didn't say anything about it.

"Alright, Sam. Let's get the cuffs."

* * *

Sam, Dean, and Kasey spent the next few hours researching The Darkness, a solution to Cas' bewitching, and the whereabouts of Rowena. So far, nothing proved fruitful, and Cas had only gotten worse. At one point, he even had a seizure and ended up on the floor, blacked out. When he awoke, he described the experience as being "inside a blender that was set to purée for a tomato salsa." Sam and Dean had suggested that Kasey scry for Rowena. Unfortunately, Kasey said she wouldn't be able to without something of Rowena's to track. Plus, it was a little hard to scry for someone you've never met.

Thankfully, Sam picked up an article out of Denver, Colorado, where a café waiter attacked three restaurant patrons. One was killed, one got away without injury, and the third escaped after seemingly making the furniture slide across the room. Without a doubt, it was Rowena at work. So, Sam and Dean headed out while Kasey stayed behind to watch over Castiel.

Eventually, the boys tracked down Rowena and dragged her to the bunker. While Sam and Dean were questioning her, however, Kasey received a call from an unknown number. Slipping away from the entryway to the dungeon, Kasey answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hello, darlin'. It's been a while," a thick, southern-accented voice answered.

Kasey froze at the familiar voice, eyes wide in fear. "Jethro." She could still see the hunter in her mind's eye as if it were yesterday. The pressed, navy and grey suit, the trimmed and oiled beard, the eyes… She would never forget the day she met him, when he stopped her in the 100-Mile Wilderness in Maine.

"You've been a bad girl, Ms. Conklin," he drawled, "That's three of my men you've killed now. Not to mention, your dear friend, Nate."

Kasey wrapped her arms around herself and pressed against the cold wall of the bunker, wishing she could disappear. "How did you get this number?"

"Come now, after all the time we've spent together… Ya should know by now that there's no escapin' us. We will _always_ find ya." Kasey glance over her shoulder at the door to the archives/dungeon. She could still here the Winchesters and Rowena arguing. "I actually have a little proposition for ya. What do ya say, ya stop runnin'? We'll talk like the civilized individuals we are. Perhaps come to a little agreement. Hmm?"

"You tortured me for _months_. You _killed _me. What makes you think I want to listen to _anything_ you've got to say?" Kasey hissed, tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

"Because, darlin, we know you're with the Winchesters again. We know all about Dean being cured of the Mark of Cain. And we know all about their little clubhouse in Lebanon. It is only a matter of time before we breakdown that door and take care of your beloved Winchesters."

Tears began to stream down Kasey's face. Her worst nightmare was coming true. No matter where she went, they would always find her; she would never be safe. Kasey knew the Winchesters couldn't and wouldn't protect her, just like last time. Despite that, she still cared deeply for both of them and refused to risk their lives. Once again, Kasey's life was being put on the line. And once again, she was going to sacrifice herself for the Winchesters. She knew what awaited her if she ever got in the proximity of Jethro and his group of hunters; it haunted her night and day for the past two and a half years. And now, she was going to walk back into the fire.

"Alright," She whispered, tears streaming steadily down her face, "Where do you want to meet?"


	17. Gonna Cut You Down

Sam and Dean had Kasey stay behind while they dragged Rowena with them to locate and cure Cas. Things were still tense between her and Sam, and honestly, Dean did not feel like adding extra fuel to Rowena's blathering. As soon as Baby was out of sight, Kasey dragged herself back inside and contemplated what was to come.

Jethro and his group of hunters would never rest and never stop. They already knew the location of the bunker and were now threatening Sam and Dean. Kasey couldn't hide anymore; this was it. Over the past two and a half years, Kasey had successfully evaded the hunters for the most part, but several times stumbled upon one of them during her travels.

The first time she did, Kasey had just come back from the dead and immediately gone to see her now deteriorating auntie. The elderly witch no longer flitted about with flowing dresses or tunics. She no longer danced around the kitchen while enchanting various housewares to make Kasey laugh. She no longer used her magic to make her beloved garden flourish and grow. Now, Auntie Agatha Conklin—once a renowned witch among the magic community—was confined to a wheelchair in an assisted living facility. Kasey had been shocked by her beloved auntie's condition when she finally saw her. She had also been shocked to learn that the hunters who killed her were now stalking the sickly elder witch. Kasey immediately recognized the hunter as one of her torturers and felt a surge of fear rip through her. That was the first of the cult-like hunters she killed.

Over time, Kasey had managed to kill 3 others, the last being Nate in the cabin not too far from Des Moines. He had been the most sadistic of the group, taking personal pleasure in making her scream in agony. He taunted her, belittled her, tore her down to nothing. Dean Winchester once confided in Kasey how, when he was in hell, he was cut to pieces every day only to be put back together again. How he had hooks and things pierced through him. Kasey's experience with the witch hunters was not much different.

While Nate may have done all the physical damage, tearing her body to shreds and scorching her, Jethro liked to wage psychological warfare. He pried into the deepest depths of her mind and tried to break her. He struck at every insecurity Kasey had. He casually reminded the witch-turned-hunter that everyone she ever loved would abandon her in the end. That it was her fault that her father and Bobby were dead. He fed the little voices in her head, that nagged at the back of her mind, that Sam never loved her—that at the end of the day, she was easily replaceable and that she was only good for a quick lay. That was how Kasey found out about Amelia.

When they couldn't get the answers they wanted out of Kasey, and when they discovered that Dean was back from Purgatory, they killed her. But even in death, she wouldn't know peace. Kasey's soul was dragged to hell and met with the malicious smile of the one and only King of Hell. Crowley picked up where the hunters left off, this time torturing her for information regarding Sam and Dean. Once again, Kasey kept her mouth shut and refused to turn on the Winchesters. Once again, she died protecting them, and they never knew.

Now, it looked like Kasey would have to make the sacrifice once again. Standing in the doorway to her now former bedroom, she gave it one last look-over before grabbing her bag and walking away. In the center of the bed was a note for Sam and an old photo taken by her auntie when Kasey and Sam were in high school. This was Kasey's "green mile."

Jethro had requested that they meet at an old, abandoned flour mill just outside Salina. It was just over an hour and a half away from the bunker, but Kasey was in no rush to get there. It was undoubtedly a trap; retribution for killing so many of Jethro's men, even though they had attacked her first years before. However, Kasey was tired of running and constantly looking over her shoulder. She was honestly just tired in general and knew that the only way she could ever hope to be free, in life or in death, was to meet with Jethro.

The entire way there, Kasey's mind went berserk. Sam and Dean would, undoubtedly, flip out when they returned and realized that she was gone. Again. She did leave a note this time, and she intended to leave her phone on so that they could track her. She wasn't trying to run away this time. She just hoped that they would give her a proper hunter's funeral once this was over.

When Kasey pulled up to the old flour mill, the sky was dreary and overcast, threatening with an oncoming storm. It definitely suited the somber mood. Outside the main entrance to the mill, stood two men that Kasey didn't recognize from her prior experience with the hunters. Clearly, Jethro had been busy recruiting since the depletion of his club's members. Kasey knew that, before, there were seven hunters total in the group. But now, upon seeing the two newer hunters, Kasey couldn't help but wonder exactly how many men followed Jethro's warped, religion-fueled leadership.

Inside, the old mill was utterly destitute. Flour, dust, and debris covered the cracked concrete floors and the windows were completely coated. Kasey noticed various warding symbols drawn on the walls, most likely an attempt to keep anyone from finding the hunters, or herself. That was precisely why Kasey had left her phone hidden in her jeep—she counted on Sam and Dean to finish whatever she couldn't. Calmly crossing the main room to the only hallway, Kasey was greeted by another stone-face hunter, guarding the door to the room Jethro was waiting. When she entered the medium-sized room, she found Jethro watching out a break in the window. Two old, metal chairs sat in the center of the room, one for each of them. This was it.

"So glad you accepted my invitation, Ms. Conklin," the older hunter greeted as he turned away from the window, "Please, have a seat. Let's begin, shall we?"

* * *

Sam, Dean, and Castiel returned to the bunker and cleaned up. Kasey didn't greet them when they arrived, which everyone just assumed was because she was still upset with Sam. Sam grabbed his older brother a beer for his face before they each sat down at the map table. The mood was mixed, but at least Cas was back to (relatively) normal.

Dean took the beer away from his face and set it in front of him, opening it to take a drink. "Hey. You should keep applying that," Sam said.

"Thanks, mom," Dean snarked, "You just keep the beers comin'."

"Dean, I... There aren't words," Cas spoke up somberly.

"You're right. There aren't words, Cas, 'cause there's no need. You were under a spell. It's fine."

"Yeah, but you had Rowena. Because of me, you—"

"You know, Cas, we've got the codex. That's a start," Sam reassured, "You know, it'll slow Rowena down some. If we'd killed her, the Book of the Damned would've been lost."

"Besides, we got bigger fish to fry," Dean added.

"The Darkness. What does she want?"

Dean took a swig from his beer, "Well, the big question is, where the hell is she?"

"Dean, I can fix that," Cas said, gesturing towards the older Winchester's injuries. Back at the storehouse, Cas had done quite a number to him. Now, Dean sat with a black eye, split lip, and bloodied face.

"No, no, no. No, no. It's fine, Cas. Besides, I had it comin'."

Sam let out a sigh before standing up, "I'm gonna go let Kasey know we're back."

"You sure that's a good idea?"

"No."

As soon as Sam disappeared down the hallway, Cas turned back to Dean, "I take it things are still tumultuous with Kasey…"

"Eeyup," Dean took another sip.

"Have you talked to her about what happened?"

Dean licked his lips and paused for a moment. He remembered very clearly what happened in the library, remembered trying to choke the life out of her. He couldn't think when it happened. All he could hear was the mark calling to him, stirring in him a sort of insatiable bloodlust. If it weren't for Cas' pleas drawing him back to himself, Dean easily would have killed both him and Kasey.

"No. Not really," Dean finally admitted, "I think right now, she and Sam have more pressing issues."

"Yes. Their moment of passion after extreme distress," Cas confirmed.

"That's one way of putting it."

"Do you think they'll ever be able to actually come together again?"

Dean let out a sigh and began twisting the beer bottle on the table, "Honestly, I don't know, Cas. They both got issues, and Kasey's not letting anyone in to help her. As much as I like the two of them together…"

"The relationship may be over."

Silence fell over the two of them briefly before Sam came barreling into the room, panicked and holding two papers.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Kasey. She's gone. Again," Sam breathed out, brows furrowed.

"What? Why!?"

"She left a note. _'I'm sorry for everything. The past caught up to me. Here's to the boy who fell off the sidewalk.'_" Sam read and then handed his brother the picture that Kasey left with the note. It seemed like a lifetime ago when Sam and Kasey smiled together so fully. Dean felt his heart break a little for his brother.

"'The boy who fell off the sidewalk'?" Cas asked in confusion.

"The first time I kissed her, back in high school, I-I lost my footing on the edge of the sidewalk and stumbled over into the street. She couldn't stop laughing. It's been a-a bit of an inside joke ever since," Sam explained sadly.

"Oh…"

"No offense but I'm a little more concerned about that middle part. 'The past caught up to me'… What the hell does that mean?" Dean asked his brother.

"I don't know. Let's hope her phone is still on," Sam then rushed over to his laptop and began typing away. Hopefully, he'd be able to track her cell, although the last time she left, she turned off that feature, along with the phone.

"You think she's in trouble?"

"I think whatever she's not been telling us about the past four years is paying a nasty visit."

Sam glanced up briefly at his brother and Cas. He hadn't told either of them what Crowley had told him yet. Things had been so hectic with tracking down Dean and trying to get the Mark of Cain removed that he just didn't have the time. Plus, after Dean's reaction to Charlie's death, Sam didn't want his brother going on a suicide mission to kill the King of Hell.

After a moment of typing, the laptop dinged Kasey's location, "Alright. I got her. Just outside Salina."

* * *

To say that the discussion between Kasey and Jethro hadn't gone according to plan was a gross understatement. As soon as they sat down, Jethro began patronizing her, mocking the current relationship between Kasey and the Winchesters. He knew about the Mark of Cain and the incident with the Styne's. How Jethro knew, however, Kasey was unsure, but she also didn't entirely care. After a few rounds of verbal tit-for-tat between the two of them, the older hunter turned religious zealot finally made his demands clear.

He wanted total and complete submission.

Jethro was the kind of man who valued reputation and got off on having control. He had complete and total control over every man in his group of hunters. For someone like Jethro, control wasn't necessarily hard to obtain. He was well-spoken, charismatic, and level-headed. But apparently, something about Kasey's existence seemed to insult and enrage every fiber of his being. Every time they spoke, Jethro made it a point to remind Kasey that she defied the natural order. That she was an abomination unto God's green Earth and deserved to be dealt with accordingly.

"You are to give yourself over to me. All your spell books and potions and unholy relics are to be turned over, along with any records regarding our order found among the Men of Letters' archives. You will submit to me," he demanded, "In exchange, we will leave the Winchesters alone. We will not pursue them, and we will not attack their bunker."

"Well, I must say, what we have here is a failure to communicate," Kasey stated calmly, "I am not property. And I will never submit to you. You are a religious freak and a pitiful excuse for a hunter. You are a mockery among the community."

"Watch your tongue when you speak to me, girl," He seethed, "I am your superior, and you will address me as such. Either you submit to me, or I will destroy everything you hold dear."

Kasey leaned forward, a fire in her eyes, hiding the fear and uncertainty within, "Please. Your group of fanatics was disavowed almost a century ago by the Men of letters for your morally inept practices. I did my research during those sleepless nights I spent thinking of our wonderful time together. Don't worry. I had the files on your pathetic order scanned and scheduled to be emailed to Sam. Along with everything you did to me. He should be reading everything as we speak."

"You dare threaten me?! To threaten MY order!?"

"Yes. I dare. Because I know Sam at the very least will kill you, even if I can't," Kasey promised, "And you may claim to be superior to me, but I have to wonder… What kind of hunter can't even kill a witch correctly?"

Those were the magic words because as soon as they left her mouth, Jethro punched her in the face. Before she could respond to his attack, the irate hunter took his chair and smashed Kasey in the head. Immediately he snatched her off the ground and threw her into the worn, brick wall. Jethro typically wasn't one to get physical during his group's hunts; usually, that was Nate's job. However, Kasey pushed him to the breaking point and now faced a dangerous force.

Kasey slumped to the floor, spitting up blood. Jethro looked strong despite his age, but Kasey didn't realize exactly _how_ strong he was. Kasey rolled onto her side and struggled to pull her knife out while Jethro stomped towards her.

"You think you're better than me!? YOU!? A whore of Satan!?" he boomed angrily, "I have devoted my entire life to eliminating monsters like you. Demons, hellhounds, witches… You're all abominations sent from the pits of hell to plague and corrupt humanity. You may have come back from the dead once already, but this time I will _personally _make sure it is a permanent trip."

Jethro stooped down and yanked Kasey up by the front of her shirt. Kasey attempted to swing her arm up and stab him, but Jethro quickly caught it. Squeezing tightly, Jethro snapped her wrist back with a loud crack. Kasey screamed in pain and dropped her knife.

"You'll have to do better than that, darlin'. You thought Nate was bad… But who do you think trained him?"

Jethro threw Kasey to the ground and began to kick her across the room. Every few kicks were met with the sound of ribs cracking and breaking, leaving Kasey no opportunity to try and fight back.

"You cannot subdue us. We are a sacred order of hunters, serving the true will of God above," Jethro preached.

"Haven't you heard? God's not home," Kasey choked out, blood dripping down her chin.

Jethro gave her another kick, "So are the words of a fallen angel. The same angel who destroyed Heaven." Jethro jerked her up once more and wrapped a massive hand around her throat. Kasey immediately began to see black blurring the edges of her vision as the older hunter dangled her by her throat. "You have mocked me for far too long little girl. There are no such things as white witches. You are all sent from hell, and it is to hell that I will send you again. And this time, I will make sure Crowley _keeps_ you there."

The sound of a gun clicking came from behind Jethro. "I don't think so."

Kasey struggled to see past Jethro at the owner of the deep, familiar voice. Dean had his gun pointed at the back of Jethro's head, a dark scowl on his face. Beyond him, Sam walked into the room, dragging the man Kasey saw stationed outside the room. She could barely make them out, but the looks on their faces were unmistakable. It was the look that Sam gave Brady when he killed him years ago, getting vengeance for Jessica's death. It was also the same look Dean had when he killed Elton Styne and got revenge for Charlie.

"Let her go."

"Ah. Dean Winchester. Back from the dead and with some new merchandise. Tell me, how is the mark?" Jethro taunted, still holding Kasey to the wall.

"The mark is gone. Now let her go before I break his neck," Sam boomed angrily across the room, hands in place, so all he had to do was twist.

Reluctantly, Jethro released Kasey, who crumpled to the floor. Dean gave his brother a tight nod, and Sam snapped the man's neck. Almost instantly, Sam was next to his brother. Grabbing the back of Jethro's head, Sam slammed him face-first into the brick wall with unrivaled force. Then, with the gentlest of touches, he scooped a very bloody and very broken Kasey into his arms.

"Have to say, the rumors are true," Jethro cooed as he wiped his now broken nose, "Ruthless, determined, and unstoppable. You two really are the best in the business. Such a shame you've both fallen so low. Really hoped Sam's reputation as a monster-lover was just speculation."

"Stop talking," Dean snapped, "Based on what we've read and seen, you're the real monster here."

"You're done here," Sam stated coldly with finality before giving another nod to his brother. Turning on his heels, Sam walked away from the two hunters, holding Kasey close in his arms and tucking her head under his chin.

"You'll never escape us, witch. We will _always_ hunt you down!" Jethro called out.

"Yeah. I don't think so."

With a loud, echoing boom, Jethro fell to the ground dead, blood pouring from the bullet hole in his head. Finally, after years of torture and years of running, the man who stalked Kasey's nightmares was dead. Along the hallways, two more men lay dead, and outside, the two guards had their eyes burned out. The Winchesters and Castiel had cleared out the entire place, leaving no one behind. Kasey winced at the sudden brightness, having grown accustomed to the darkness of the mill, and buried her face into Sam's neck and chest.

"You're safe now," Sam whispered to her in a soothing voice, "It's over."

The Impala was parked neck to Kasey's jeep, with Castiel waiting for them. The building's warding had unfortunately prevented him from going inside. Dean followed behind Sam and Kasey; his head bowed in thought as his boots crunched on the gravel. Stopping once he reached the car, Dean nodded to Cas in greeting.

"Well?"

"It's over," Dean confirmed, "Let's go home."


	18. Hey Brother

The drive back to the bunker was mostly quiet. Dean had the radio turned down low, Sam watched out the window, and Kasey sat slumped in the center of the backseat. Before they left the old flour mill, Cas had healed Kasey's injuries. However, Dean insisted on Cas driving her car back instead of her, most likely wanting to discuss everything in private first.

It was about an hour into the drive before Dean finally spoke up, "So… Wanna explain everything?"

Kasey breathed in deeply. Finally, everything was coming clean, "How much of the email did you guys read?"

"I read the description of who Jethro's group was—The Maleficarum et Daemon Initiative," Sam answered, "I didn't—_we_ didn't get to the part about-about what they did to you."

Kasey nodded quietly, trying to figure where she should start, "So, um, I guess I should start with me leaving, huh?"

Dean met her gaze in the rearview, "Might be a good place."

"So, when I first left, I just-just needed to get away. I wasn't… I wasn't doing okay, and I just wanted to disappear, so I did," Kasey began, "Everything you said that day, Dean—when Bobby died—it was what I was already thinking. Everything you said to me… I had already been thinking about myself for years."

"Yeah well, that doesn't mean I was right," Dean said quietly, "I shouldn't have taken it out on you. You didn't deserve it, and it wasn't your fault."

Kasey sat quietly for a minute, unable to respond. First, Bobby told her so, and now Dean. An apology from Dean was something Kasey _never_ thought would happen.

Clearing her throat, Kasey continued, "I-I then went to my auntie's for a while. Hid out there for about two months."

"When I called, she said that she hadn't seen or heard from you," Sam said, turning his head slightly towards her, "You had her lie to me? Lie about where you were?"

"No. She did that all on her own."

"And you let her."

"I wasn't exactly in a place where I could really talk to _anyone_, Sam. I was reeling and breaking down. Things-things weren't good."

"Kasey," Dean spoke up, "I'm gonna ask you something and I need you to answer honestly… Did-did you try to…" He couldn't say it. He couldn't bring himself to say what he and Sam often questioned. Sam held his breath as he awaited Kasey's response, his leg beginning to bounce nervously. 

"No. I didn't kill myself… I was depressed and miserable, and empty. I wanted to just not exist anymore, to disappear, but I didn't-I didn't want to die per se…" Sam and Dean both let out small sighs of relief. "But I didn't exactly act sane either…" 

"What do you mean?"

Kasey bit her lip nervously, "I, uh, I may have picked up some bad habits…"

"Like?" Sam pressed

"Heavy alcoholism, mild drug use, and adrenaline chasing."

Sam and Dean's eyes went wide and they glanced at each other, having a silent conversation.

"When you say drug use…"

"Mostly different strains of weed. Some were my own special blend, but when mixed with alcohol had some insane effects. It just-just made me feel good for the first time in years… And the amount of alcohol I was devouring… It was about four or five bottles of Jack or Jim a day."

"Kasey—"

"I know, okay?" Kasey bowed her head in shame, unable to look either of them in the eye.

"Sweetheart, you really went off the reservation. Why didn't you come back?"

"Didn't think I could. I'm not a Winchester, and I'm not part of your hunting dynamic. Most of the time, even though we were all right next to each other, I just felt so outcast and alone. I just constantly felt like I didn't belong, and that I wasn't wanted."

Kasey chanced a glance at Sam, whose eyes were slightly downcast. She didn't want to say it, but the message came in loud and clear.

"You felt more alone when we were together than you ever did by yourself," Sam concluded, his voice barely above a whisper. Kasey could hear the pain behind his words, and it just made her heart break more.

"I'm sorry…"

Silence fell over the car as her words sank heavily into Sam. He loved her, more than anything, and yet the entire time they were together she was lonely and miserable. What kind of man does that to the woman he loves? The woman he supposedly hoped to one day have a future with? It hurt… _a lot_.

"How did you get mixed with those batshit bastards?" Dean asked, trying to give his little brother a bit of reprieve from the conversation, "I know they target witches, but you're a _white witch_ so how the hell did you get on their radar?"

"Apparently, they've always kept tabs on me, ever since high school. But I really got their attention when I did a spell to open the portal to Purgatory."

"WHOA! You did WHAT!?" Sam and Dean both whipped around to look at her.

Kasey looked between the two of them, "I spent several weeks converting the ritual for opening the portal to white magic and performed the spell."

"Why the _fuck_ would you do that?!"

"Because some idiot got himself and an angel blasted to Purgatory by killing big boss Leviathan. So, _someone_ had to go save your asses."

"You… What?" Dean was dumbfounded, "You opened a portal to Purgatory to save me?"

Kasey shrugged lightly, "I didn't think about it really. Just knew I had to do _something_."

"Wait a minute," Sam interrupted, "Benny said that the portal to Purgatory opens automatically to let any humans trapped out."

"It does. For the first 24 hours," Kasey confirmed, "After that, the portal closes. God wanted there to be a fail-safe way of humans being able to escape but didn't want to risk they dragging too many others out with them, or any other humans accidentally falling in. So, he basically put it on a timer." 

"So, when I went to hell and got Bobby's soul out through Purgatory—"

"It reset when you re-emerged in Purgatory," Kasey confirmed.

"So, the whole reason I was even able to get out was because you opened the door?"

"Yeah," Kasey nodded," I tweaked the spell so that the portal would stay open until you came out."

"Then, why weren't you there when I came out?"

Kasey went silent for a moment. This was the part she was most nervous about sharing with the boys. If either of them knew what The Maleficarum et Daemon Initiative had done to her, Kasey wasn't sure they would forgive themselves. Finally, however, Kasey accepted the fact that she was going to have to tell them.

"I was delayed… The Initiative was already there, waiting for me at the portal."

"And then?" Sam and Dean waited expectantly, unsure about her answer.

"They kidnapped and tortured me," Kasey said quietly.

Sam and Dean paled at her confirmation. They had their suspicions and based on the description of the Initiative that Kasey pulled from the Men of Letters' archives, it would have been expected. But deep down, even though they knew the reality, the Winchesters hoped beyond hope that they were wrong.

"What did they do to you?" Dean asked quietly

"Dean, you don't wanna—"

"What did they do to you!?" Dean repeatedly angrily.

Kasey licked her lips and closed her eyes, "They, uh, they cut and branded me. I'm-I'm pretty sure I also got waterboarded a few times. It went on for about two or three months. They kept asking me why I was there, what I did, who I was working for. No matter what I told them, they weren't satisfied." Kasey could remember everything, clear as day. In her mind's eye, she could still see Nate's wicked sneer as he melted her flesh with the branding iron. She could still see Jethro ice, cold eyes bearing into her as he played manipulative games with her mind. Kasey could see, smell, and hear it all.

"The burn marks and cuts that Cas saw on your back, in the hospital," Sam said quietly.

"Yes…"

"You didn't get away…. Did you?"

"No…"

"How?" Dean pressed. His grip on the steering wheel was so tight that his knuckles turned white. His shoulders were tight, and his jaw was ticking the way it did when he struggled to control his temper. Dean refused to pull his eyes from the road, instead remaining stone-faced as he drove Baby down the interstate. 

Kasey swallowed hard before answering, tears pricking the corners of her eyes, "Burn the witch."

Suddenly Dean jerked the wheel hard, swerving the Impala into the grassy shoulder. Shoving the door open, he got out of the car and closed the door with a slam. Kasey watched silently as the older Winchester stormed away. Cas pulled up behind them in Kasey's jeep and immediately got out, confused by Dean's behavior. Kasey could barely hear what the two of them were saying and turned her attention back towards the front. In the front seat, Sam looked wracked with grief, his eyes red and glassy. Rubbing his hands over his face, Sam breathed in sharply and deeply, trying to reign in his emotions. Instead, he leaned forward and buried his hand in his hair with his elbows resting on his knees.

"I-I never… Amelia… Should have looked for you and Dean," Sam rasped quietly in the front seat, sniffing as he spoke.

"Sam," Kasey leaned against the back of the front seat and reached out to him. But Sam just shook his head.

Kasey leaned back into her seat and looked out the back window. Dean was shouting and beating on a nearby tree with a fallen branch. Castiel was standing next to him, looking mournful and watching his friend. Sam then breathed deeply, wiped his face, and got out of the car as well, making his way for Dean and Cas. Kasey watched from the safety of the Impala as Dean dropped the branch and began shouting at Sam. Apparently, he just told Dean about Crowley having tortured her, and now they were fighting. Kasey began sobbing and brought her knees up to her chest. This was why she never wanted to tell them what happened.

About 30-45 minutes later, everyone seemed to regain their composure for the most part. Sam and Dean got back in the Impala, and Cas back in the Jeep. But nothing more was said on the remaining drive back to the bunker. Sam and Dean remained facing forward, not even looking at each other. Kasey sat slumped in the backseat, hiding behind her hair and shedding silent tears.

Once they arrived home, Kasey bolted from the Impala before it had even come to a complete stop. Sam called out to her meekly, but she either ignored him or couldn't hear him. Finally, made it to her room, Kasey hid away inside and locked the door tight. Sam silently got out of the car and also made his down the bunker's halls to his own room. Dean, however, remained sitting behind the steering wheel, jaw still ticking in anger. She was killed trying to help him, trying to _save_ him. She was tortured for months, burned alive, and then dragged to Hell and tortured by Crowley. The same Crowley he was prowling around with for six weeks when he was a Knight of Hell. Dean was mentally berating himself.

Eventually, a knock came at the window of the car. Castiel stood there waiting stoically. Begrudgingly, Dean swung open the door and got out, his joints protesting at having sat in the car so long.

"What, Cas?"

"You should probably talk to her."

"And say what? Huh? Thanks for saving me and getting killed because I stood too close to exploding Dick? All this after I screamed at her for Bobby's death and sent her into a depressive spiral?"

"One of you needs to talk to her after today. She needs some reassurance after confessing something like that," Cas continued.

"Let's be honest, what she needs is Sam. Not his asshole older brother who sent her away in the first place," Dean snapped as he made his way out of the garage.

"Yes, but Sam is not exactly in a position to do anything at the moment. He's still struggling with her lack of faith in him and the issues in their prior relationship, issues he never knew about. But the problems between you and her are current," Cas grabbed Dean's shoulder and spun him to look at him, earning a huff from Dean as he did, "After what happened in the library, you owe it to her. She may be in love with your brother, but you were like family to her once upon a time. Her aunt is dying and soon she will have no one left. _Please_ fix this, if for no one else's sake but hers."

Dean stood staring at the angel a minute, letting his words sink in. Finally, Dean let out a heavy sigh and nodded, "Alright, I'll talk to her. Alone. Just, go check on Sam, alright?"

"Alright," Cas nodded and headed back down the hall to Sam's room.

Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair before continuing on. Stopping at the door to Kasey's room, Dean hesitated. He didn't quite know what to say to her and had never been particularly good at anything involving emotions. However, he did remember how, years ago, he would be able to just vent to her about Sam and hunting and Lisa. Maybe it was time to try that again?

Dean knocked on the wooden door, "Kasey?"

No response.

He knocked again, "Kasey, c'mon. It's just me. I-I just wanna talk a minute."

Dean listened closely and could hear some shuffling coming from the room within. After a moment, a red-eyed and very tired looking Kasey opened the door.

"Hey, Kase."

"Hey, Dean."

"Mind if I, uh, if I come in?"

Kasey stepped back to let him in, closing the door once he was inside. Her room was scarcely decorated, save for maybe one or two pictures of the boys and her. If it weren't for those and the disheveled bedspread, one would think no one lived there.

"You wanted to talk?" Kasey asked softly, wrapping her arms around herself.

Yeah," Dean turned around to look at her properly, "Look, about earlier… I'm not mad at you. I'm just… Ever since you left, I blamed myself for scaring you away. I blamed myself for Sammy having his heart broken over you. Then, with the mark, I just-I wasn't me anymore, and that scared me. I was hurtin' people who had never done anything wrong to me."

"What you said when Bobby died—"

"Was wrong. I was angry. I was hurtin'. I lost it. You were right there and honestly, it was just really easy to blame you. And I'm sorry. All the stuff that's happened to you since then… that's all on me. I did that to you. I hurt you, and Sam, and because of it you got tortured and killed," Dean stated with sincerity, watching her carefully, "You've dealt with enough shit, you didn't need that from me too."

"Dean, you were right though, when Bobby died… What kind of white witch can't even save the people most important to her? Hell, look at all the people who have died! My dad, Ellen and Jo, Rufus, Bobby… hell, both you and Sam! My auntie is dying, and I can't save her and it's once again my fault. Everything you said was true I just…"

Tears began streaming down Kasey's face as she choked. Years of pain and insecurities were coming out, and it hurt. Dean grabbed Kasey and pulled her in for a tight hug, which she immediately reciprocated.

"We can't save everyone, honey. Your dad made a deal so you would live, because he loved you. I know it hurts, and I know it's something you'll probably never get over. Hell, I never got over mine," Dean soothed as he rocked with her slightly, "But everyone else… We're hunters. We know what the risks are with the jobs we do. It was not on you to save them, no matter what you tell yourself. You're still one hell of a witch. Without you, Sammy and I were spinning our wheels, lost as hell. We both need you, 'cause you're family. And no matter what happens, no matter what your brain tells you, we're here for you. You just gotta ask, sweetheart."

Kasey closed her eyes and breathed deeply, her chin resting on Dean's shoulder. In all the time she had known the Winchesters, she had not once asked for help. She never vented to them, never burdened them with her problems. To Kasey, the men that saved the world deserved at least one shoulder to lean on. So, who was she to ask the same in return when she constantly slowed them down on hunts? Dean's words, however, helped ease the ache of years of self-doubt and depression. It would never fully go away, but at least it finally lessened slightly.

After a few moments of comfortable silence between them, Dean spoke up again, "Ya know you gotta talk to him, sweetheart…"

Kasey opened her eyes and sighed through her nose, "Yeah…"

After seeing both the Winchester's reactions on the way home, combined with the fight between her and Sam in the War Room, Kasey had been admittedly avoiding him. She was so conflicted. On one hand, she had felt like Sam used her the same way she felt like he had always used her. Their so-called "relationship" before never felt like one and instead just felt like she was a welcome distraction. But at the same time, Sam's reaction to her explanation of her experience with the Initiative made her question that. Sam was the more emotional and empathetic of the two brothers, but he didn't just shed tears for anyone.

Dean pulled out of the hug and held Kasey at arm's length, "I'm not gonna get in the middle of whatever is going on between the two of you. That's not my bag and relationships… well, ya know," he shrugged, "Just, please, talk to him. Hear him out. Sam missed you. We _all_ missed you."

Kasey nodded and Dean gave her a half-smile. Giving her a peck on the forehead, Dean turned and left the room, leaving Kasey to think over her next move. Why would Sam even want her? She was damaged goods and just brought in more drama. But he was still the one person she wanted most when her world was spinning; she just didn't know how to ask.


	19. Holding Onto You

Kasey softly padded down the hall to Sam's room. Dean was right, they did need to finally settle everything between them. But when Kasey went to knock, she froze. Her hand hovered over the door, poised at the ready, but she just couldn't will herself to move. Her nerves were getting the better of her. Fight-or-flight was kicking in and everything in Kasey told her to flee back to the safety of her room. Kasey remained frozen when suddenly the door swung open, and Sam almost barreled into her. Kasey stood, wide-eyed and gaping at Sam like a frightened deer. 

"Hey."

"Hey," she squeaked back. Sam quirked an eyebrow at her, causing Kasey to flush with embarrassment.

His eyes were still a little red, though not as bad as in the car. He also looked very tired, like everything from the day just completely drained him. Maybe this wasn't the best idea…

"Before Kasey could turn tail, Sam spoke up, "I was just coming to talk to you, actually."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, um," Sam looked up and down the hall before stepping back to let Kasey in.

Kasey looked around as she stood nervously in the center of the room. Sam had stacks of books and files throughout the room, but otherwise, there were no personal touches anywhere. Apparently, Kasey wasn't the only one struggling to move in. 

"I, um, how are you doing?" Sam asked awkwardly, wiping his palms on the thighs of his jeans.

"I'm… yeah," Kasey breathed heavily. She _really_ did not know what to say.

"Look, I-I just…" Sam threw his hands up in frustration and let out a heavy sigh, "I thought I knew what I was going to say to you, but I guess not."

"That makes two of us."

Sam sighed again before taking a seat at the edge of his bed, rubbing his hands up and down his face. He stared off for a moment, thinking his words over carefully before speaking again.

"I-I read the rest of the files you sent me…"

"O-oh… I—"

"Please tell me they didn't… Everything you said, did they really do all that to you?" Sam asked quietly, looking down at the floor.

Kasey wrapped her arms around herself tighter, "Yes."

Sam rubbed his face again, his shoulders slumping forward. It always amazed Kasey how small Sam could make himself when he was upset or hurting. When Sam looked up, his eyes were glassy, and the redness around them was darker. Sam began shaking his head, his long hair falling in front of his face. 

"I should have looked for you… I should have looked for you both," he croaked out, "If I had, then maybe… I should have stopped them from hurting you."

"You can't change the past, Sam," Kasey said quietly.

Sam let out a huff in response, "You think I don't know that? Think I don't know about all the things I could have prevented but didn't? Things that I can _never_ change?" Silence fell between them again, briefly. Quietly, Sam reached out for Kasey, who cautiously took his hand. Sam rubbed the back of her hand with his own, reveling in the feel of her skin beneath his fingers. "There were so many times I dreamed of you coming home, of touching you again, seeing you. And every time I woke up disappointed."

Sam pressed his forehead to her hand, sliding his hands to her wrist and forearm. Kasey reached out and brushed back a few strands of his hair that had fallen forward. It was still remarkably soft to the touch, and Kasey found herself struggling with self-control. 

"I still have nightmares… about what they did to me," Kasey admitted as she continued to run her fingers through Sam's hair, "That's how I found out about her. They kept saying you would never save me because you chose her over me because you made a life with her. They kept telling me that you never cared, that I was nothing…" 

Sam turned her palm over and pressed his lips to it firmly, "They were wrong. If I had known, I would have left everything for you." 

"It's weird… Before I left, I felt like I _was_ nothing. I questioned our entire relationship, despite Bobby constantly trying to reassure me. And then, when _they_ kidnapped me, all the things they said to me… I cried and _prayed_ that they were wrong. That you would magically show up and kill them all. That you would save me when I needed you most."

"Kasey—"

"And then they killed me, and Crowley dragged me to Hell to torture me, and try and get information about you from me. And I still resisted, to protect you and Dean," Kasey continued, "And then auntie brought me back and just… Everything changed. I ran, and hid… For almost two years. That werewolf hunt was I think the first real hunt I'd been on since I came back. And I failed miserably."

"No, you didn't," Sam reassured, pulling her closer, "You killed _both_ of the werewolves."

"But I didn't recognize the signs that there were two, or that one was an alpha. I was sloppy and reckless, and it almost got me killed. And-and I was okay with that," Kasey admitted, "If it weren't for buoyancy, I would've let myself drown in the pond, I would have let myself freeze to death."

"But you didn't," Sam stated with a hopeful tone, looking up at Kasey's face.

Kasey finally met his gaze and stared into the hazel orbs, "I didn't call you so you would save me. Hell, I didn't even expect you to answer. I called to say goodbye, and that I was sorry for leaving. But you came for me…"

"Kasey, I have been waiting for you for over four years. I have been having everyone I know search for you, I reached out to _every_ contact we had, and I tried to hunt you down for _so long_. But then, when Crowley showed us your necklace with blood on it and told us you were dead… I just… It hurt just as much as when I lost Jess, if not more." Kasey gasped silently at Sam's confession. Sam slid even further off the edge of the bed, pulling Kasey so that she was almost in his lap, "I had every intention of letting Death take me so I could be with you. And I would have gone gladly."

"Sam, no."

"Why not? Cause-cause you're a witch? Cause you're not worth me sacrificing my life for after everything you've done for me and Dean? I was going to let Dean kill me to get rid of the mark, to send him away so he couldn't hurt you again. If you asked, I would give you _everything_ I could."

"But I _don't want_ everything, Sam! I just wanted you to love me as much as I loved you! I just wanted, for once, for you to see me!" Kasey cried out, clutching Sam's shoulders as tears began to fall, "I wanted to feel like I was more than just a good time for you, that I mattered! I just wanted you to _pick me_ for once!"

Sam grabbed Kasey's face and pulled her in, his breath fanning across her face as he held her inches apart, "Don't you dare think, for a minute, that I don't love you. That you don't matter to me. When I read what they did to you, when I _saw_ what _he_ did to you… I would have torn the world apart. You have _always_ meant so much to me. But after Ruby and-and demon blood and just _all_ the different times I let you and dean down… How could I deserve you?" Sam's voice was shaking as he spoke, heavy with emotion, "You have been there for us and picked up the pieces after us _so many_ times. You deserve so much more than I can _ever_ give you, Kasey."

Kasey pulled Sam's hair and crashed her lips to his. Sam pulled her up, into his lap, and twisted, rolling them both onto the bed. Not once did he break the kiss, their tongues twisting as he reciprocated. Kasey twisted her fingers in his hair, trying to pull him impossibly closer as they both moaned into each other's mouths. Eventually, it got to be too much and they both pulled away for air, Kasey gasping loudly as she tried to catch her breath. Sam brushed the hair out of her face as he stared breathlessly at her. 

"I love you, Sam," Kasey's voice was barely above a whisper.

"I love you too, Kasey. Please, don't ever think that you mean nothing to me."

Kasey nodded as Sam pressed his forehead to hers, both of them closing their eyes as they took control of their breathing. The weight of Sam on top of her was wonderful and comforting. Kasey wanted to stay like that forever.

"I don't do magic anymore," Kasey confessed quietly.

"I noticed," Sam admitted as he opened his eyes to look at her, "Why? I thought you were proud to be a white witch?"

"Like I told Dean, 'What kind of white witch can't even save the people most important to her?'"

Sam pulled back and cupped her cheek, "Kasey, is that what you think? Because Dean was wrong—"

"It wasn't just about what Dean said," she interrupted, "My dad, Uncle Shep, Ellen and Jo, Bobby… I couldn't save any of them. And then, when I finally _do_ get the nerve to use magic again, to save Dean…" Kasey bit her lip and shook her head, the memories still fresh, "I remember it all, Sam. Every night. That's why I don't sleep anymore. Every time I close my eyes, they're there haunting me, torturing me, saying those horrible things to me, hurting me... I can't. I just can't."

Sam rotated so he could wrap his arms around her and pulled Kasey in close. She sobbed into his neck, finally letting it all out. For the first time in years, she let Sam in enough to glimpse the pain. Sam let her cry as he held her, rubbing one hand up and down her back in a soothing motion.

"They can't hurt you anymore. They're dead. We took care of them, and they'll never hurt you again," Sam promised as he rested his cheek against her head.

Eventually, Kasey calmed down and fell asleep, still tucked in Sam's arms. Careful not to disturb her, Sam slowly and carefully pulled down the blankets and pulled them overtop the two of them. Soon, he too fell asleep, nestled together in his bed once again.

The next morning, Kasey awoke to the bed empty, but warm. It wasn't surprising since Sam had always been an early riser. It had been only the second time since her coming to the bunker that Kasey had managed to get a full night's sleep. Kasey remained snuggled under the blankets, reveling in how much they smelled like Sam. After a while, the door to Sam's room opened and Sam crept inside with two cups of coffee.

"Hey! You're up!"

"Depends on your definition of 'up' since clearly, I'm laying down," Kasey joked, earning a laugh from Sam. 

"Well, if you're not actually up, I guess I'll just have to drink your coffee," Sam smirked as he took a sip.

"Not cute," Kasey pouted as she sat up and reached for a cup.

For a few moments, the pair sat in comfortable silence. The coffee was just right and warmed Kasey all the way to her toes. Sam watched her the entire time, trying to get a gauge on how she was doing after their conversation the night before. After a while, however, Sam couldn't take the silence anymore. 

"So, I'm, how are you feeling?" he asked seriously, setting aside his mug. 

"Hmm? Well, I am feeling better albeit a bit tired still," she admitted sheepishly, "Yesterday kinda took a lot out of me."

"Yeah, I'm sure," Sam nodded, "Is-is there anything else you want or need to talk about? Anything at all?"

"Honestly, I-I don't really want to think about all that right now…. I mean, I know I'm still probably going to have nightmares for a while. But that's to be expected, I guess."

"Yeah," Sam agreed sadly. Standing up, Sam crossed the room and perched on the edge of the bed, next to Kasey. "And if you do, I'm right here. You don't have to hide anymore. And you're not alone."

"I know, and that honestly means a lot. I know I'll still struggle with everything and probably won't really be able to fully talk about it for a while. But, thanks, Sam," Kasey smiled at him softly.

Sam returned her smile and took her hand in his, "You're welcome. And I meant everything I said, Kasey. _All_ of it."

Kasey watched Sam for a moment before setting what was left of her coffee on the side table. Crawling over towards him, Kasey sat up on her knees and pulled Sam into a tender kiss. Sam placed his hand of the small of her back and pulled her closer, savory the taste of coffee on her lips. Kasey gently cupped Sam's cheek with one hand and threaded her fingers through his hair with the other.

Soft, languid kisses soon began to give way into more and Sam slowly lowered Kasey onto her back. Sam slowly slid his hand underneath her shirt, earning soft sighs in response to his feather-light touches. There was no rush, only the two of them.

Sam began to lightly nip and kiss along Kasey's neck and jaw, careful not to tease that sensitive spot just yet. Sam may have been rough and passionate when they had sex almost a week before. But right now, he wanted to enough every minute, every little noise, and every touch. He wanted to take his time and show Kasey how he felt. He wanted to treat her the way she deserved.

Returning his attention to kissing her, Sam could feel Kasey's hips rolling lightly underneath him, seeking out that little extra bit of friction. Lightly trailing his fingers downwards, Sam slipped his hand into her panties and gently began teasing and touching Kasey. The moment he did, she let out a soft moan and began rolling her hips harder. Sam leaned over her a little more, using his body to hold her in place as he gently teased her sensitive bundle of nerves.

Kasey scratched her nails against Sam's scalp, trying to spur him on, but he was stubborn and determined. Her whimpers of pleasure did, however, cause a spark to ignite. Soon, Sam could feel his cock swelling painfully in his jeans. Eventually, it became too much so he had to undo his pants and slide them below his hips, hoping to ease the growing ache. Kasey took notice, and soon her own fingers were between them, sliding underneath the band of Sam's boxer briefs. 

With her own feather-light touches, Kasey began to tease Sam's now throbbing cock, smearing precum across the blunt head. Sam began to pant heavily at the sensation, kissing Kasey a little more forcefully in an effort to maintain control. Wrapping her hand around his shaft, Kasey began pumping, earning those delicious, guttural moans that she missed so much.

Sam began to grow restless, thrusting his hips lightly into Kasey's hand. Switching things up, Sam inserted his middle finger into her dripping hole, earning a loud, high-pitched gasp in response. He only pumped his finger in and out of her a few times before adding a second. Aside from their encounter in the kitchen, it had been years since anyone touched her. And Kasey was looking forward to the sweet burn.

Eventually, Kasey couldn't take anymore, "Sam… Fuck… _please_."

Sam eagerly pushed down his underwear and pulled Kasey's sweats and panties off of her. Not once did he break the kiss. Sam lined himself up and rubbed the angry, purple head of his cock against her, causing Kasey to squirm in anticipation.

Sam slid in partway and met resistance, despite how dripping wet she was. Pulling back out, Sam slowly slid back in again, opening Kasey up more and more with every thrust. Finally, Sam bottomed out and groaned at how tight she was. He knew he wouldn't be able to last long, despite his best efforts. So, he knew it was time to up anti.

Sam began rolling his hips, thrusting in and out at a steady pace but each thrust hitting deeply. He continued his onslaught of kisses, eventually making his way to that ultra-sensitive spot on Kasey's neck. Sucking hard, Sam could feel her arch almost in half, letting out a high pitched moan and lifting her hips to meet his growing thrusts. Kasey's fingers were now twisted in the sleeves of Sam's shirt, clinging to him desperately as he began to pound into her harder and faster.

Soon, Sam could feel the flutter of her walls around him and knew that neither of them was going to last. Reaching down between them, Sam began to circle her clit once more, trying to get her to come before him. Kasey quickly became a babbling mess and soon she was crashing into her orgasm, dragging Sam with her as her pussy clenched tight around his dick. Sam thrust forward hard one last time and held himself there, painting her pussy walls with his cum. 

Eventually, they both came down from their highs a little, exchanging gentle, loving kisses as Sam pulled out and collapsed next to her. Kasey rolled with him and tucked herself against his still clothed chest, his spendings leaking down her thighs. Kasey took I'm his features, reveling in the look of pure bliss on Sam's face. His skin gleamed with sweat, and Kasey brushed the hair out of his face so he could cool off better.

Sam opened his eyes and watched her as well, their faces equally flushed with pleasure and satisfaction. Sam pulled Kasey in a little more and kissed her once again.

"Please stay, " he whispered, "Please. I-I know we have issues, but I want to take care of you. The _right_ way this time. Not just sex and-and stuff, but to _actually be_ with you."

Kasey stared into Sam's eyes, thinking everything over. His eyes were still the beautiful sunburst of color she loved so much. There was so much hope behind those eyes, hope that she'd say yes. Sam was right, they did have their issues. But at the end of the day, they still held onto each other, needed each other. For even just a few moments, being in each other's arms mad the dark world they knew not so dark. Kasey reached out and gently scratched at the growing stubble on Sam's jaw.

"Alright…. I'll stay."


End file.
